[tesnbaz]

I have been involved with a married man for 3 years, I would like him to leave his wife but he says he don't know how. The wife does know about me she knows that we have spent time together and have been intimate. They have two grown sons and she uses them against him telling him that if he leaves he will lose them and that they will never speak to him again. He also has worked hard and has made a good life and he doesn't want to lose the things he's worked so hard for. The last thing he tells me is that he doesn't love her but he does care about her and feels he has an obligation to her they have been married 30 years. What do I do , I have never met a man like him and we just seem to fit emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Help

[Barry1981]

Well, your first mistake was to get involved with a married man, your second was sticking around for 3yrs on the off chance he might leave her! He's getting the best of both worlds at the moment. He is also correct in saying that he has an obligation to her... they're MARRIED, he has every obligation to her!

The only thing you can do is remove yourself from his life, tell him you no longer want to have anything to do with him whilst they are together and DO NOT contact him. Only then will he decide what he truly wants... beware though, he may leave his wife for you and then go straight back her - she's his comfort zone.

Would you walk out on a partner you've been married to for 30yrs and who is the father of your children? I know I'd do my utmost to make my marriage work, no matter what!

I fail to see what you are gaining from this relationship? Other than the constant promise of him leaving and then letting you down. The relationship cannot progress anywhere in its current state.

[redhed35]

If he was going to leave he would have done it by now,he has said in his own way he is not leaving.

You're the bit on the side,she's the wife and mother and has been for 30 years.

What should you do,walk away,plain and simple,find a single man who can offer you the love and respect you want and deserve.

He's a cheater,and you continued the relationship even when you knew he was married,and now your looking for a way to make him leave!

There's no magic formula here and id bet my new shoes he'll never leave his wife.

[tene08]

Obviously I can see something is wrong with you to try to break up a marriage for 30 yrs. You had no right to get involved with him in the first place and then stayed for 3 yrs.

Also you said YOU would like him to leave his wife but you didn't say HE wanted to leave her.

It sounds to me that you messed up their marriage or have a major part to play for it going down hill.

[JoeCanada76]

He is married. Married for 30 years for that matter. He does have children. His responsibility is with his family and his children.

You know what both him and you are in the wrong to continue this.
He has his cake and is eating too. I am sure you have heard of that before.

The only thing to do, after 3 years. Tell him that its over and leave. If he really wants to be with you no strings attached. He will get a legal divorce and leave his wife.

Which I do not see happening.

[Homegirl 50]

This man is not going to leave his wife for you, he has it pretty good. He has her and you on the side, so why would he give up his cushy life for you.

You are wasting your time, he has told you he's not leaving the marriage so you need to decide if you want to continue to waste your life or get one.

[JudyKayTee]

I suspect he is going to outlive his sons so waiting for them to die before he leaves his wife is not going to happen.

I see this relationship going nowhere.

[Kitkat22]

In my opinion thirty years of marriage isn't going to end because of you. You were a "mid-life crisis affair".

Don't wait for him to leave his wife... That's not goinng to happen.

[SupernovaNebula]

I have been involved with a married man for 3 years, I would like him to leave his wife but he says he don't know how. The wife does know about me she knows that we have spent time together and have been intimate. They have two grown sons and she uses them against him telling him that if he leaves he will lose them and that they will never speak to him again. He also has worked hard and has made a good life and he doesn't want to lose the things hes worked so hard for. The last thing he tells me is that he doesn't love her but he does care about her and feels he has an obligation to her they have been married 30 years. What do I do , I have never met a man like him and we just seem to fit emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Help

You will wake up and you will realise you've wasted the best part of your life on this man who isn't worth his weight in salt. You may think as you do but believe you me, I too once thought like you. At the time I was young and foolish and in a bad way when I entered into a 'relationship' with a married man and he was there and told me the same sort of bull as your married man is feeding you. Do they all go to same how to bull**** school as they all seem to feed stupid women they same old tripe and women the world over fall for it.

The wife may know but it doesn't make the slightest bit of difference to him. He doesn't want to be with you. You only fill a void in his pathetic existence and he is merely a cakeman. He wants to have his cake and eat it. I wasted 5 years on this sort of man, at the time I wouldn't have believed anything bad said against him.

Now that I have met a wonderful single man I know what I had with the married man was just ugliness, he did not love me or care about me and I was perpetuating the situation by allowed him to weedle his way back in. Get shot of this leech, blood sucking leech. He is sucking the life and draining you. Are you just worth being his bit of fluff? Don't you deserve everything he has worked hard for and shouldn't he provide for you as he does his wife? Are you not worthy of this?

