[deronette97]

Sorry if its so long :)
So after waiting what felt like forever to punch in my lunch number, Deidra and I scanned the cafeteria to find a place to sit. When I found Ronnell with his buds, I was just about to walk towards him until Deidra pulled the hood of my Baby Phat sweater away from that direction, guided me towards a small empty round table, and said “Uh-uh booboo you are not abandoning me again today.” I bet your wondering why I abandoned her, huh? Well let me give you a hint, his name begins with an R.
“So, explain. Why do you like Ronnell so much, girl?” she questioned me while we adjusted ourselves.
“Because he's cute.” I already told her about why I liked him. I don't know why she needs to know again. This girl gets on my nerves when it comes to him.
“Well I can see that, but I mean his personality. Because the first two months of school you never even stared at him for more than a millisecond.”
“Ok, first month of school that's all I thought about him. But every day, I was thinking more and more about talking to him. He was just too cute I couldn't even stare. Then last month, he started staring at me a lot like I was the only person in the room. So I pretended to trip. I went up to him and asked in my most ghetto tripping voice 'Why you staring at me like that for? Do you want something?'. When I saw those dimples punch out after he smiled, girl, I almost died.” I put my hand on my heart “No lie. That's when we started chilling and telling our lives to each other—I didn't tell all the personal stuff I told you though I kept that part out. That's when we liked each other's personalities and we started to play-flirt, if you know what I mean. ”
She nodded, chuckled and then said “You're making me jealous now even though as for us to be both Haitian and Christian I shouldn't be. Especially because he's also Haitian. And he goes to your church. So I got one thing to hit at you.”
“What?” I wondered.
“Don't start dating, until you're older and have your mama's permission. And until he has his.”
I rolled my eyes and exasperated “Girl, as sixth graders, we shouldn't even be thinking about boys.” I meant to say that more to me then her.
I looked at the time and sighed while I got up “If we don't move now we're going to be late for chemistry.

[Wondergirl]

I'm still lovin' it! Very sweet! Here are my corrections (just a few added commas/periods and a stray word here or there -- excellent writing! ) --

So after waiting what felt like forever to punch in our lunch numbers, Deidra and I scanned the cafeteria to find a place to sit. When I saw Ronnell sitting with his buds, I was just about to walk toward him until Deidra pulled the hood of my Baby Phat sweater away from that direction, guided me towards a small empty round table, and said, “Uh-uh booboo. You are not abandoning me again today.”

I bet you're wondering why I abandoned her, huh? Well, let me give you a hint. His name begins with an R.

“So, explain. Why do you like Ronnell so much, girl?” she questioned me while we adjusted ourselves.

“Because he's cute.” I had already told her about why I liked him. I don't know why she needs to know again. This girl gets on my nerves when it comes to him.

“Well I can see that, but I mean his personality. Because during the first two months of school, you never even stared at him for more than a millisecond.”

“Ok, the first month of school that's all I thought about--him. But every day, I was thinking more and more about talking to him. He was just too cute that I couldn't even stare. Then last month, he started staring at me a lot like I was the only person in the room. So I pretended to trip. I went up to him and asked in my most ghetto-trippin' voice 'Why you starin' at me like that for? Do you want something'?' When I saw those dimples punch out after he smiled, girl, I almost died.” I put my hand on my heart. “No lie. That's when we started chilling and telling our lives to each other—I didn't tell all the personal stuff I told you though. I kept that part out. That's when we liked each other's personalities, and we started to play-flirt, if you know what I mean.”

She nodded, chuckled, and then said, “You're making me jealous now, even though as for us to be both Haitian and Christian, I shouldn't be. Especially because he's also Haitian. And he goes to your church. So I got one thing to hit at you.”

“What?” I wondered.

“Don't start dating until you're older and have your mama's permission. And until he has his.”

I rolled my eyes, exasperated. “Girl, as sixth graders, we shouldn't even be thinking about boys.” I meant to say that more to me then her. I looked at the time and sighed while I got up. “If we don't move now, we're going to be late for Chemistry."