[Smiller86]

Dear forum goers, I need an outlet, so let me spill it.

I am 24, and am with a wonderful woman, also 24, we have been together since we were 18. That may not be very long to some of you more mature folks, but for me it's been a long time. We have been living together for 3 to 4 of those 6 years, we co habitat well.

I love this woman fully and whole-heartedly. I believe she reciprocates, I can see it in her eyes (I'm sure you know that look). However, over the last few years our sex life has dwindled from regular, 3-5 times a week, lovemaking to maybe once a month.

We are both healthy, there have been no deaths in the family, no detractors of any sort as of late.

Our current situation is financially stable, close to relatives, close to friends. We go out often, hang out at home otherwise and play games together and watch movies with friends, you know, active and fun.

I feel extremely bad for being aroused around her a lot of the time, as she has almost no sexual drive whatsoever. She will occasionally masturbate or let me do it for her, or give her cunnilingus, but that's it.
On rare, rare occasions directly after she reaches orgasm during cunnilingus she will want sex.

It's to the point where I even feel guilt pangs for becoming aroused in her presence or when we're out on a date, or even when we wake up in the morning and she is rocking that sexy bed head and sweat pants combination.

I am literally falling into severe depression mode, I haven't felt this low since I was in my mid teens. (When I was 13 I was admitted to a psyche ward for having suicidal tendencies and severe depression/anger issues)
I feel no thoughts of self harm, which is good, but I am starting to lose the will to do anything, I've dropped my hobbies, all I do is tend to my woman, go to work, come home, play games, clean, allocate money for bills, tend to my woman some more (dinner, massage, watch a movie, scrub her back in the tub, etc), then she goes to bed, and I stay up all night loathing myself for feeling naturally horny, for god's sake, I'm a 24 year old guy, it's supposed to happen.

Now, we live in a moderately sized apartment with a roommate, I'm going to leave her name out for privacy and respect. She is 27, I believe, and sexually active with her boyfriend (and her other male friends when the boyfriend is away. Not my life, not my problem, I don't judge.) However, she and her partners tend to be loud when they are having sex. She can't help it, and I am not about to ruin a good thing for her by asking her to pipe down. However, I'm starting to feel those guilt pangs whenever I hear it, followed by a swift turn to jealousy and subdued anger, similar to the anger I felt before going through anger management.

I'm literally at my wit's end here, folks. I'm getting 1-3 hours of sleep a night due to mental anguish, and it's starting to affect my normal life. It's getting really hard to keep up this happy front, when all I want to do all day is cry now.

I don't know what I want from you guys, I just need to get this off my chest before I lose my god damned mind. We HAVE talked about it, civilly, and at length, and we just don't know what to do. It breaks her heart to see me hurt over something she can't just turn on and off at will. Ing libido.

Thanks for your time and bandwidth.

[ZoeMarie]

Why are you keeping up a happy front? Be honest with her. I know you've said you've talked about it, but does she know you're in this much pain? Tell her how you feel. What if she has no idea you feel this way? Relationships without good communication are doomed to fail and if you're pretending to be happy, it's not looking good.

[talaniman]

Why do you have a room mate who makes you feel guilty? Wonder what the wife thinks about having a room mate who has many boyfriends, and gets a lot of sex. Bet that s a pretty good setting for romance, and love making you think?

Get rid of the room mate, and see if things get better. I can't believe you ignore the obvious.

[Cat1864]

Why are you letting history repeat itself? It may be different causes, but you say that it is causing you to feel the way you did in the past. Didn't previous therapy teach you to be proactive?

Talk with your girlfriend. Ask her to see her doctor about any possible health problems that could be affecting her libido. Find out if your roommate is causing her to feel self-conscious. Be honest with her and listen to what she has to say. Work together to find out if there is something wrong that can be fixed or if you just aren't compatible.

Both of you sit down with your roommate and let her know that her exploits are getting out of hand. She may not realize how loud she and her playmates are. If she does and doesn't care, then you need a new roommate.

Communicate with both of them and hopefully compromises can be reached that will make life better for all three of you.

Pick up your hobbies again. Get out of the rut. Get out of the house every now and then with your friends. She should do the same.

[CravenMorhead]

To be concise, as well as parrot what Cat1864, figure out why her libido is so low. Go to a doctor, or a sexual therapist. There is most likely a reason and when you figure it out, it might put things back on track.

It looks like you're accepting what you have and not asking yourself how to make it better.

I found this one out the hard way: Sometimes love just isn't enough.