Here are some article for you to read.. Cakeman TOW - The Other Woman - Cakeman Article and The Other Woman TOW - The Other Woman

Don't waste anymore time on this man, unless you want to be in the same position some 10/15 years down the line.

[Fr_Chuck]

It is easy to leave his wife, next time he is at your house, he just does not go home. He just deos not want to, tellig you lies of what you want to hear. Tell him that he either leaves NOW, today or you will. You have wasted a good part of your life.

[jmjoseph]

This is going to be a little harsh... Sorry.

Does he tell you that he loves
You? And do you actually believe him?

Does he love the cook at the restaurant who cooks his breakfast when his wife is emotionally spent?
Does he love the dry cleaner who puts just the right amount of starch in his shirts?
Does he love the mechanic who changes his oil on his lunch hour?

NO, he doesn't love them because they provide a service to him, just like you do. Except you aren't just servicing him, you are breaking up his home. His family.

The fact that she knows about you seems to make it all right to you.

You "would like him to leave his wife"... I ask you this one question. If he was YOUR husband, how would YOU feel if someone like YOU came along and tried to split up YOUR marriage?

He is using his family and his career as excuses. Meanwhile you are just hanging in there, waiting for this adulterous affair to eat at his wife's very soul, until she just leaves.

You are wasting your time, and life, on this cheater.

I'm surprised he doesn't have you starching his shirts, and changing his oil,.

Try to understand why you think so little of yourself as to be used like this.

You are being taken advantage of.

And it's really hard to "help" someone who doesn't realize that this is just plain wrong.

Zero remorse.

God bless the wife.

[Kitkat22]

His wife is the one he goes home to at night. I don't know why she stays with him after he has been with you.. but I suppose it's because she loves him. He loves
Her too. If he didn't he would have already left her for you.

You are a diversion and after three years he's probably realized
She's the better woman. She bore his children, kept his house , and she is the one who shares his bed every night.

His children probably know he isn't going to leave.. Some men
Know when they have screwed up and what they stand to lose after they jump into bed with another woman and it's not worth what they have to give up for an affair.

I hope you have remorse for what you and he have done. When his children have children, I don't think the grandchildren would be visiting much.
Leave the man alone before the wife gets tired of your sleeping with her husband and scratches your eyes out.

If he left her for you , he would be miserable and so would you. You would end up being the other woman then cause he will never be able to break the emotional bond he has with her. He still loves her, so leave them alone and find someone else.

You say the wife knows and I'll bet she probably received an anonymous phone call from you or one of your friend.. that's my opinion. Shame on you. Bless his wife.

[tesnbaz]

You say the wife knows and I'll bet she probably received an anonymous phone call from you or one of your friend.. that's my opinion. Shame on you. Bless his wife.[/QUOTE]

No she didn't receive an anonymous phone call. This is a long distance relationship and it honestly started as a friendship then the both of us started to develop feelings for the other. So he told her that's how she found out. There were problems in the marriage before I came along that he tried to talk to her about and she wouldn't talk a communication break down you would say.Believe me I have had all the thoughts that everyone keeps saying, I do feel like fluff on the side and I do feel like I have destroyed his home and I have offered to walk away and let him and her get on with their lives but he doesn't want me too. Instead he wants to find a way to involve me in his life. He would like the three of us to sit down and discuss things. I do unstand he has an obligation and that he still cares for her but I also believes he loves me too or wouldn't he just let me walk away and find a bit of fluff closer to home you see he lives in the UK and I live in the US.

[redhed35]

That makes it worse!

You only have his word to go on,he could be feeding you a load of cr$p,don't forget this man is a cheater.

For all youknow,he might have someone else in the UK,your wasteing your life on this man,what have you got? Nothing!

No future,no life together,an empty bed and empty promises.

12 or 13 strangers can see plainly what you cant, take a step back from this 2 cent relationship and try and see it for what it is,an affair that's swallowing up your time,heart and life.

Maybe his wife is clueless about the whole thing.

I'm assuming you're a grown women,your not the first who has been taken in,but you can stop this,he has a wife and family,and he is not going to leave them.

[sadiemae7]

I don't understand what you are getting out of this? He is married and living in another country. You don't have a relationship. You have nothing.

Has he purchased a place for you to live so you can be near him? Has he filed for a legal separation from his wife?

You would have more of a "relationship" if you were involved with a single man, in the same country, same state, same city, who was in jail doing hard time.


You are thinking of him as a five course meal. He is thinking of you as dessert.

Tell him you will not speak to him again until he sends you copies of his divorce proceedings.

