[positiveparent]

Hi OP mina11 am I correct in thinking that you have gone beyond wanting to stay a virgin for one special man, or at least that's how you feel about it at this time.

Only you know how you feel about this, we can offer or suggest ways of helping you maybe come to some other way of dealing with how you feel, but only you feel how you feel, we don't know only you live in your skin.

I can't say I know how you feel that's why I have suggested an alternative way of overcoming this dilemma you feel you're faced with.

With the right Man Im sure he would cherish the fact you are still intact at your age, its nothing to feel ashamed or embarrassed about..

I can though empathise with how this must feel to you. You're not an odditiy, you're amazing.

If you want to lose you're virginity after holding onto it for all these years then that is your right to choose no one else but yours, I only hope you'll choose what feels right for you, its your life no one else's.

I hope you aren't still feeling so down and unhappy.

Please read through these posts and then if you want to make use of the suggestions offered in them then you are more than welcome to do that.

Please let us know how you feel about yourself now, or soon.

Take Care because we care. Love & Hugs

[Kitkat22]

Hi OP mina11 am I correct in thinking that you have gone beyond wanting to stay a virgin for one special man, or at least thats how you feel about it at this time.

Only you know how you feel about this, we can offer or suggest ways of helping you maybe come to some other way of dealing with how you feel, but only you feel how you feel, we dont know only you live in your skin.

I can't say I know how you feel thats why I have suggested an alternative way of overcoming this dilemma you feel youre faced with.

With the right Man Im sure he would cherish the fact you are still intact at your age, its nothing to feel ashamed or embarrassed about..

I can though empathise with how this must feel to you. Youre not an odditiy, youre amazing.

If you want to lose youre virginity after holding onto it for all these years then that is your right to choose no one else but yours, I only hope youll choose what feels right for you, its your life no one elses.

I hope you arent still feeling so down and unhappy.

Please read through these posts and then if you want to make use of the suggestions offered in them then you are more than welcome to do that.

Please let us know how you feel about yourself now, or soon.

Take Care cos we care. Love & Hugs

Very True!

[Homegirl 50]

Have to spread some rep talaniman but you are so right.
"Its not about being a virgin at all, its about being happy with who you are"

[Kitkat22]

Good Luck Mina

[smoothy]

I just want to know why would somebody consider this a quality (if there is somebody and it’s not a religious fanatic). Why being like me it’s a good thing? Would somebody ever think “baby, it makes you more valuable”? is there anybody who could prefer a girl like me? Why this at my age it’s a good thing?

Why?

Because it shows you have standards... and it shows that you won't spread your legs to every person that asks.

Ever know people that have been married and divorced several times? Odds are they jump right in based on lust and hormones... rather than logic and love. You can see the difference... they can't.

That is one of the differences between a Princess and a prostitute.

And my wife wasn't much different than you when we met. When the right guy is there you will know it.

[Mina11]

Homegirl, exactly, it's rare at my age, and I'm tired of always being the rare one; the little girl who thinks too much, the nerd, the bullied one because she was so sensitive, the young shy girl, the woman who doesn't do as everybody else because she believed strongly in something. After years of being myself, I'm tired of always protect me and feel proud of my stupid decisions. However, through my life I have changed different thing in order to adjust to the world and being accepted, but in one way or another, I'm always the rare one, especially now with all my friends and my brother and getting married and having babies. Being rare it's not a good thing.
If I've been wise, why everybody points at me like if I where the most stupid person in the world?

Kitkat, I really don't know what else I can do, I go to things I like; cultural events, French, gym, music and nothing. At job, and everywhere I find guys with girlfriends or married o gay. I applied for the Tourist American Visa (and take one of that singles cruise) but the woman at the Consular Embassy said: “No, because I say so”. (…. What kind or reason was that?) May be I'm cursed, may be the role of my life is being the second one in the life of one of that married men that are interested in me and that I find everywhere. I won't get love but, I'll get gifts and some kind of attention. May be I should stop believing that someday somebody will truly love me. I'm tired of dating guys who disappoints me, I'm tired of try and try and try.

Synnen, I've been going to counseling since a month ago. I don't know if it's normal, but which each session I'm feeling worst every week.

Positiveparent, of course that I play with myself (not with toys I don't want to hurt me) and I have read and try since I was much younger, but that's all. There is a point where feeling always alone it's killing me. When all the normal people has lived that stages of life, I hate to think about getting almost to 40, then meting some guy, getting married and immediately start trying to get pregnant, instead of being young and have some years just to be with my partner, enjoy love, travel and for once in my life being a little bit selfish.


Talaniman you have said many right things. I'll think about it and keep on my counseling.

Smoothy, thanks for answering my question.

