[boringjeptik]

Last week it was my friend's birthday party. She ended up falling asleep on a couch while everyone was having a rocking good time. After asking her, we got to stay for an extra hour. Until 11pm. I work from 6am everyday and she is rarely up by 8:30. This week, we went out to a club which she said yes to. She just sat there on her phone, wouldn't dance, wouldn't drink, nothing. We ended up leaving at 12am again. I'm tired of this. I'm 23 and the best years of my life are being wasted on her but we've moved in together and I can't just send her packing. I'm really unhappy and fear I will be for the rest of my life. It will be our 3rd anniversary in 2 months, but we've only been living together for 4 months. It used to be different when we only saw each other on weekends but since we moved in she's gotten so intolerably boring and a completely different person than I used to know.

[tickle]

Your g/f has fallen into complacency and probably thinks she has you by the short and curlies now and doesn't really have to work at making you happy. Give her a heads up if you still want to keep on your relationship with her; give her an altimatum shape up or ship out. That may draw her up short and realize that all relationships need work if you care about your partner. It works both ways, she makes all of your time satisfying and happy,and at the same time making herself happy too. Its too bad people don't realize that it is a two way street. I am not saying all your days and nights should be a bed of roses, life isn't like that, nor should it be. Everyone has to take the bad with the good and make the best of what they have.

Tick

[Cat1864]

In the past four months since you moved in together, what have you done that she enjoys doing? Do you have different ideas of what 'fun' is? Do you talk to her about plans or do you expect her to go along with yours?

How old is she? Does she work or go to school? Are your friends-her friends? Did you drive to the club? How were you getting home?

Do either of you go out with just your friends? Giving each other some space and down time?

You only saw her on weekends before you moved in together. What were your expectations before and after moving in? What were hers? WHY did you move in together? Did you get to know her as a person over the 2+ years you have been together? Did you think she was ready to party all week long?

How intimate are the two of you? Do you communicate with each other? Are you working on compromising so that both of you have your needs met?

Here's the big question and the one word you left out of reasons not 'to send her packing': Do you LOVE her? Have your feelings changed?

[talaniman]

What are you afraid to ask your female "whats up?".

Lack of communications is your problem it seems.

[emmalem]

What are you afraid to ask your female "whats up?".

Lack of communications is your problem it seems.

I agree. I think you definitely need to speak to her. The "What's up?" thing is an exaggeration, but it is possible that you have different ideas of what 'fun' actually is. Do you have similar interests? Some people are naturally more sociable than others. Consider that she may enjoy spending time with you alone more than attending parties and big social gatherings. If it's your friend's party/gathering, she may find it difficult to mingle and in turn, seem unsociable or give up trying to be sociable.

Also, take the time to evaluate the time that you spend with your girlfriend. What do you do together? How much time do you spend together? Sometimes, spending time apart and focusing on your own hobbies and your own friends is key.

I was in a relationship where my other half actually wanted to stay in, when I wanted to go out. It was very rare that I did go out, because I felt guilty - but in turn, staying in caused arguments through repressed anger for making me feel guilty about seeing my friends. Living together is hard but compromise is key.

Get separate hobbies/friends. Spend more time apart and you'll value the time you spend together. Most importantly, talk to her.

[Fr_Chuck]

Well I could argue that going out to clubs drinking is far from the best thing you can be doing at 23,

But if you want this and she does not, then you break up and go on to someone who wants that type of life

[positiveparent]

You need to talk this over with her and tell her that you would like a more active social life, and you would like for her to accompany you on those occasions.

You need to do this now, don't wait, because when you wait before bringing up any problems in a relationship then you allow them to fester and before you know it they blow up in your face, or the relationship ends and over something totally unrelated to the original issues you had.

Do talk to her and do so now.

[Kitkat22]

Clubbing and drinking isn't for everyone. If you don't want to be
With her anymore tell her. Let her finda guy who likes the same things she does.

There are lots of party girls out there and maybe you'll find one.

[parisrose]

Do you two ever do anything together anymore? Just the two of you?

Maybe she feels like she always out in public situations instead of having you two time. ( I mean like dinners, movies, date stuff)

Definitely ask her why she isn't having fun anymore. But don't do it while you are out with her, do it in private where she can open up to you.

[Kitkat22]

Do you two ever do anything together anymore?? Just the two of you??

Maybe she feels like she always out in public situations instead of having you two time. ( I mean like dinners, movies, date stuff)

Definitely ask her why she isn't having fun anymore. But don't do it while you are out with her, do it in private where she can open up to you.

Good idea!