[questionnaire]

Wasn't sure where to go for something like this, but there seems to be some solid advice floating around this forum. We're both 20 years old and both attend community college and work together at a restaurant (how we met). Everything has been going pretty well between us.

A little background info on her. She's a somewhat impulsive person. Also, her family life is somewhat rocky. Her father is jobless and she isn't fond of him. A few days ago she told me that she and her family are getting evicted from their home. She is extremely mad at her parents, as this isn't the first time she's dealt with this. She said she has no intention of moving with them, and they don't even know where they're going. However, she also has no idea where she'll be going.

Now, when we first started talking (about 3 months ago), she mentioned that she had gone to a recruiter and decided to join the Navy. I thought, well I guess this relationship isn't going to work out since I just met this girl and now she'll be leaving, but I was supportive and said told her that was good if that's what she wanted to do. However, about a week later, she seemingly dropped that decision.

Fast forward to about 3 days ago. Apparently the night she found out she was getting evicted, she drunk dialed her Navy recruiter and said she needed to join. I guess this whole event rekindled something in her to strongly consider the Navy again, because today she met with him and filled out a bunch of paper work for joining.

So basically, the way I see her seeing it, her life is spiraling out of control, she has nowhere to go, and the Navy is an escape for this.

Now, my question to all of you. What do I do? I feel like it'd be horrible of me to hold her back from doing what she feels is best for her. However, this just feels like a rushed decision that's a sort of escape from her current situation. Or, maybe I'm just being selfish. Our relationship is so new though, and I know if she joins I'd almost never see her. To me, her deciding to go feels like her deciding for the relationship to be over.

She told me that she doesn't have much to stay back for except for me. She does seem genuinely distressed about the fact that she'd never get to see me, and doesn't seem totally sure about this decision.

I feel selfish if I tell her not to go, but I can't help but thinking that her deciding to go will be the end of our relationship. I just don't think 2 months is a long enough time to get to know someone before they ship off for a couple years. I understand long distance relationships are sustainable, but I just don't like the idea of trying one with such limited contact after only knowing her for a couple months.

[Strength89]

You are right when you said that her decision to join seems like a rushed decision. Many people use the military as an escape or solution to their current situations but not all will end up enjoying the experience. As a boyfriend (even though the relationship is fairly new), you have every right to worry about her decision.

However, like you said, the relationship is too new for you to have any solid say in the situation.

My advice for you is to support her as best as you possibly can and be prepared for any changes that may come about. Chances are, she won't leave for boot camp for quite a few months since she'll be in the DEP program from the time she sign her contract to the date she ships out for boot camp (if this is the case, you two have a few months to decide on where you two want the relationship to go).

Boot camp will be roughly two months but she'll be able to write home and you can also write to her. After boot camp will be her "A" school and however long that will be depends on her rate (job). In other words, if she pulls through with her decision, expect to have her to be gone for at least a year, if not longer.

I don't mean to make things seem harder for you but that is the reality of it when dealing with a potential service member or service member.

You should ask yourself whether you'd be able to maintain a relationship with someone who you will not always see or have be there for you when you're in need of support. If you are doubtful about it then I suggest you walk away from the relationship.

The relationship is still fresh so walking away shouldn't be too difficult. The difficult part here is deciding whether you'd be mentally, physically and emotionally strong (think about your OWN well being) enough to be in a relationship with her after she joins the service.

Dating a service member is doable and worth it if you put in the time and effort but at your age, do you really want to "commit" to a "military" relationship?

Just sit and think about it without worrying about her well being, focus on your own.

Good luck and keep us posted.

[talaniman]

I can understand your confusion, and apprehension at this situation. Don't take it personally as her issues where there before you got there and honestly, its typical with you people to be not as stable as they could be financially, or be confused as to the direction of their lives.

The military is a good choice for those in need of stability, or direction, and it may be better to pursue a relationship with someone who is ready for what you want, and is without her confusion.

You will love and lose many girls, for many reasons in your life, so don't trip on one who doesn't fit that well with what you are looking for in the first place.

You really need to figure out what, and why your holding on, in the first place.