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clarebrodrick · Jun 25, 2010, 02:24 PM

Over the last year we have been in a constant battle to prevent a man 27 years old from having a relationship we our 15 year old daughter, when we found out we tried to stop all contact but he continued to groom her into believing that he loved her sending text messages and meeting her in secret but we always found out, she told friends that they where having sex, she then took a overdose and he had still continued. We told her to send a text message to him telling him it was over and that same night he sexually assaulted a 14 year old girl to make our daughter jealous his words, we believe that this man has mental health problems and we involved the police, child protection, social services and they said that there was nothing they could do because all the time she protected him, and when she turned 16 she left home to live with him, even though she still lies and says they are just friends. He has been charged with the assault and goes on trail on the 2 July at crown court we have limited contact with her at present however he attempts to break this down so that he has control of her, he has a aunty that is condoning the relationship we don't know what to do next to get her to come to her senses.

nikki0846 · Jun 25, 2010, 02:29 PM

Lock her up!! Im not sure where you are a to what the law is, but in Texas he wouldbe thrown in jail, sheis considered a minor until the age of 17. Really in most cases like this, the more you try to keep them apart the more she will run to him. My best advice is to drag her home invest in a shotgun and plenty of shells, and hope he walks on your property.... GOODLUCK!!!!

justcurious55 · Jun 25, 2010, 04:46 PM

Originally Posted by nikki0846

Lock her up!! Im not sure where you are a to what the law is, but in Texas he wouldbe thrown in jail, sheis considered a minor until the age of 17. Really in most cases like this, the more you try to keep them apart the more she will run to him. My best advice is to drag her home invest in a shotgun and plenty of shells, and hope he walks on your property.... GOODLUCK!!!!

I think if I were in this parents shoes, that would probably be what I wanted to do too. But, even though this guy is a creepy pervert that should be locked up, he still gets his rights and I think threatening him with a shotgun would be illegal.

Why aren't the police doing anything now? Are you in the US? Or are you living someplace where she's allowed to move out earlier?

Fr_Chuck · Jun 25, 2010, 05:12 PM

I can not post what I would do personally since to be honest I would cross the line and break the law in regards to the older mans safety.

I can remember when I had trouble with a drug dealer that would not carry drugs personally. But come in and offer drugs and girls to young boys. My son was getting caught up and even as a law enforcement officer I was getting no where.
After we had a heart to heart discussion one evening, he decided never to come back to that small South Ga town again.

Now going past the legal limit is never right, but at times the law fails and people have to work together in the best interest of common good and justice.

ScottGem · Jun 25, 2010, 05:32 PM

Since you mentioned Crown Court I'm assuming you are in Canada or the UK. The police are hamstrung to an extent here because they need proof. If your daughter is defending him then you have little proof. And the police can do little.

Since you posted this in the Parenting forum, I'm not going to deal with the legal issues. The only thing I think you can do here is let your daughter know that you love her, but you feel she is making very poor choices. But keep the door and the lines of communication open.

Jake2008 · Jun 25, 2010, 06:09 PM

If you are in Canada, the age difference between the parties, can also help you legally.

The age of consent for sexual activity is 16 years. It was raised from 14 years on May 1, 2008 by the Tackling Violent Crime Act. Here is a part of the legislation, followed by a link for more information.

However, the age of consent is 18 years where the sexual activity "exploits" the young person -- when it involves prostitution, pornography or occurs in a relationship of authority, trust or dependency (e.g., with a teacher, coach or babysitter). Sexual activity can also be considered exploitative based on the nature and circumstances of the relationship, e.g., the young person's age, the age difference between the young person and their partner, how the relationship developed (quickly, secretly, or over the Internet) and how the partner may have controlled or influenced the young person.http://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/dept-min/clp/faq.html

clarebrodrick · Jun 26, 2010, 09:38 AM

Originally Posted by justcurious55

i think if i were in this parents shoes, that would probably be what i wanted to do too. but, even though this guy is a creepy pervert that should be locked up, he still gets his rights and i think threatening him with a shotgun would be illegal.

why aren't the police doing anything now? are you in the US? or are you living someplace where she's allowed to move out earlier?

I live in the uk

JudyKayTee · Jun 26, 2010, 10:47 AM

I agree with Scott - this is a sad, sad situation and other similar situations have been posted before. As far as getting a shotgun and all of that AMHD does NOT condone illegal activity and shooting him is irresponsible advice (obviously).

I have looked at the law in the UK and you are correct - there is little you can do at this point unless you go to Court, PROVE she has some sort of mental defect and attempt to force her into a "help" situation. I don't see that happening.

As painful as things are, I think you keep the lines of communication open and hope she comes to her senses.

Jake2008 · Jun 26, 2010, 12:22 PM

Is it possible, because he has been charged with sexual assault of a minor, and goes to trial July 2nd, and the fact that your daughter has overdosed (was it a suicide attempt?), that maybe proving she is indeed in need of protection from him (and herself), isn't such a stretch.

This might be a good time to try that route.

mrshodges · Jun 26, 2010, 12:45 PM

Just keep talking to her. Don't bash him to her at least. The more you say negative things in her presence the more she will pull away. I not saying accept it in any way. I'm just saying just keep talking at any means. She will need you when it all goes south.

asking · Jun 26, 2010, 01:05 PM

Have you consulted an attorney? They should be able to tell you what your options are. I think Jake is right about the man's assault and your daughter's attempted suicide. Surely, there is some recourse here.

But meanwhile, yes, do everything you can to stay in contact with her, even if it means biting your tongue about him. I would be very worried about her, too.

Thinker0011 · Nov 5, 2010, 10:43 AM

Have you considered taking away the very devises that he had and could continue to contact her on? Is she paying for the services (phone, internet, texting service) or are you? There will always be people in question. If it isn't this guy, it will be the other around the next corner. Since you can' control the external environment, do your best to control your daughter's external influences.

justcurious55 · Nov 5, 2010, 11:38 AM

Thinker, please read questions carefully before answering and also please look at the date and whether the OP has ever come back. The OP has not responded to this thread for months. And in her question, she told us that her daughter has already moved out. It's a little late to cut off texting and internet when she's already out of their home and into his.