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Syngirl04 · Jun 15, 2010, 10:51 PM

I am younger, had two DUI's, been addicted to pills for the past year and am working on getting clean. It's really hard; I hate myself for letting things get so bad. I have issues when it comes to talking with others about my problems so sometimes my worries/fears/emotions eat me alive. I have good days and bad days. Suicide does cross my mind quite often and it scares me. I am a smart person, it might not seem like it. I just made some really bad decisions. Any advice would be helpful.

DazedNConfused8707 · Jun 16, 2010, 12:12 AM

I went through those same feelings. You just have to live your life day by day. I lost my daughter 2 years ago and I about lost my mind. You just need relax and try to find the "true" u, not the one that is stressed and making bad decisions. I hope everything gets better for you. Also, I would talk to a therapist, they can help get some of that stuff off your mind and they are a "neutral" party that doesn't judge you.

Clough · Jun 16, 2010, 12:15 AM

Hi, Syngirl04!

Are you a member of any groups around where you live, where the people share with each other about how to cope with similar issues that you're having, please?

Thanks!

J_9 · Jun 16, 2010, 12:23 AM

Originally Posted by Clough

Hi, Syngirl04!

Are you a member of any groups around where you live, where the people share with each other about how to cope with similar issues that you're having, please?

Thanks!

Apparently she isn't. If you actually read the post she has a hard time talking to people.

See here:

I have issues when it comes to talking with others about my problems

Clough · Jun 16, 2010, 02:14 AM

Originally Posted by J_9

Apparently she isn't. If you actually read the post she has a hard time talking to people.

See here:

Hi, J_9!

So do some of the people who are in those groups. A lot of times, they come to the meetings to just listen.

Thanks!

Syngirl04 · Jun 16, 2010, 07:13 PM

Thanks for the feedback

fuzznuttski · Jun 18, 2010, 07:43 PM

The need for support is tantamount. Going to some AA/NA meetings to just listen can help break down your barriers & hopefully build trust. Most people who begin treatment this way experience trust issues. Given a fair chance, those issues will pale away. The recovery process is a slow one because we are/were always in a rush for the next buzz. For the 1st time in yer life you can put yourself before the addiction. Any shame you anticipate will pale away too. When put in the position of that next drink/drug, ask yourself, "Is this going to take more from me than I get from it?" We all need help in our daily lives. How UNmanageable do you want to make yours? Seek the help...somewhere. And if it doesn't seem to work for you, perhaps you can either find another way, or just try harder. But you need to associate w/ clean/sober people for your recovery to become reality. Learn to love yourself...UNCONDITIONALLY!!

KBC · Jun 19, 2010, 12:15 AM

Originally Posted by Syngirl04

Thanks for the feedback

Ok,in order to help,we will need some interactions.

I understand timidity,but this isn't in person,please come back and open up(at least a little bit), we would all like to help,not judge you for your past, as most of us who will join in this discussion HAVE a past similar to yours.

You began to reach out for advice,but advising a brick wall just isn't fruitful,the wall isn't learning,isn't asking to be anything more than a brick wall.

If you really want advice,you are gong to have to give a little to be able to take a little.

Don't worry, we don't bite, (hard anyway):D

Clough · Jun 19, 2010, 12:18 AM

Yes, you're not alone here, Syngirl04!

Syngirl04 · Jun 19, 2010, 07:22 AM

Open up on here or at a meeting or both haha! I know I need to hit up some meetings, I notice on my "bad" days how alive and hungry my cravings still are. I don't really want to drink unless everyone else is but when it comes to pills I think I have wanted them everyday since sobriety. I think I loved them so much because they helped me shut my mind off, I have bad anxiety and now being depressed doesn't help either. I think becoming more active like jogging, bikeriding, just being outdoors has helped me a lot. If I get really down or anxious I just throw on my mp3 player and head out for a jog and it kills it. I'm supposed to start counseling soon as well so hopefully that should be beneficial. I can't really think of anything else to share so if you have any unanswered questions let me know and I thank you all so very much for your wisdom ;)

KBC · Jun 19, 2010, 07:49 AM

Glad to see you back:)

That bit of sharing helps greatly for me and others to begin discussion.

Meetings aren't bad,but there can be personality issues there,I do understand that,, even though the guidelines are 'principals before personalities', that doesn't always float.:(

One thing not mentioned is you length of time clean?That will be brought up either here or in meetings,much less at the therapist... can you give us a date?

Syngirl04 · Jun 19, 2010, 05:15 PM

I was clean for about a month and a half and then last Saturday to be perfectly honest I went out and drank which led to taking some pills. It was a good time and in a sense I felt like I needed it but it shocked me how fast those two activities coincided like they went hand in hand. So I guess to make a long story short I've been sober for a week.

Syngirl04 · Jun 19, 2010, 05:16 PM

Also I have the AA Blue Book. I kind of started reading it.

Clough · Jun 19, 2010, 05:22 PM

I've been sober a couple of months now, Syngirl04! One of the main reasons that I keep sober, is because of being involved with other alcoholics/addicts like myself who are also trying to recover.

Clough · Jun 19, 2010, 05:24 PM

Originally Posted by Syngirl04

Also I have the AA Blue Book. I kinda started reading it.

I'm on my second reading of it in two months. Three, if I count the time spent reading it with my sponsor. It's one of the best and most meaningful books that I've ever read in my entire life. I get more out of it every time that I read things again in it.

Syngirl04 · Jun 19, 2010, 05:32 PM

That's a really good idea. I do agree I need to get more immersed in meetings and such. It's kind ahard right now though because I lost my license for a year this time around. One of my big issues is really accepting everything that happened and getting into a new swing of things due to my current situations.

Clough · Jun 19, 2010, 05:38 PM

Do you know how to find out where meetings are located around where you live? Sometimes, it's not easy to find them, even by calling numbers in the phone book where the people are supposed to know where meetings are held.

But, once a person goes to a meeting, typically, there will be listings of when and where for other meetings available at any of the meetings.

Clough · Jun 19, 2010, 06:18 PM

What time zone are you in, Syngirl04? Both KBC and myself are in the Central Time Zone of the U.S.

Thanks!

Syngirl04 · Jun 19, 2010, 07:16 PM

Yes I do know how to find meetings, I just need to find a home group that I feel comfortable with. I live in the Eastern Time zone

fuzznuttski · Jun 19, 2010, 09:31 PM

Going to different meetings will give a good sense of what can make you comfortable. Having a home group is important so that you can become familiar w/ them (trust) & they can get to know you (more trust). I was fortunate in that my home group in Lansing MI was an 8 AM 6-day/week session, w/ 2 days of topics, 2 days of Steps, 1 of Promises & 1 Big Book. When you said you "kinda started" reading the Big Book, perhaps attending a Big Book study group would be a good way to do more than just "kinda". If there are none in your area, you may be able to find on online. Also, w/ your 2 DUIs, are you under a court order to attend AA? If so, go to more meetings than required. That'll help you more in the long run, & by all means get & keep documentation of your attendance. And get a sponsor or 2. Sounds like a lot? Not when you "Make a decision"... to keep coming back! Look forward to hear of your progress.