Knowing about other's pain doesn't ease mine. I really don't know what to do. There is a friend of mine, I don't like him but I know that he likes me. May be I should give him chance and get what I want. I know that he can love me, and may be with time (and some changes) I could get to love him. But the idea of giving up my dreams of a special one makes me feel so sad. I'll have to swallow my pride and give myself in.

Today I still feel like sh… but at least I haven't cried yet.

May be I must start to accept my perpetual state of spinsterhood. What can I do to do that? How can I stop dreaming and start being real?

[Synnen]

I think you should give counseling a bit longer to work, first and foremost.

And yes, the first sessions are hard and you don't necessarily feel good right away. You usually have to face a lot of hard things about yourself when you first go to counseling.

Stick it out. Don't do something stupid and rash just to make yourself feel better.

[smoothy]

Many women get pregnant on the first sexual encounter... even with birth control. Or worse... contract AIDS, or Herpes. Those have no cures... think its hard to attract Mr. Right as a virgin, just try with a kid or AIDS or Herpes.

Do you want to take that chance on just anyone?

Dwelling on negativity is only going to push guys away... you can sense negativity in someone and its not atractive. Perhaps get the concelling advised by others... that can help you accept it for now... which will help with the negative vibes that may be keeping away Mr. Right.

[talaniman]

I can understand the world around you changing fast, and you wanting to change with it, and get what you THINK your friends and relatives are getting.

That's frustrating to a point, but don't let those frustrations lead to impulsive actions.

I can suggest an alternative course of action that worked quite well for me.

Talaniman Rule. Date them ALL. Short, fat, skinny, or tall! 18-80, blind, cripple, or crazy!!

Not only will it change your mindset. But increase your options and opportunities, by opening up your social life to learn and grow, and enjoy the variety of life as you get to know a lot of people and enjoy doing it. You also have no attachments, and don't have to focus on one person, thing, or activity, nor make a commitment until YOU are ready.

In this way, you move at your own pace and enjoy the freedom and flexibility to do as you please, when you please.

You get to see, and be seen, and instead of looking for LOVE, Love will have a better chance of finding you, and you will marvel at the people who will be attracted to you and want to share the happiness you have... for yourself, and what your doing.

The worst thing you can do is get stuck in a one way time consuming effort, to figure out what another person wants, or needs from you, and be distracted for months or years by the wrong person.

It also allows you to have a different attitude, as you build a life that you enjoy, because we all feel better when we KNOW we have a lot to look forward too, and don't TRIP, about what we think we are missing.
Or what we don't have.

That's where I think you are, you have reached an impasse and have a decision to make, and want someone to make you happy, but that seldom works because being happy is YOUR exclusive responsibility, no one else's.

Trust me, virgin or not, we all want to be happy, and want to be loved, to fit in, and have a comfort zone. I get all that, but your world starts with you, and your attitude toward yourself, and goes outward as you define yourself, Not by what's around you, or how others perceive you.

Its not about being unique, but being aware of who, and what you are, and what you want to do next. If that depends on another taking your "precious" virginity so you can say your experienced as any one else. YOU are in big trouble, because I can bet you see yourself as more than just a sexual object who has a need to breed, much more. You just have to figure that out, so explore your own capabilities and take no less than you deserve, and ENJOY the journey.

What's the hurry? Is your clock ticking or something??

Talaniman Rule- never be in a hurry to give your heart to a stranger. Wait until they have proven they deserve it, and know what to do with it.

Talaniman Rule- Doesn't matter how intense the feelings, or how much fun you have, never give your heart to someone you don't know well, and thats only after the lust has worn off for you both.

[Homegirl 50]

Excellent advice tal.
Stop looking for that person to make you happy. Continue with the counseling. It is hard and painful at first, you are getting to the nitty-gritty of things.
Date and have fun, get to know people just to get to know them, That person will come out of the blue.
Stop thinking about your virginity, that is not your problem. Your opinion of yourself is what is hampering you.

[Kitkat22]

If it is against your beliefs and your religion.. then I think losing your virginity would only add to all these other feelings you have about yourself.

I was raised the same way. I'm a lot older than you so at that time being a virgin was considered the right thing to do.

Have you ever thought this is the way God wants you to be? Have you ever thought he has someone
For you? I believe with all my heart
Everything is meant to be.

Pray about this and ask God to bring you comfort and stop dwelling on this. You will meet the right one and you will be glad you waited.

[Homegirl 50]

Homegirl, exactly, it’s rare at my age, and I’m tired of always being the rare one; the little girl who thinks too much, the nerd, the bullied one because she was so sensitive, the young shy girl, the woman who doesn’t do as everybody else because she believed strongly in something. After years of being my self, I’m tired of always protect me and feel proud of my stupid decisions. However, through my life I have changed different thing in order to adjust to the world and being accepted, but in one way or another, I’m always the rare one, especially now with all my friends and my brother and getting married and having babies. Being rare it’s not a good thing.
If I’ve been wise, why everybody points at me like if I where the most stupid person in the world?

