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Cat1864 · May 25, 2010, 08:21 AM

Klap, I just read this entire thread. Wow.

You are thinking too far ahead. Instead of thinking about days or weeks or the summer, think about today. Make it through today doing what you know you need to do to make the changes in yourself that will make you a better and stronger partner.

When you think about contacting her or find yourself repeating, 'She said she wants it to work,' (or anything else that starts your brain running around in circles) take five slow, deep breaths. Make each one last for a count of six (breath in while counting: one one thousand, two one thousand, three one thousand. Breath out while while counting four one thousand, five one thousand, and six one thousand.) Clear and calm your mind. Close your eyes if possible and if it helps.

If you aren't open to more counseling as such, how do you feel about support groups where you can talk to people who have been through what you have?

I just want to caution you that things will never be the way they were. You are both growing and changing so your relationship will too. (We don't stop changing as we go through life. Each experience affects us in some way.) Don't let it scare you into trying to hold on to the past. If/when she is ready, work together to shape the relationship to accept the changes you are both going through.

klap33 · May 25, 2010, 08:31 AM

cat thank you! I am pursuing this in a manner to fix these problems.

I hope she does come back because I do want a new start. If not and if she does end up changing her mind I will be OK.

I want it to be different because it has to be. Trust = a good healthy relationship. We used to have that then over time it was lost due to some personal issues. I have taken this as a wake up call and she has told me to pursue these changes. I want to for myself, and for us in the future...

Kitkat22 · May 25, 2010, 12:47 PM

Originally Posted by klap33

cat thank you! I am pursuing this in a manner to fix these problems.

I hope she does come back because i do want a new start. If not and if she does end up changing her mind i will be ok.

I want it to be different because it has to be. Trust = a good healthy relationship. we used to have that then over time it was lost due to some personal issues. I have taken this as a wake up call and she has told me to pursue these changes. I want to for myself, and for us in the future...

I agree that things will never be the same... To be different you have to face your problems, which you have admitted and get help. You need to post here whenever you want to. It helps to vent to people you don't know. I hope we can help you. Blessings... Kit:)

klap33 · May 25, 2010, 02:27 PM

I did not spark any conversation today. She did however...

I left her mail on her car for class nothing more thought id be nice!

She said thanks for mail I said your welcome back..

She said OK have fun with the weather!

I said OK going waterskiin!

She yelled at me to stretch jokingly I said maybe jokingly...

She said "I always know best! ttyl : )"

I said that you do, can't argue that!"

I was going to ignore her but felt that to be immature and it seemed the conversation went well. I don't want to drive myself crazy and read anything to it but if anyone does want to feel free. I just think it was being civil at this point...

Sorry thought I'd share.

Aurora_Bell · May 25, 2010, 02:30 PM

Well that sounds like it went well. Those are the things that she is trying to miss. So conversations like that will remind her why she fell in love with you in the first place.

klap33 · May 25, 2010, 02:33 PM

So when she sparks conversation I talk back? I am really trying to give her, her space. I want to as well for myself to work on this problems so this never happens again. We were a great team, and couple!

Cat1864 · May 25, 2010, 02:58 PM

It sounds like that exchange was what you both needed. You showed her that you can respect her need for space and she gave some light communication back.

Let moments like that happen naturally. In other words, because you got positive feedback today, don't rush to put tomorrow's mail on her car and expect the same response. Give her a chance to call you to ask if she has any mail, unless of course something comes that needs her immediate attention. Otherwise, just play it one day at a time.

Allow the relationship to reset itself to a comfortable place for both of you.

klap33 · May 25, 2010, 03:03 PM

I agree. I really want to respect her space. If this is what she is asking for then I have to do nothing but trust what she is saying about this working out for the best, and eventually getting back together! and give her what she is asking for~!

Kitkat22 · May 25, 2010, 03:11 PM

Originally Posted by klap33

I agree. I really want to respect her space. If this is what she is asking for then i have to do nothing but trust what she is saying about this working out for the best, and eventually getting back together!, and give her wat she is asking for~!

Good going.. klap.. keep on respecting her space. You are goinng to do fine... Hugs:)

ohsohappy · May 25, 2010, 03:54 PM

I'm glad you guys had a friendly exchange. You see? All is not lost. :)

Kitkat22 · May 25, 2010, 03:58 PM

Originally Posted by ohsohappy

i'm glad you guys had a friendly exchange. you see? all is not lost. :)

I totally agree!

klap33 · May 25, 2010, 08:19 PM

Today was a great day!.

Had a good day at work. A great attitude towards giving her space (although I still miss her a lot!)

Went skiing! and had a good dinner with a group of friends!

I really hope and still pray things work out for the best.

I want to believe they will, but the only thing I seem to have trouble doing right now is trusting all she has said about us potentially working again.

Right now I'm trying not to focus to hard on it and focus more on self improvement, and giving her, her desired, and needed space!

Kitkat22 · May 25, 2010, 08:21 PM

Originally Posted by klap33

today was a great day!...

had a good day at work. A great attitude towards giving her space (although i still miss her a lot!)

went skiing!, and had a good dinner with a group of friends!

I really hope and still pray things work out for the best.

I want to believe they will, but the only thing i seem to have trouble doing right now is trusting all she has said about us potentially working again.

right now im trying not to focus to hard on it and focus more on self improvement, and giving her, her desired, and needed space!

Good for you. Keep on keeping on! You're going to do fine.

klap33 · May 25, 2010, 08:30 PM

Thank you for your support! I love all of your advice! And am always willing to hear more! It has been a great help thus far! Thanks again.

Kitkat22 · May 25, 2010, 08:32 PM

Originally Posted by klap33

thank you for your support! i love all of your advice! and am always willing to hear more! it has been a great help thus far! thanks again.

You seem to be growing stronger and more confident... Good for you.
Have a good day tomorrow and you'll feel even better... Kit:)

Cat1864 · May 26, 2010, 05:13 AM

Keeping yourself busy is a good thing to do.

Remember that not only are you working on trusting her, but yourself, too. It can be a big confidence boost to realize you trust yourself.

Take it day by day and you'll make it. :)

klap33 · May 26, 2010, 07:57 AM

You I woke up feeling a little down today! I miss her a lot when it comes to waking up we used to always wake up with big smiles with one another...

As the day goes on ill be OK! I just really hope she meant what she said and does want this to work...

talaniman · May 26, 2010, 09:30 AM

Even if she doesn't you are totally responsible for your own life, and happiness.

Kitkat22 · May 26, 2010, 11:40 AM

I agree with Tal.

klap33 · May 26, 2010, 01:26 PM

I didn't say a word today at all..

She did see my roommate running today and she asked how I skiied and she said she missed doing that and watching me!

She then asked what my new work schedule was but it went to nothing more...

That was it... don't think anything of it or should I? This is all new.