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confusedpuppet · Jun 17, 2010, 05:03 AM

My ex broke up with me a year ago. Just a bit of history, we dated for a year plus. She knows I loved her very much but didn't know to what extend, and was very insecured as I didn't want to commit at that time. Basically, I was waiting for the right time. I knew right from the start that she was the one for me. Anyway, it's over and it was an unpleasant breakup. It took me a year to get over her. Recently, I got to know she will be moving to Canada in two weeks time. Should I cool things off with her, as I didn't want to carry this baggage of hatred or whatever it is with me?

Have any of you guys been able to be friends with your ex again? Just a note, we were friends before we dated each other.

liz28 · Jun 17, 2010, 05:15 AM

First are you and her friends now? Some of my exes I have remain friends with and most of them I haven't. However, I only remained their friend because I have no feelings for them and donot want them apart of life rather them a friend.

If you can take seeing her or being with someone else rather than you>>then being friends are okay. If you can't then I don't think being friends are a good idea.

Also, if it took a year to get her then way backtrack and even think about opening that door again? Sometimes you have leave things in your past and move on.

confusedpuppet · Jun 17, 2010, 06:02 AM

We no longer talk to each other ever since we broke up. I just thought maybe before she leaves, I can try to be her friends her again. Just friends, and nothing more than that since we won't be seeing each other again and we will be pretty far apart. I used to love her very much and now I just care for her as a friend. She told one of my friends that she will give me all the time I want to heal and she's OK to be friends again whenever I'm ready. Should I just leave it as it is or be friends with her again?

liz28 · Jun 17, 2010, 06:07 AM

I think you should leave it as it but that is just my opinion.

Dornraben · Jun 17, 2010, 06:18 AM

Originally Posted by confusedpuppet

... I loved her very much ... I knew right from the start that she was the one for me ... It was an unpleasant breakup ... It took me a year to get over her.

Doesn't sound like the sort of relationship that would ever work as friends to me. You may feel as though you've truly got over her, but perhaps you've just learned to deal with the pain of the breakup. Renewing contact might only bring it all back up. What if you disocver she's happily with some other fellow. Are you sure it wouldn't bother you?

Also, what about her feelings? How would she feel if you got in touch again?

The risks outweigh the rewards in this one, I reckon.

kctiger · Jun 17, 2010, 06:19 AM

What's the point of trying to be friends with her when you know she is moving very shortly? It seems like you are trying to quickly mend fences, but in two weeks time I don't think it is a good idea to try to build some sort of friendship with someone who probably evokes a lot of feelings in you.

Perhaps just dropping a line saying good luck, or some other kind gesture would be nice, but thinking you can just become friends all of the sudden is not realistic. I'm sure she will be extremely busy these next two weeks.

She is your ex, and this is life. Let her go, in peace, without old memories to burden her.

confusedpuppet · Jun 17, 2010, 08:49 AM

I don't know.. I feel like I have this baggage with me and just thought of settling it before she leaves. Her house is next to mine. We see each other every day. Odd, I know. She tried to talk to me, and even called me up when she got to know that I was the one paying for her farewell party together with a 800 dollars gift. To add, I organized the party, making sure everything was in proper order. Then, I had my friends to run the show even though I was not physically there.

Yes, I know she will be dating someone new in the future. Before that, she went out dating some guys too. My world collapsed when I got to know about it. But, I've learned to let go.

She will always be someone I care about all the time. That's the reason why I thought of rekindling our friendship again and wonder if ex can be friends.

talaniman · Jun 17, 2010, 09:06 AM

Say good bye when she leaves, and let it go. I think you have done quite enough, and above and beyond what may have been prudent.

We all know what triggering this feeling, as you were quite satisfied as long as she was close, and near to you, but now that she is leaving your life, are you panicking? Maybe not yet, but you still maybe getting carried away a bit by this news.

My only concern is I doubt your healing is anywhere near complete, and the last thing you need is to try to be friends before you have properly healed.

confusedpuppet · Jun 26, 2010, 12:35 PM

I did drop her a note, a simple one, like what I will do for a normal friends with a bit of humour since she told one of my friends that I can get in touch with her whenever I'm ready. She did try to talk to me, but at that time I wasn't ready and I ignored her. Anyway, she didn't reply to my text. I do find it funny, as she was the one who told everyone that she's ready and I was not. But when I'm ready, she goes complete silence. Just weird on how people don't keep to their words.

confusedpuppet · Jun 29, 2010, 08:15 AM

I don't know why but I find it why when she didn't reply my text. You know, just a gesture would be nice since she told one of my mates whenever I'm ready. And now when I'm ready, there isn't any reply. Does it happen to anyone of you?

kctiger · Jun 29, 2010, 08:32 AM

She didn't reply to your text because, to be honest, you aren't a priority in her life right now. It bugs you because clearly you still have feelings for her. It is obvious you weren't ready to get in touch with her, otherwise you would let this slide right off you. Now you are sitting here irritated and wondering why she can't possibly reply.

Lesson learned, and yes, this has happened to me. I have a simple rule when it comes to contacting an ex, and it is used more often than not: Don't DO IT!

vanheart · Jun 29, 2010, 06:24 PM

Not sure what you are looking for.
A sideways back in to her life?

Her pen pal?

Like KC said, what's the point?

Don't forget what ex means.

Get on with your life. Let her move on w/hers.

confusedpuppet · Jul 8, 2010, 08:25 AM

I'm back again. The day before she took off, she left me a voice mail saying that she will be flying off in 3 hours time. I know she was lying at that moment as her flight to Canada supposed to be the following day. Until now, I didn't reply nor send her a note. I don't know why she opt to lie, and as the matter of fact, I didn't even ask any of her flight details. Why would someone keeps lying?

talaniman · Jul 8, 2010, 01:54 PM

To get what they want by hook, or crook!!

vanheart · Jul 8, 2010, 05:34 PM

Its been a year.

Let it go. She's moving.

Focus on other things. Good ones. You have friends, right?

Confused puppet no longer...

Kitkat22 · Jul 8, 2010, 05:41 PM

Don't try to rekindle something when there are no sparks left.

Homegirl 50 · Jul 8, 2010, 05:51 PM

Originally Posted by confused puppet

I'm back again. The day before she took off, she left me a voice mail saying that she will be flying off in 3 hours time. I know she was lying at that moment as her flight to Canada supposed to be the following day. Until now, I didn't reply nor send her a note. I don't know why she opt to lie, and as the matter of fact, I didn't even ask any of her flight details. Why would someone keeps lying?

I think she knows you are not over her and this is why she is so evasive with you.
I would imagine it would seem awful strange to her for you to want to be "friends" when she is moving away. Just the fact that you're tripping over this, that you paid for her party says you are not over her.

I think it's best to just leave this alone.