How do you know this is how everyone sees you. Maybe it is how you see yourself.
Would you have sex with a man if you wanted to? You are in control of your life.
Stop looking to lose your virginity and look to have fun, enjoy your life. Don't look at every man a the potential cherry popper or potential mate. Enjoy your life and your freedom.
Keep up with your therapy. It will help you see yourself in a different light.

[Kitkat22]

Mina... You are in my prayers.

[Mina11]

Thanks a lot all of you, today I feel better. I'm afraid of how long this moment of happiness would last, since it has happened before, some days of calm and suddenly it all storms out again.

Who knows what the tide will bring. May it would never come, may be I'll never have children who would play with my friend's or my relative's children, but right now, I do have a place in their lives, a privileged one I have to say. I've been call to be there for my friends in special and private situations where there isn't any body but their close relatives (parents and siblings) and me, and that means something.
Yesterday my BF and I got soaked when it began to rain and he said: “funny, we've been friends for many years and it's the first time that something like this happens to us together”, then we laughed like kids and hugged very close to each other under a small broken umbrella while trying to escape from the rain and get to the movies. I know that he will never give the love I wish for (he's gay), but for the last 10 years we have had the purest and greatest love I've ever met, and it's never been so clear to me like yesterday.

You are right guys, definitely it's me who is seeing thing in the wrong way. The bullies and the jerks that criticized the best of me or tried to use me as a beautiful object, must keep in the past. I have a painful learning to go, I need to recover my confidence. Ok, may be I had chances to have that experience in the past, but in those moments of my life I have reasons I said no, and I need to accept that it wasn't out of stupidity but based in wise decisions of what in that stage I though was the best for me.

And yes, I need pray a lot. Who the hell I fool? I've always been spiritual, with a belief centered in love. And in the end what we are talking about here, it's strongly related to love, like that song goes (I`ll try to make and appropriated translation in english) “First, look for the kingdom of God and his divine justice, and everything else is going to come along”. Just what you have told me through this conversation; love for myself, let love shows up if and when it's meant to be, and everything else will come along.

I'm keeping on therapy, I know it's going to hurt more, but it's the best right now.

[Kitkat22]

Thanks a lot all of you, today I feel better. I’m afraid of how long this moment of happiness would last, since it has happened before, some days of calm and suddenly it all storms out again.

Who knows what the tide will bring. May it would never come, may be I’ll never have children who would play with my friend’s or my relative’s children, but right now, I do have a place in their lives, a privileged one I have to say. I’ve been call to be there for my friends in special and private situations where there isn’t any body but their close relatives (parents and siblings) and me, and that means something.
Yesterday my BF and I got soaked when it began to rain and he said: “funny, we’ve been friends for many years and it’s the first time that something like this happens to us together”, then we laughed like kids and hugged very close to each other under a small broken umbrella while trying to escape from the rain and get to the movies. I know that he will never give the love I wish for (he’s gay), but for the last 10 years we have had the purest and greatest love I’ve ever met, and it’s never been so clear to me like yesterday.

You are right guys, definitely it’s me who is seeing thing in the wrong way. The bullies and the jerks that criticized the best of me or tried to use me as a beautiful object, must keep in the past. I have a painful learning to go, I need to recover my confidence. Ok, may be I had chances to have that experience in the past, but in those moments of my life I have reasons why I said no, and I need to accept that it wasn’t out of stupidity but based in wise decisions of what in that stage I though was the best for me.

And yes, I need pray a lot. Who the hell I fool? I’ve always been spiritual, with a belief centered in love. And in the end what we are talking about here, it’s strongly related to love, like that song goes (I`ll try to make and appropriated translation in english) “First, look for the kingdom of God and his divine justice, and everything else is going to come along”. Just what you have told me through this conversation; love for my self, let love shows up if and when it’s meant to be, and everything else will come along.

I’m keeping on therapy, I know it’s gonna hurt more, but it’s the best right now.

Now you've made me cry.. (a good cry) You are a wonderful person, I'll bet you're beautiful and you have a wonderful heart. God is working in your life. Have you ever thought.. "stand Still and see the hand of God".
Sometimes we want to rush but that's not his will. Wow I feel so much better for you. Good things are going to happen in your life.. { Hugs.. }

[Homegirl 50]

You hang in there young lady. You are going to be all right. There is a man out there for you.
Get yourself emotionally ready for him. Come to understand and love yourself then you will feel confident when that man walks into your life.
I wish you well.