[saoirse]

Hello , I got really confused and I needed to gather some opinions about this whole situation .
I met this guy one and half months ago . I was just not looking for someone cause I was recovering from a 4 year relationship which ended four months prior to my first meeting with this guy . He saw me at a friend and he is from another country , he came to our town because he wants to settle down here because he has family and friends here .

He is 22 and I am 30 so I didn't imagine us starting something or being in a relationship . The guy had a very "come and go life till now " always moving places end never being able to find a place called "home " due to his family background . He fell in love with the life of our small town and with the concept of family (his aunt , grandmother and uncle are rally treating him like a family which he never had ).

After our first date he was really all over me . In a week we met every day after he finished working with his uncle and after I finished my work . We spent every night together and soon he began to tell everyone about me (his friends , his family )We went on a trip together and we really felt great , he confided in me he talked about his personal issues , he was concerned about the age gap but he was determined to compromise to make things good . I am dance instructor and I had to leave town for a competition and he texted and called all the time (I never initiated calls ) he said he missed me and wanted me back. I came back and then he had to leave for 3 weeks to his country to bring all his stuff here and his car . We started with talking 3 or 4 times a day , then the distance brought some misunderstandings I felt he was pulling back so I naturally asked what was going on and that I don't mind taking things slower but I would like to know . He wrote a text stating " i am not sure i want a serious relationship right now , but i don't want us to be over , i just need some time from you to clear my head and to see where my life goes once i am back . " I agreed , yet he kept communicating with me every day through text and let me know when he is coming home . He arrived on Friday and after seeing his friends and family he came to me and spent the night (very loving and kissing me ) he explained why he needs a week freedom to see if he really wants a serious relationship right now . I agreed , he left . Since then he never called nor sent a text . I saw him accidentally on the street and he greeted and looked down really embarrassed , so yesterday I called him and told him I wanted to talk . He said we can meet , than he called me that he was in rush but we can still talk for a few minutes . I said OK and we met in a park cause he refused to go for a coffee (I later found out he had no money at all since he arrived back ). He behaved really strange and nervous . I stood on a bench and he was walking around me and never making eye contact . I was smiling and I said" i want to make some things clear , this thing we started wont lead anywhere , i know it and you know it , let`s put an end to it here because i want us to be able to talk and maybe drink a coffee together sometime , you don't have to avoid me or think that i am angry with you , i am not at all we rushed things and we should stop and try to remain on friendly terms " he didn't say anything , just apologized that since he is back here (4 days he s been only staying with friends and he feels that his family doesn't want him there , and the work offer he had is no longer available , so he is constantly thinking what to do ) I wished him luck since I saw him being nervous and wanting to leave asap . That was all . I am trying to figure out what had happened and what can I expect from such an immature guy when we next see each other . Please if you have any explanation from experience I would like to read it . Thanks a lot . I am really confused

[positiveparent]

I could be wrong but going on what you've written in your post, and how you have said he was very nervous and behaving strange, the I think he's keeping something from you, another female perhaps.

I would say to you to go No Contact, and get him out of your life, he is up to something, don't hang around long enough to let him have the chance to dump it on you. Forget him.

[saoirse]

Thanks for the advice . I don't thin it is another female so soon because the town being so small everyone knows everybody and these stuff usually make a story , but something there is . Maybe he is just seeing that his settling down here is not really possible , he doesn't know the language of our country , he has no posibility of finding a job and his uncle`s support is lacking as I heard .Yet , he knew he had my support and I am kind of known here due to my work , yet he pulled back and avoids me clearly .

[mawtom]

He is not your problem. You met him 1 1/2 months ago? Move on. Would that be a problem? I can only hope that you don't think you are in love with him after such a short time. What is the issue here?

[saoirse]

Hi . The issue here is that I am just very eager to understand why . Of course I move on , but I still want to know what happened so suddenly . It intrigues me and in order to move on I need this closure . Not from him but I need an explanation to this situation .

[mawtom]

Why? Well let's speculate. He could be into drugs. Maybe he got some girl pregnant. Maybe he robbed a bank or a variety store or stole a car. Maybe he is here illegally. Maybe he just doesn't want a relationship. Maybe he has a wife in his own country that he will be bringing over. I mean, if you REALLY need to know (which I don't see why you do) just ask him.

[talaniman]

My take is that you started to act like a couple very quickly, and satisfied each others lusts and companionship needs, and got comfortable very fast. Maybe too fast.

But then the reality of life got in the way and he has to make some hard choices just to get his act together, typical I think of any young guy just starting.

You guys certainly squeezed a lot into a month and a half, and I'm sure you both enjoyed it.

But the young guy isn't even in a position for thinking longer term, he has to get his feet on solid ground, which may involve moving so he cut the summer romance thing short, because he knows he won't be building any roots right now.

He enjoyed it, maybe regrets having to move, but he has to get established,. somewhere soon, so that's what he has to do.

Sorry it didn't last as long as you wanted, but it would have been hard, and to his credit, he didn't want to use you. Or maybe he did and you don't know.

After a month and a half, he is still a stranger, and you have not had the time to get to know each other other than the romantic side of things, and given the circumstances of his stability and employment issues, that may have been the best thing for you both.

Closure=acceptance of the circumstances. It was great while it lasted wasn't it?? Doubt you will get more than what you got.

[saoirse]

An update to this story :

I just saw him in front of my house walking hand in hand with a girl he started a fling with before me . He told me about her before we started our relationship and he talked about the kind of girl he is how she spends each night with different boys and what a... she is and that when he found out from friends he got really sick and backed off and that he is not at all interested in anything with this girl . Now I saw them hand in hand and he made sure I saw them . I don't understand why he had to show me this .

[positiveparent]

I think it was to show you that its really over and he's moved on a bit callous however you now have your closure. You'll find the one for you one day. So don't cry over spilt milk, he's just shown you how shallow he really was...

[talaniman]

What a jerk! Don't forget to thank him for setting you free to find something much better. Trust me you will.