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muchxtoxfar · Jun 23, 2010, 04:09 PM

My daughter is 1 and half and her father has seen her only a small handful of times. He has done nothing to help me with her or support her. Every time I finally get him to see her he tries to get back with me. I've tried over and over to get him to have a relationship with her, but he always has an excuse for why he can't see her. And I'm fed up. I'm actually in a wonderful relationship now. And the man I am now with treats her like a princess. She even calls him dad. Now, my ex tries to look like he's this great wonderful father to people who know him, so I know he won't willfully just sign her over to me. What do I do? And if he did end up signing over rights, would my fiancé "have" (not that he would mind) to adopt her right away? Like do the two go hand in hand? Someone signs over rights and someone else has to pick them up?

Fr_Chuck · Jun 23, 2010, 04:13 PM

First if you check the stickies at the top of the forum you will find a lot of info on this, and if you search our site you will find 1000's of similar questions.

1. he can not just sign over his rights, if after you are married, and your new husband wants to adopt, then the father could sign over rights to allow adoption.

2. is there a child custody order in place, if not why not
3 is there a child support order in place, if no, why ? Since he does not owe you or the child a penny till there is one in place.

If he does not want to give up his rights, and he will show up in court to fight it, it is very very unlikely the court will take his rights away, even if he fails to use them

muchxtoxfar · Jun 23, 2010, 04:20 PM

Yes, I am getting child support... although he is not paying it. I am pretty much at my end with all of this. I feel like I've been fighting him since we split. All I've wanted is for him to have a relationship with our child. But it seems he wants all or nothing. At this point I would just like all the stress and bull to be done with. And if that means having him completely out of her life, then I think that's what's best for her. I don't want her growing up feeling bad because her father wants nothing to do with her, but goes on and on about what a great dad he is to everyone else. I just want him out of our lives.
Also I've been looking at this site for a while and feel like some of my questions have been answered... but not all. Most of the people writing on here only want to talk trash. I'm looking for actual advice and answers.
Do I have to be married before my fiancé can adopt her? And would we start those papers first or would I have him sign over rights first?

Fr_Chuck · Jun 23, 2010, 04:28 PM

Most US states will require you to be married, and normally married for one year. Some do allow non married, if they can prove a long term relationship.

First of course you need to know if he will sign over his rights. But the attorney does the paper work, and the father is served, he will have the right to a. agree to paper work and sign b. hire attorney and fight your filing c. do nothing

If he does A you win, if he does C, you normally will win, if he fights it, seldom ( esp at just one year) will his rights be taken away

I will address, she will always be adopted if it happens, and if the father does not want to see her, she will always be deserted by him no matter if adopted or not.

A lot has to do with the issue that he may in a few years change his mind, many fathers have change of hearts after a few years, after they get with a new partner and so on.

1. how are you getting child support if he is not paying, he is the only one that can pay support

muchxtoxfar · Jun 23, 2010, 05:40 PM

I'm not getting child support. I was saying that a support order has been served but he has not paid any. And so far no one has gone after him for it. I think the fact that he keeps moving and switching helps him out there. And I know she will always be adopted, but her legal father will be someone who loves and cares for her. Someone who has always been there for her. And I agree, people can have a change of heart. But I'm not going to let him play his little games and when he done then just come waltzing back in to her life. That's not one bit fair to her.

ScottGem · Jun 23, 2010, 05:48 PM

Chuck referred you to the sticky notes at the top of this forum. Did you go read them? Did you try browsing some of the thousands of threads that ask the same question? We are here to help you, but we don't have to keep typing the same answers to the same questions when we have already answered them.

The answers to your questions have already been posted. If you don't care to spend a little time researching, why should we spend our time repeating the same answers. When you have looked over the stickies and previous threads, if you still have more questions please feel free to ask them.

muchxtoxfar · Jun 23, 2010, 06:14 PM

OK really... no need to be rude. I've been reading them on this site all day and I felt like nothing I read answered my question. So forget it. I'll call an attorney and get help from them.

ScottGem · Jun 23, 2010, 06:22 PM

Originally Posted by muchxtoxfar

ok really... no need to be rude. I've been reading them on this site all day and I felt like nothing I read answered my question. So forget it. I'll call an attorney and get help from them.

I'm sorry if you thought I was rude, but don't you think it rude to expect us to answer questions that have been answered thousands of times before? And please don't insult my intelligence by telling me your question has not been answered many times before.

Your basic questions were what happens if he won't willfully give up his rights and do you have to married before your new husband can adopt. I the sticky note at the top of this forum is this:

1) A bio parent cannot be forced to relinquish their rights, it has to be voluntary.
a) The only exceptions to this are where the bio parent cannot be found after a good faith effort to contact them or in cases where the bio parent represents a danger to the child.

2) Most areas make it difficult for a bio parent to relinquish their parental rights. Usually its allowed only to clear the way for adoption of the child.

Now how does that not answer both questions? Is it any wonder we find it hard to believe that you actually read the sticky and even a small portion of previous posts?

muchxtoxfar · Jun 23, 2010, 06:58 PM

I read every single portion of the previous posts. I just didn't find the answered clean. And now your insulting my intelligence by saying that you have answered my questions in other places. Becase really.. I could not find them. I looked up a bunch of questions that were like mine and most of them all I saw were people telling guys to keep there pants on and things like that. I got a little tired of trying to read questions only to see the people asking them being bad mouthed when all they wanted was help. And yes, that did answer my question perfectly. And from what I read that's sort of what I got but I felt like I never got a straight answer and I wanted to make sure that was I thought was right.

ScottGem · Jun 24, 2010, 04:19 AM

So, after being directed to the sticky note, which you admit answered your questions, you posted again asking the same question! Is it any wonder that I got a little frustrated by this?

I've participated in thousands of threads similar to exactly like yours. In fact its why I wrote the sticky note to answer those questions. I know that all those posts say the same thing. That courts will not grant a TPR except to clear the way for an adoption or if the parent represents a danger to the child. I know there are hundreds of threads that state that most states require the couple to be married for about a year before they can adopt. So, for you to tell me those questions are not answered tells me that you either did not research as you claim or that you are just saying you didn't find an answer to attempt to save face.