[X-stream87]

Okay, so here is the facts:

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for over 2.5 years. I love her very much and I really want to be with her forever. Here is the problem though. We had discussed the issue of porn about a year ago and she told me how she felt about it and how she did not want me to look at it anymore. I agreed and did stop.

However, when I stopped looking at it she seemed to lose interest in me sexually. I attempted to discuss the issue with her several times but she would just get mad at me. Now she has always had trust issues and even though I had always been honest with her she would always get mad at me thinking I was lying to her. Which I was not. However after about six months of not looking at porn I started again because our sex life became very infrequent. Although I had tried to talk to her about it nothing had been resolved and we started having sex maybe 3 - 5 times a month. Now this would not be a large issue except for that we are both in our twenty's.

Now I only looked at porn 3 or 4 times since I started again and it would be maybe for ten minutes. Then I would stop. I merely get aroused by the act and think about her always. However I finally told her the truth and needless to say she is very upset. She obviously no longer believes anything I tell her. Now it just happened a few days ago and I am determined to work at this with her and make things work. She says she is willing to work on it but is convenienced I will screw up. Which feel is a fair assumption. I am not saying I will not do something stupid but I will not lie to her again that's for sure. I feel terrible and really want to fix things.

What can I expect in this situtation? I want to save things but will it work? She will be fine one minute and then angry and hurt the next. Will this pass over time?

Just really need some advice right now on where to go from here.

Thanks in advance.

[Ther4peuticH3at]

Were you at some point addicted to porn?

[X-stream87]

I would say so. I had been looking at it since I was twelve and I was asked to stop when I was 22.

[excon]

Hello x:

Yeah, we have women here all the time who think that looking at porn somehow means we don't love 'em. NOTHING could be farther from the truth...

But, YOU, my friend, NEED to tell her that. If she can't handle you being who you are, which is a normal, healthy, heterosexual guy, you need to throw her to the curb.

Watch porn, and be PROUD of it.

excon

[X-stream87]

Do not misunderstand she is a great girl and I do not want "kick her to the curb" I am willing to make the change I just want us to be able to get over this issue.

[Ther4peuticH3at]

Normally, when people take issue with porn and the like, it could be anything from religious beliefs to personal preference. But more often than not, there's an insecurity or lack of self-esteem at the root of it. Just let her know that you think she beautiful, gorgeous, sexy, everything you could ever want... Tell her that you love her and only her and that you'd give anything to be with her.. even porn.

And from there on, you can do one of three things. (1) Never watch porn again and find some other outlet. Maybe just use your imagination (2) Talk to her, build her confidence and try to help her understand that your relationship with the women on the porn tube isn't real, and doesn't mean anything. Maybe she'll come around and have less of a problem with it (3) You can just go on watching porn in secret. Most guys play this card anyway. I've got friends who's girlfriends think they jerk off to the thought of them (lol, it couldn't be further from the truth, but honestly, both parties seem happier for it)

It's all up to you, but the thing is, I know you love her because you pretty much cut off your right hand for her. I think the best thing you can do is just continue to express to her how deep your feelings are for her.

[excon]

Do not misunderstand she is a great girl and I do not want "kick her to the curb" I am willing to make the change I just want us to be able to get over this issue.

Hello again, x:

Dude! Great girls do NOT require us to change. Besides, you AIN'T going to change! The problem ISN'T wacking off. It's PROMISING not to wack off, when wacking off to porn is WHAT WE DO. We even do it when a beautiful girl is waiting in the bedroom for us to take her. I don't know why. Maybe we're deficient. They certainly think so.

But, I can tell you this. It does NOT mean we love 'em any less.

excon

[mulliganswifey]

Its not right that she sld ask you to stop watching porn, every bloke does, I sit and watch it with my hubby! It's a great way to get things going on a quiet evening in (likewe need an excuse lol)
Lying is wrong but at theend of the day if she cared she wouldn't stop you frombeing who you are

[X-stream87]

The thing is I really do "whack it" to her. She is the one I want. I have no problem with not looking at porn and it would not have been an issue in the first place but it seemed as though she lost all interest me sexually.

I never lost any interest in her. We tend to whack it to what we want. What I want is her. The issue now is making her see that since she thinks everything I say is a lie.

[excon]

it would not have been an issue in the first place but it seemed as though she lost all interest me sexually.... The issue now is making her see that since she thinks everything I say is a lie.

Hello again, x:

You've got bigger problems than porn and broken promises... No young lady should EVER lose interest in her beau, unless she's got some underlying problem...

But, you're right. Once you lie, who knows if the next word out of your mouth might be a lie too? From MY perspective, you need to find a girl who DOESN'T compel you to lie, so that you measure up to her needs. When you're loved for WHO you are, it's soooooo much better than being loved because you can fool her.

excon

[J_9]

Will she watch porn with you? You know it's a big turn on for us women too.

[X-stream87]

The thing is this is the only thing I lied about. I have always been honest with her (not that it does a lot of good). I do not want to lie I just want things to work out with her. Regardless of the fact she does not seem to be into me sexually she has a good heart.

[excon]

I just want things to work out with her. Regardless of the fact she does not seem to be into me sexually she has a good heart.

Hello X:

If you're 70, a good heart might suffice... But, if you're a young horny dude, it ain't happening. Lots of people sacrifice their lives for I don't know what. Maybe you're one of 'em.

excon

[X-stream87]

Perhaps. I think my main concern now is that she is still with me but I am having a hard time being able to tell whether she really wants to work on things.

I feel the best way to work on things is to move on and if she is having a particularly bad day then we can discuss it but. But so far I am pretty much just getting the cold shoulder.

[talaniman]

You are not going to "fix" anything in a day, or a week, or maybe even a year, so you have admitted your mistakes, and made yet another promise just like the other one, so now you have to keep it (I would never have made that promise), so do so, and back off and let her process things in her own time.

Your problem as I see it is your to willing to please her without any explanation as to what she is feeling or thinking, and you boxed yourself into a corner on this one.

If she can make demands, then she darn better explain why she is making them, and you should never give in until you have all the facts to satisfy you, and can decide if its do able or not.

Just as you have to live with her unreasonable wacky crap, so does she have to do the same about yours. That's keeping it real, and being honest. And don't make promises you can't keep, that's crazy, and as you see, causes problems.

If talking to her about certain things makes her upset, then crawl in your man cave until she ain't upset. But don't expect any over night changes for the better, or you will be sleeping on the couch, and there is nothing wrong with that.

[X-stream87]

I am findng that the she is confusing me in this situation. She tells me she wants to work on things but then tells me she does not think things will work. I am then told how we need to spend more time apart. But the thing is if I spend more time with my friends she will always think I am up to something.

It begins to become very complex.

[excon]

It begins to become very complex.

Hello again, X:

Look. They're confusing even at their BEST. We ain't never going to figure 'em out. But, this one, good heart or not, is bonkers. Let her go...

excon

[excon]

Its not as easy as that. I love her alot.

Hello again, X:

Of course you do. And, I still love my ex wife. But, that doesn't mean we could live together. It takes MORE than love.

excon

[X-stream87]

What else does it take then?

We are still young it just seems as like even though she tells me she wants to work at things the next she tells me is how she can not "look at me". She has told me that she wants to be in a Relationship with me but sees no future for us anymore.

[CarrotTalker]

She has told me that she wants to be in a Relationship with me but sees no future for us anymore.

How does that work? A relationship is all about developing with each other into the future.