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ballybee · Dec 27, 2006, 12:26 AM

Guys, I need some insight here..

Well, it's been now nearly two months since my ex broke up with me... it's been hurtful.. but I have been there before and the help I got from various sources, especially this website truly did help.

At this stage.. I got over the grieving I do believe... because thoughts of him do not prevent me to have fun etc however as you may expect this christmas has been a little harder.. I didn't really think he would call or write but for some reason I just wonder if at all it would happen..

A couple of things happened though..

1) for those of you who read my previous post, he actually told me that he would never want to deal with me again because of reasons mentionned in my post... but a common friend of ours who lives in the same country as him called me up on christmas.. he told me they actually met and he was doing fine.

This common friend doesn't know we broke up. I share the same nationality as this common friend and I was actually introduced to him by my ex. Apparently, my ex seem not to have updated him on what had happened..

Furthermore, he introduced me online to a female cousin of his, even her she only got to know through me because I just felt.. I could not pretend especially when she would ask me how he is doing. We sti

---> if you were really upset because of someone.. wouldn't you the very least tried to inform your entourage on your new status?

2) Although my ex is not an internet fan.. for the few weeks I have spent together with him, he at the very least checks his mail at least twice a week from a internet café to chat with his relatives and friends since he is in a foreign country.

It's been nearly two months and this guy still got both our names as his "nickname".. I had done the same and I was actually expecting him to change this nickname.. but in nearly two months he still has it and I can hardly believe he hasn't checked his mail in two months or noticed he still has that nickname and forgot to remove it.. especially with someone he would never want to deal with

Over christmas, I thought at least for the occasion, out of maturity I would text or send seaons' greetings messages just to be civil.. but the word "never want to deal with you" kept on ringing in my mind and I just thought.. never means never even if he wrote it out of anger.

Can you guys please try to give me an insight into this.. I still like this person but if anything at all is to happen.. I feel I would want to be involved with someone who is not blind because of pride otherwise.. I have all the patience in the world to see what destiny has in stock for me

Thanks in advance

talaniman · Dec 27, 2006, 05:35 AM

I would chalk his action up to imaturity and not contact him at all. Why be involved with the drama? Stay on the path and don't look back.

ballybee · Dec 27, 2006, 06:07 AM

Tal,

There is much more too it.. lots of good in that person... and if there was an opportunity for him to make it right I would do it to him.but not at any cost.. and I am surely not going to do the first step this time... so don't worry I am not walking backwards.. I am walking slowly forward hoping he would catch up before I go to far...

What I was actually wondering is what is possibly going on... if one tells another person that he wouldn't deal with that person anymore... would such cues still be left obvious or its my imagination

If one breaks up with another and get upset.. what would be the normal behavior.. would one keep it under wrap? And why would he do so? Why keeping that nickname for so long?

talaniman · Dec 27, 2006, 06:29 AM

If you've ever read my posts then you know I am about healing and getting healthy enough to make reasonable decisions. That includes putting self first and doing the things that will move you forward. When you say you hope that he will catch up then you are looking back and hoping for him to change so you can get him back. This is a distraction you don't need, in my opinion. Sorry but trying to read his mind and tel you his motivations is beyond my humble self, so I cannot tell you why he is doing what he is doing. I can tell you that after a couple of months, your doubts are natural, but stay focused or the healing cannot take place. Do not get your hopes up about this person as he hasn't called or contacted you has he? When you get to the place you can be objective and deal with facts and not emotions you may get answers to your questions, but first I feel you both should be HEALTHY. Don't get caught up in the drama, and don't lose sleep wondering what he is up to.

NeedKarma · Dec 27, 2006, 06:53 AM

It appears that you are building your life around this person - that is not healthy.

ballybee · Dec 27, 2006, 06:54 AM

Tal,

I am not losing any sleep and I couldn't be any healthier than I am at the momnet... I have no urge of contacting him whatsoever... but I do at times remember the good of a person and I would be worried if I didn't because I am glad I am not overwhelmed by anger, nor neediness or anything of the sort and I reckon I have been adopting the best course of action so far... the fact remains I loved the dude.. and there is nothing I can change towhat I have felt for him.. and that is the only reason that makes me wonder at times

It is true he hasn't contacted me but the fact remains.. For that matter.. I havent' contacted him ever since.. never felt the urge of doing so except when I fet for the special occasions but even so I didn't and I am no where about to do so... However I find these observations a bit strange and I wonder why it is so..

I know I got to move forward and that is what I have been doing.. am not a disturbed a single bit but when certain facts let me wonder at times I can't help but asking myself certain questions... that is all... but I am leading a very healthy life and I am more than comfortable with my ownself

All I am asking is whether this is whether these observations mean nothing that is it...

talaniman · Dec 27, 2006, 08:14 AM

I am walking slowly forward hoping he would catch up before I go to far...

This is what caught my eye and I tried to address.

All I am asking is whether this is whether these observations mean nothing that is it...

They may mean something to him, what? I have no clue and cannot speculate. All I care about is YOU getting healthy and focusing on YOU, not what he is doing. Sorry, I know this isn't what you wanted to hear.