[denise14]

Hey, this is my first post here and after reading some of the other questions asked in this thread I thought I would ask for some advice too.

Ok so I have been with my "boyfriend" for 3 years now. I am 20 and he is 22 in August so we met at quite a young age. Before we met he had quite a reputation for doing drugs and sleeping around but when we met we instantly fell for each other and he explained to me that he wanted out of that lifestyle. I had never had a proper relationship before so this was all quite new to me. So as the years passed he broke most contact off from his old friends who would drink, party, take drugs on a daily basis. He said he was happy that he was no longer in that circle of friends and that he was glad he had me in his life. I should also add that for the past 1.5 years he has had a depression problem due to unemployment and family issues. I persuaded him to go see a counsellor but it didn't seem to do much. Anyway the past 6 months or so he started to hang around with an old friend and his girlfriend. I don't get along with any of his friends it was the whole "you took him away from us" situation.

Anyway the "break" all started with a little argument we had. I was at home studying for exams and he text to say he was going out with this old friend and his girlfriend. I was fine with it and told him to text when he got home then. Anyway he finally text to say he was staying at his mates girlfriends house (which I thought was a tad strange) so I started asking why etc. anyway I found out that one of her girl friends was also staying, after he told me that it was just him, his friend and his friend's girlfriend. Even after me confronting him about it he denied it and said I was crazy. Finally he gave in and admitted to it and said he didn't know why he lied. I was very angry of course and the next day he called me and this was when we broke-up. Over the phone after 3 years of being together! Also 4 days before my 2nd year exams which was unacceptable. He basically said things like "I don't like being in a relationship" "I can't deal with all the hassle" "It doesn't change the way I feel about you though" etc. etc.

So to start with I was distraught. Crying on the phone to him, begging him not to do this to me etc etc. Anyway he said that we needed to meet up and talk about it so I did. It started like an argument but gradually got better. He said he wanted to re-establish his friendships and be single for a while (I immediately replied so basically you want to go back doing drugs and sleeping around) he seemed really upset by this comment and insisted it wasn't the case and that he just needed some time alone to think things through. So anyway he was crying a lot during this conversation as was I and basically I suggested taking a break for 2 months and then meeting back up to reassess the situation (I know I shouldn't have but I can't see him out of my life) he agreed that it was the right thing to do, that he still loved me, that I was the nicest person he had ever met. He also said "well what if we meet other people in these two months" I started crying and said I won't, can you? And he said no he couldn't see himself meeting anyone and we went our separate ways.

After no contact of a week he contacted me on Facebook just starting with hi, how are you etc. he then asked my plans for the weekend, I was going to london and he kept asking who I was going with and that he worried about me. He also said he missed me so so much.
Is this him being jealous?
Does he still care for me or is he messing with me head?

Anyway that conversation ended and its now been 3 weeks since it. He has been on Facebook more and more posting status updates about going out, adding girls who he used to hang around with and also talking to girls he used to sleep with etc.
Is he looking to make me jealous?
Or is he just enjoying being single?
Do you think he is sleeping around again?

I mean these girls are giving him lots of attention. Just last night I was sat on his page after he said he was excited to go out on weds and girls were just like oh yeah I can't wait to see you, it's been too long. He was agreeing with them. I know I shouldn't get wound up about it but how can I not. This break is meant to be reflection for him not seeing who else is out there or seeking attention off other people.

I have been going out also. I've started new friendships with people at work, rekindled old friendships but it all comes down to him. I've been on Facebook a lot when he has been online but he just hasn't started a conversation.
Should I start one with him or leave him to it?
Is he just doing stuff that he wants for 2 months and then come back to me at the end?

I love this boy so much it hurts to see everything he posts on Facebook, knowing he is going out with these drug-fuelled friends. It just seems to be like he has moved on and going out most nights enjoying himself.
My main aim is to get him back, which I know sounds stupid and pathetic but I honestly love this boy and I can't see him not in my life.

Please help. Any advice is welcome. I know most people will say move on its over etc. but I don't know if I can. =[

[talaniman]

I don't think he has moved on. I think he has regressed back to what he did before you got together, and that seems to be something you have to accept, and walk away from.

Until he decides to change on his own, leave him alone, and stop monitoring him on the social network sights.

That's got to be torture, and you need to stop. You tried your best, but I hope you learned you can't fix someone who doesn't want to be fixed.

[denise14]

I understand what you are saying but it's just so hard to see him fall back into his old ways.
I don't know if this is because of his depression or not.
I have decided to stop going on Facebook for the time being, or at least stop going on his page.
Im just so worried and anxious especially if we are meeting in a few months time. Im afraid he won't have missed me in this short amount of time and still be caught up in this "new" way of living.

I understand what you mean about not fixing him but I know he can be better than this and don't know why he would want to go back to it all again.

[talaniman]

He hasn't had enough of it yet. Yes it hurts like hell to see someone doing this to themselves, but leaving him alone to fall flat on his face, is the only way he will get it, on his own.

Get beyond this as you cannot save someone who doesn't want to be saved. It sucks for sure, I know, so save yourself, from him, and his ways.

And especially don't hold out hope that 2 months will make a difference. That would be a waste of time, and make it all the more painful for you.

Do your own thing, and let him do his. That's what he is doing anyway.

[denise14]

Thanks for the advice.
I know it will be hard as hell but I am going to try my best and see what happens.
Although I don't want to be waiting around for these two months to pass I know that a part of me will.

[denise14]

Ok so I haven't been on Facebook for 2 days maybe. I was on msn talking to a friend and he started talking to me.

Asking how I was, told me he missed me and then just started talking about everyday things like how he was excited about college and he wanted to sort himself out, how he was seeing a new counselor and they were making him write a diary etc.

I spoke to him for a while about these things and then just said I had to go. He asked why I hadn't been on Facebook and I told him it was because I want to get myself sorted etc. He seemed to understand.

I don't see what he wanted out of this conversation? Do I go back into NC or does this show he regrets his decision and he is trying to make amends? This is just such a confusing situation to be in.

Please help!