[andreaj]

I don't ever join these sites, but something happened to me today that made me realise I was seriously dealing with a narcissistic man.
We have been in a relationship for 11 years all of which time he had several other realationships. One girl he is about to be married in a few months. We have been separated now for over one year, I have since tried to move on with no luck! Anyway.. we have a son together it's a task every time to ask for money to support our son. Is this still a way for him to " control me"?. I met this incredible man and now it seems like my sins of the past are forever haunting me.. how can I move on and leave all this baggage behind if I have to constantly be stressed out to get financial support for our son?

[kutocer]

If you are having trouble getting money then seek help from the government. In the UK we have the Child support agency which will look at how much the person earns then take around 20% of the earnings for one child. The money would go directly to you.

[Wondergirl]

There is no court order for him to pay child support?

[andreaj]

No I didn't take him to court.

[andreaj]

He has three other kids and he pays just school fees for our son and nothing more, so even down to clothing I have to call and ask all the time...

[talaniman]

That's your solution, sic the judge on his butt!

[positiveparent]

If this man is truly a Narcissist then you have got your work cut our for you, you are aware that they are in their minds Never wrong, its always someone else's fault, and someone any one but he, will be blamed.

Hard as it may be you might have to cut your losses and that in turn will take away any control or hold he thinks he has over you.

Have you tried going through the CSA? Are you working or on benefits ? Usually
If you claim benefits the DWP will chase him up for child support payments, They can also do this on your behalf.

Im in the UK too, you can also get help via the social services if push comes to shove.

Is the ex named on the child's BC? Has he ever paid anything towards his upkeep?

Have the CSA been given the Fathers details if not let them have them.

Does he work and do you know where, address etc, if so you can put it into the hands of a Solicitor and ask them to deal with it on you're behalf, but unless you're on a very low wage or some benefit you'll have to pay for the solicitor and court costs.

I don't think you can even relinquish your right to claim child support anymore, not since the govt cracked down on unmarried mothers getting council houses. etc. and saying they didn't know who the fathers of their children were.

I suggest you get some legal advice about this, its possibly the only way you can go, without having to go down on your hands and knees on a regular basis to get what's rightfully yours child support for his child of whom you're the mother..

Hope this helps, I know exactly what a narcissist can and is capable of doing.

[andreaj]

Thanks so much, I am seeking legal council on the matter, but true at this point I will no doubt cut my losses and let him pay whatever he has agreed to.. which is only our sons school/ piano fees. I have to now train myself to deal with him differently and reading all your comments and articles on narcissism has certainly helped.

[positiveparent]

Thanks for the comments, and I wish you all the luck in the world, Im pleased you've read some of my articles on Narcissitic types, they're awful, my mother was one.

Anytime you need help Im happy to oblige.