Cut all contact with him. I'm sure he has someone else who actually lives in the same country. He doesn't care for you or his wife. He only cares for himself. If he left his wife and married you he would treat you the same way. He is a cheater and a liar and a user.

Find someone who is available to be with you and only you.


His "obligation" as he keeps referring to his wife wouldn't end if he divorced her. He would give her half of everything they own, child support, alimony, etc...

He said he wants the 3 of you to sit down and talk? Talk about what? All of the reasons he is a jerk and which one of you lucky women gets to be with him, lol. He is ridiculous!

You can do better.

[talaniman]

How do you justify being a long distance booty call? You don't ask a married guy if he wants you to leave, you TELL him your leaving, and then back it up with actions.

[Homegirl 50]

You say the wife knows and I'll bet she probably received an anonymous phone call from you or one of your friend..that's my opinion. Shame on you. Bless his wife.

No she didn't receive an anonymous phone call. This is a long distance relationship and it honestly started as a friendship then the both of us started to develop feelings for the other. So he told her that's how she found out. There were problems in the marriage before I came along that he tried to talk to her about and she wouldn't talk a communication break down you would say.Believe me I have had all the thoughts that everyone keeps saying, I do feel like fluff on the side and I do feel like I have destroyed his home and I have offered to walk away and let him and her get on with their lives but he doesn't want me too. Instead he wants to find a way to involve me in his life. He would like the three of us to sit down and discuss things. I do understand he has an obligation and that he still cares for her but I also believes he loves me too or wouldn't he just let me walk away and find a bit of fluff closer to home you see he lives in the UK and I live in the US.[/QUOTE]

This guy has you hook line and sinker.
What do you mean you have offered to walk away but he doesn't want you to? Of course he doesn't. He wants to keep his piece on the side. He wants to find a way to involve you in his life? He already has, you are his US side piece.
If things were so bad with this man's marriage, he would leave her. He is in the UK you are in the US, do you see other men or do you dutifully wait for scraps from him?

Like I said before, you need to stop wasting your life and get one, and I hope you realize that Karma is a bi**h. When you sleep with another woman's husband remember you can be two-timed as well. He could be doing it to you too. You need to wise up and leave this man and his cheating behind alone and get a man who belongs to no one but you.

[Kitkat22]

OK to summerize... He lives in Australia? You met at work? He was a "lonely,misunderstood poor, mistreated man who has a wife who didn't understand him"?

You saw a successful man, who is probably well off and you casually
Started being available, a shoulder to cry on when he was lonely. Telling him what a big strong man he was and how is horrible wife should be thankful for him.

You say you "tried to walk away" and he wouldn't let you? That is a crock. I'll bet the wife doesn't even know. Call his bluff and tell him you want to sit down with his wife and have a conversation.

You are playing with fire... some women don't just lay down and cry when hubby finds a fling. I would be concerned.

You want a sugar daddy... find one who isn't married and yes , you're only a bit of "fluff". There's one born every minute and I do feel sorry for his wife.

[Homegirl 50]

I have been involved with a married man for 3 years, I would like him to leave his wife but he says he don't know how. The wife does know about me she knows that we have spent time together and have been intimate. They have two grown sons and she uses them against him telling him that if he leaves he will lose them and that they will never speak to him again. He also has worked hard and has made a good life and he doesn't want to lose the things hes worked so hard for. The last thing he tells me is that he doesn't love her but he does care about her and feels he has an obligation to her they have been married 30 years. What do I do , I have never met a man like him and we just seem to fit emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Help

I almost feel sorry for you. I'm not going to dog you out (although what you are doing is wrong) the fact is, you can't break up a home unless the man lets you do it. He messed up his home, he broke vows to his wife but you don't have to help him screw her over.
The wife may know about you, but I'll bet he has told her it was a one time thing, a moment of weakness, but it has stopped. He has worked hard for his "things" and they mean more to him than you do. I doubt he is willing to move to the US or have you move to where he is.. He feels an obligation to wife? He is staying with his wife because you don't mean enough to him for him to leave here.
This man is feeding you a crock of sh** and you are eating it up. He fed you a crock when he started confiding in you (he saw you as a possible side piece)
Wise up. This man is not going to leave his wife, never had any intention of it and she may not even know about you. Or another take, she could know and does not care, it could be an arrangement they have as long as they don't throw their stuff in each other's face. Either way, you need to get a clue and leave this two timing clown alone.

[Kitkat22]

Look.. it hurts... I'm sure yoou had dreams of a home and children and a happily ever after with this man. I don't think it will happen. Why would you even think about sleeping with someone
Who is married?

How old are you? I'm not trying to be cruel but please , cut him loose and move on. You are wasting your life. Good luck