[INeedAGoodName]

Basically me and this girl have been talking for a few months now and get on really well, we're both young (I'm 17) and we tell each other everything, talk all the time (we've been known to talk for over six hours... ) and just generally get on really good.

Anyway a few days ago I told her how I felt about her (just wanted to see her happy etc... her last boyfriend was a total ?#!* and hit her and stuff) and that whatever happens I'll always be there for her as I have before and she tells me she really likes me and trusts me because I've been there for her, make her laugh, she feels like she has good conversations which never end with me unlike this other dude (later on) who sounds like a (and I quote) "chav robot" etc. So we're deciding on what we're going to do... we don't think our friendship would be ruined if it doesn't workout because we get on too well for that to be the case.

But then she does the whole 'however... ' bit which everybody knows is never good! She said that her feelings for me are really strong and they'll never go away because of how good I've been with her and that I tell her things that nobody has ever said to her before however she thinks she likes another guy.

Now at first this was obviously a major blow however like I said before, all I want is to see happy and if she's happy with him and us being really close friends then that's fine with me. The only problem is that she's already told me about some initial concerns of hers over this guy. I won't tell you everything but this will put him into perspective, this guy found a phone and instead of going through the contacts trying to find whose it is to hand it to them he's told her he's going to "sell it so I can take you(her) out". Now her feelings were the same as mine (and I hope everyone else's!) about this... she was like 'wth.. how lovely... not' (but didn't say this to him).

She's told me she's not too sure what she likes about him as he's completely different to her! He likes 'grime' music and she likes pop, for those UK users on here he's a 'chav' and she's... well she's nothing at all like a chav! It's worrying how blind she appears to be going with this dude (and I'm not just being bitter!) I generally think it'll end in tears again... and she doesn't install me with confidence when she says "I don't know why I'm with him... all he'll probably want to do is cinema > drunk > sex, which he isn't getting from me!".

Anyone been in a situation like this before? I've tried telling her what I think about it and although she shares the same concerns about it she's still going through with it? She appears to be a love sick puppy with this guy... so far I've come to the conclusion of just backing away from the relationship thing which she's having and ignoring it, focusing on our really strong friendship which we have already which I've been doing for the past few days however I've been wondering if this is the right thing to do? It just feels like I'm waiting for it to all fall apart and then whiz around and pick up the pieces for her...

[Homegirl 50]

If this guy is abusive and no good for her there isn't anything you can do until she sees the relationship is not good, until she is ready to leave.

Leave her alone. Tell her you will be there as a friend when she leaves him but it is inappropriate for you to be friends with her now.

[INeedAGoodName]

If this guy is abusive and no good for her there isn't anything you can do until she sees the relationship is not good, until she is ready to leave.

Leave her alone. Tell her you will be there as a friend when she leaves him but it is inappropriate for you to be friends with her now.

Thanks for the quick reply I don't understand how me being friends with now is inappropriate? I mean we've been getting on fine like normal for the last few days... I just feel that I'm going to have to pick up the pieces and support her again in a few months. It's a horrible feeling knowing theirs a 95% chance you'll have to do this.

It's like 3AM here so sorry if theirs a obvious reason as to why we can't be friends any more because she's seeing someone else? She said herself she wants to be friends forever if not more.

[Homegirl 50]

She has a boyfriend. That is why it is inappropriate for you to be friends with her.
You don't need her attaching to you, she ends up cheating and you have a big mess.
Or you start to really care and you end up hurt because she chooses him over you.

This is not a good situation. Leave her alone.

She is needy and vulnerable. That is not a good mix.

[INeedAGoodName]

So even though we've been friends for months now she's got a boyfriend in the last few days I need to stop being friends with her and remove her from my life?.

[Homegirl 50]

Now that she has a boyfriend she should not be wanting to spend so much time with you.
You are going to be the one who ends up hurt. She either wants to be with this guy or she doesn't.
You can be there for her but these marathon phone conversations should stop.
How would you feel if the situation were reversed. If your girl was telling all of you guy's business to another guy, having long conversations.. This is just not a smart thing to do.

[Kitkat22]

She doesn't want a good guy like you. She likes the bad boys. She likes guys ( I've used this term so often) she can "fix". Sorry but she'll find out she can't do it.

Don't sit around waiting for her .