[texanbychoice]

Everything for me started for me when I was quite young. I was molested by a revered family member. But didn't realize it until I was pregnant with a child of my own. I feel that for most of my childhood my mother played games with my head; using the "O, there you go fabricating things again, Arlene". Or, "You have an over active imagination" when I would hear things I should not have heard and repeated them to her. Her whole life, in my opinion, revolved around her. In her defense, she grew up very poor and liked, need, and wanted nice things. She kept me nice, well fed and we had a clean roof over our head. But I never felt truly nurtured. She never played games with me. I remember that she would sleep a lot, and I pretty much was able to run around anywhere I wanted in my neighborhood and farther. She was more involved with going out, with her friends. She and my father married young, she had me at 19 he was 23. He wanted a boy and more children she only wanted one child. She had several male friends at different times. But she became involved with Joe when I was 8. He was an abusive alcoholic. He beat and raped her almost nightly and I heard every bit of it. He mentaly abused me telling me that I was ugly and would never amount to anything, and my mother would follow right in his foot steps. He had two sons that eventually came to live with us. They were my allies. The younger of the two by a year was more my buddy, the other one my age, always did the same things we did but stayed out of trouble. I would constantly be punished for no good reason, other than to just be out of the way. One incident, I fell off the very top of a slide and was knocked out, a neighborhood boy ran to get my mother. I can't remember if she carried me or walked me in the house but she brought me upstairs and told me to run some luke warm water in the tub and just sit and soak. So that is what I did! When I was done I had to use the toilet and when I cleaned myself I noticed blood thinking I had started my mensus, I hollard for one of the boys to get my mom. She came up and I showed her and she said don''t be ridiculous! Did you wash like I told you to? I said Mommy you told me only to soak then go to bed. She got mad at me and beat me and I was punished for two weeks. No concern about a hemmorage, or concussion, and I went to school the next day. The list goes on and on. Over the course of the years my mother has played with my head so much that I don't even know if the truth I speak is real or fabrication. I have been in mental health hospitals many times for attempted suicide, I suffer from bipolar, I feel I may have ptsd, suffer from traum, and border line. Now, she is telling my husband of 7 months he needs to put me in a long term mental health care facility... but not tell arlene about it. But because he loves me he has divulged that much of more than he wanted to... please help.

[cdad]

What is your question?

[JoeCanada76]

I think that writing your experiences out here, may help some what.

Do you see a counselor on a regular basis? Are you on any kind of medications? Your husband, is very supportive or not? Of you?

Any time somebody goes through bad experiences, it is up to that individual to get help and grow from the experiences. By making more positive changes in their life or be dragged down by their personal experiences.

Your mother has no right to influence your husband in any way. This is now between you and your husband and your husband is your voice now. Not your mother.

How does your husband feel? Does he feel you need help? Your obviously still hurting from these experiences. You need to open up to your husband and you and your husband together figure out what is best to do.

It is not up to your mother anymore.

Joe

[ScottGem]

I moved this from Family Law since there was no legal question here. In fact its not clear what the question is at all. What do you need help with.

Clearly, though, you need counseling to help you deal with all these issues. Have you tried to get any?

[texanbychoice]

Thank you, Scott. I didn't think when I posted it. I was just happy to find some where I could vent everything.

[texanbychoice]

What is your question?

I apologize, my question is, why would parents dislike their children so much, as to take care of them, but not nurture them properly? Or even as in my father's case, take care of another woman's children (4), and her grandchildren, and completely push me and my son out of his life?

[ScottGem]

I apologize, my question is, why would parents dislike their children so much, as to take care of them, but not nurture them properly? Or even as in my father's case, take care of another woman's children (4), and her grandchildren, and completely push me and my son out of his life?

To answer the first part, too many people have no clue how to be a parent. While instinct plays some part, babies do not come with a training manual. There is a lot of pressure on couples to have children, yet many couples should not. Its very possible the way you were treated was not a reflection on you, but rather a lack on the part of your parents. A good therapists can help you understand this and help with yourself esteem.