[J_9]

Was that nurse honest with you Reddie?

[redhed35]

Was that nurse honest with you Reddie?

Yes.

I was looking for someone to tell me everything would be OK,that aisling would pull through,I could not breathe with the fear of losing her,I was grasping at straws.

She gentle went through all the physical reasons she could not breathe without the ventalator,how her lungs were so damaged,that the toxins in her body were building up,she answered my questions one by one,and when the full realision that aisling would die hit me,she held me while I broke,and I did break.

She attending the small service at the hospital chapel,and cried,even though by then I was frozen in grief.

[J_9]

Your story makes me cry. Makes me want to hold you. I can't imagine losing a child.

You are a very strong woman. Do you participate in groups that could help other parents with children like Aisling? What a beautiful name.

[redhed35]

Yep,I'm the chairperson for the cystic fibrosis assoc in my area,I joined the pediatric focus group in the main hospital where she attended.

It feels good to give back to the nurses and doctors who helped us,they put a picture of her in the play room of children's ward,she had such a big personality,it feels good that they still remember her.

Is there counselling available to staff where you work?

Do you talk about the horrible things that happen in work to your work colleagues ?

[J_9]

It's good to know that you are giving back. We just lost a friend to CF a year ago in February. She was 12.

We have pseudo counseling. It's really a joke to be honest.

We talk to each other, but because of HIPAA, we have to be careful of what we say and who we say it to. Typically, we just chalk it up to nature. There is never a REASON why these things happen, we just have to accept that the higher power that each one of us believes in has the reason, whether we know it or not.

[cdad]

Your story makes me cry. Makes me want to hold you. I can't imagine losing a child.

You are a very strong woman. Do you participate in groups that could help other parents with children like Aisling? What a beautiful name.

Unfortunately it's a secret club that you enter into in having lost a child. And most people don't realize until they go through it how many it has happened to or how many members there are. But the ones who have been there help carry those through that are there now. Its something that is never forgotten for the rest of ones life.

[redhed35]

It's a pity you have to guard your words,and can't talk openly.

And your right,there is only so much you can do before nature takes over.

[J_9]

its a pity you have to guard your words,and can't talk openly.

If I weren't a nurse I could talk openly. But due to certain laws, I don't know if you have them in Ireland, I can't talk openly.

I have to go to bed now, I hope you understand. I am on call all day today, and have to work again tonight. I have to sleep as long as I possibly can.

[redhed35]

Rest well.

[88sunflower]

Unfortunatly its a secret club that you enter into in having lost a child. And most people dont realize until they go through it how many it has happened to or how many members there are. But the ones who have been there help carry those through that are there now. Its something that is never forgotten for the rest of ones life.

Just catching up on this thread. I have input. My parents lost two children. One a tragic accident. The other suicide. It ripped the family apart to this day. Nothing has been the same. Parents are separated now. I know for a fact life would be better today if they were both alive.

[redhed35]

Just catching up on this thread. I have input. My parents lost two children. One a tragic accident. The other suicide. It ripped the family apart to this day. Nothing has been the same. Parents are seperated now. I know for a fact life would be better today if they were both alive.

Hey sunny,I'm sorry that happened in your family.

Hope your doing OK.

[88sunflower]

Hey wild one.
I have been thinking of you. Was going to drop a quick note snail mail but life caught up with me. We are getting a new home finally! Brand spanking new. I hope you have great news with your exam results. I am sure you will.

[redhed35]

Hey wild one.
I have been thinking of you. Was going to drop a quick note snail mail but life caught up with me. We are getting a new home finally! Brand spanking new. I hope you have great news with your exam results. I am sure you will.

Bloody exams nearly sent me to the crazy house! I put so much pressure on myself.

Delighted to hear about your house,I bet gavin is beside himself,all well here,the older tow have their final exams coming up.

One is so wound up and the other could not give a damn,I gave the 'its OK,exams are not everything speech to the wound up one,and the lazy one said' your so right mam'.. ( she needs the kick up the ar$e speech)

[88sunflower]

Hope we can catch up red. I have to run out right now. Gavin has a birthday party for one of his friends at the beach. Its 55 and raining. Poor kids. I might just wait there I don't think its going to last to long.

Talk to you later.

[Aurora_Bell]

It's hard Reddy. To tell a 17 year old that she is going to have a baby, but the baby is not going to live is HARD.

What do I say? That's hard too. Each delivery is different. This one, for example, the baby may live for a few minutes, to an hour, outside of the womb, but there is no lung tissue to speak of. The baby can't breathe.

We have to tell them the truth, no sugar coating. I guess that is why I am so straight forward here. Mom was only 20 weeks pregnant, too early for viability. We have to tell them what to expect. No crying; eyes fused; can't really tell the sex; no possible way to save it's life.

We encourage them to call their religious leader (pastor, priest, etc), if they have one. Keep visitors to a minimum, keep them full of pain meds.

How do I deal personally? I cry. I cry with my patients. I don't hide it. I have to keep in mind that this was meant to happen, but why we will never know.

God, it hurts. It hurts to watch these women go through this when I can come home and hug my children. And then I get so pi$$ed off when these little 14 year olds think that they want a baby because the baby will love them unconditionally, or they THINK they are in love. What I wouldn't give to bring them to work with me.

J, I have so much freaking respect for you. I am crying, and I am not a cryer. You are a wonderful, amazing person. You are so strong to be able to sit there and cry with your patients. It speaks volumes for the person you truly are. You have a wonderful heart.

I had an ectopic pregnancy, and had to have the whole right side of my reproductive organs removed, I was four month pregnant and had just gone in for my first ultra sound, and was literally rushed to the O.R that same day. I was heart broken, and did not take it well a all. I was stuck on the maternity ward, and even though my insurance covered a private room after the operation, there was none available ANYWHERE in the hospital. I was in a ward room, with three other women who just had babies. The nurse that was "assigned" to our room was 7 month pregnant, and she would sit with the new moms and gush about how excited she was, and how wonderful she felt being pregnant, they talked about nursery ideas, and breast feeding, and how wonderful it feels to hold a new baby in their arms.

I was devastated. I begged the doctors to let me go home. I was so depressed, wasn't eating, wasn't healing. I had to stay and endure that.

The nurse would come over, give me my meds, check my incision ( I had the c-section procedure) and go over to the other women in the room and torture me. And than told me I needed to get over it, so I could get out of the hospital. It was a night mare.


Anyway, sorry to bring the mood down guys, I'm sure J is off to bed, and won't even get to read this lol. On a lighter note, I did get pregnant a year later, and have a wonderful 2 year old little girl. I have never felt love like this before, and we are off to the movies right now. Her first time, so wish me luck!

[redhed35]

Bella,your story is so tragic and heart rending.

It must have been an nightmare for you,I'm glad you have your bundle of joy now and hope she has an amazing first experience.

[Unknown008]

For all those who had a hard time concerning babies :)

[redhed35]

You're a sweet guy unky.

[Unknown008]

Thank you for the greenie Reddy :)

That sounded like... contradictory ;)

[DoulaLC]

Argh, I suppose physically bashing some sense into someone's head is outside the remit on this forum:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/pregna...nt-476834.html

I'm having one of those, 'what's the world coming to - this country has gone to the dogs' moments.

It is very sad indeed that so many are thinking a baby will fill what they are needing. Someone so young just does not have the life experience to understand all that is involved. Far too many adults don't have a clue either. I see it with the families I work with... it is unfortunate that parenting classes are not mandatory. Frustrating when the cycle keeps repeating itself.

I'm so very sorry to hear about the losses so many have experienced. Know that many have you in their thoughts even if words are not expressed...