[vanheart]

She wants to leave her stuff around to make you feel more like crap & have the upper hand. Play with your emotions, as she's beaching it.

Its time to show this cheating fiancée that she no longer has you pegged.

If you can't get her to get it soon, then at least get it out of your sight.
All this is prolonging starting the no contact process.

Stuff is just stuff. Your peace of mind & healing is the priority.

[talaniman]

Dude, move her stuff out of your way and have a witness. Who the hell does she think she is?

Talaniman Rule- Never allow an ex to make rules for what you do.

Talaniman Rule- Never wait when you get dumped. Get your own life and let them get theirs.

[vanheart]

One more thing.

Its hilarious when cheaters say they don't "trust" you.

Nice one.

[DMKK]

Just wanted to follow up, wow it's been 2 months here since all this went down. I had forgotten about this post.

It took about another week, I packed her stuff up and she left without much argument. She cried a bit and showed sadness and regret but never admitted to the affair even though it never stopped. There was some small contact for about a week after, stuff like a text out of the blue (after I tried NC, 3 days in, simply saing "I just want you to know I'm sorry for everything, I'll miss u"... I stupidly responded and told her I would miss her, too. Then, went into a full-blown NC again that lasted 50 days, total -- No online profile lookups, no phone, text, e-mail...

Then, had an out of the blue text from her set me back again late last week. It simply said "I miss you...". And I should have deleted/ignored as I knew that was the right thing but of course some stupid part of me felt like she was reaching out and I got drawn into her charms.

The more I read up on it she may be a borderline personality, looking at what she did and her issues over the years and the past, not to mention her drinking habits. But for some reason I think she has a pull on me and I have codependent tendencies hence my weakness when she contacts.

Well, I wish I could have been good at this, like I thought I could be -- But of course I drank too much at a party and did the wrong thing regardless since she got into my head with this contact she made. I really don't get why they reach out and then stick back at you, I really don't.


So, in the interest of honesty, here's the trail (I realize it's ridiculously bad and embarrassing and I debated even telling you about it but I figure you may as well know):

Her: "I miss you..."
Me (2 days later): "Thanks, but I have to wonder why you would tell me?"
Her: "sorry, i shouldn't have"
Me: "are you doing ok?" (so dumb of me to say this, why should I care?)
Her: "pretty good i guess, I'm in Florida right now! u?" (this was her major stab to the heart here, I didn't ask, I live in the northeast so that's basically her way to let me know she is not only still with OM, but the rich dude is taking her places and she's having all the fun.)
Me: "Good thanks! We should catch up sometime." (mistake #2 here - no idea why I wrote this but I know it hurt to read the Florida thing and I got weak, at this point I then must have turned my phone off after sending it.)

Then, woke up today and turned phone on, saw the message archive and also had these 3 new messages:

Her: "haha i dunno if that's a good idea or not, don't think I'm ready 4 that"
Her: "I really do miss u and hope you're doing good!"
Her: "love u always, be careful out there!"

So there you have it, folks. I don't share this out of pride or joy but only as a lesson and sort of a real world example of why you need NC -- They may love us, miss us even, but that in NO WAY means they want to see us or be with us. They're just playing games with us.

Obviously this is a prime example of her still being 100% with the other guy, vacationing with him no less, and keeping me on the line for ego strokes as needed (or as a second choice if this one goes south). It's so blatant.

Anyway despite all my research and reading about why staying in 100% NC is the way to go I blew it and I had to hear all that today. Not fun and a setback. I can easily go back into NC and this will not be a major setback for me but honestly I should have stayed there after "I miss you" and that should have been that.

Learn, as I am learning, and don't do what I did. Sigh!

[talaniman]

But having learned your lesson, you are free to get back on the path, and not repeat those mistakes again. See how that works?

[DMKK]

Thank you sir... An honor to have your comments here on my thread. Much appreciated.

[sackings_pepsi]

ＤＭＫＫ， i went through similar thing, but we are not engaged or anything. We just lived together for almost a year. My cellphone plan still with her on a family plan. I am paying the bill. Since we bought our bed together and some stuff in my studio still paid by us. So I thought by paying the phone bill will offset what I need to pay her back. Another thing is, I don't want to see her/talk to her, so I don't want to have her give me a check every month.

She moved out and moved on. Good thing she doesn't tell me she misses me and sh*T like that. I hope you stick with the NC rule, because these people on this forum are experts. They will minimize the pain you are going through and help you heal faster.

[DMKK]

Sorry to hear, Pepsi -- Glad you don't have any desire to have her back, I wish I could say the same but she has some weird hold on me that I am hoping will fade.

But I have to ask, when do you intend to stop paying for her phone bill? That should stop eventually right?

[talaniman]

That should have been done the same day as the break up. Today is not too late.