[eberthj]

So I've been very conflicted and depressed lately over my situation. I guess it's not that difficult to explain, basically when I graduated high school my parents decided which school I was to attend afterwords. They picked the University in the same town I grew up in, I told them I didn't want to go but because my dad works there (which means I get a massive discount) and I wasn't going to be able to leave for awhile. So the first semester goes okay but then drama starts to unfold in school. I'm not going to go into details about that because it's really not that important but I started freaking out. I started getting scared because all of my friends had left, they were all loving college and loved being out on their own. I got scared because I thought that if I stayed in that little town I would never leave, like my family. I started panicking because everyone had been telling me that I would always return to that dumpy town just like everyone else. I tried making bargains with my parents saying that I'd do two years at the school of their choice if I could go to school for the last two years at the state school which is about an hour away from my parents. They wouldn't bend so I tried to bear through it but I was never happy in school, my grades were slipping I was on the brink of getting kicked out, and I felt very depressed. I would be driving around and just start crying and breaking out into hysteria. So I left, I had the worst fights I ever had with my parents. And I was so close to them, it was so hard to deal with. Even now it hurts to think about the things we said to each other, and I know I will never have the kind of relationship I had with them before I decided to leave, again. But I felt like it was my life and I should be able to do what I want to do, and that if I was ever going to be happy I had to make that happen. So I moved basically across the country, I have some family down here (which I don't see often) and I am now dating the man I hope to marry one day. I've been down here for about a year and a half. I feel happy in the way that I didn't up there, but I feel like I messed up my life somehow. Like leaving school is going to destroy me, I haven't been back to school since but I do want to go back. I'm not in the same financial situation as previous either. I had it made up there, but I left and I threw that away. Don't get me wrong I'm not living on the streets or anything it's just tight. Did I throw my life away by leaving school and my financial ease? I feel like I truly discovered myself here, but I just don't want to look back and think it was the biggest mistake I ever made. I don't know if it's just financial stress, or the ridicule by my family for leaving college, or whether it's because I'm not doing something besides working... I feel hurt and stressed and just hope that I didn't destroy myself in the search for myself. Did I screw up?

[Fr_Chuck]

I will assume you are just above college age, so no your life is not ruined, you can decide what to do in life at 22 or 29 or 40 or 50 and change your life.

Also you may find that moving back to your little stupid town will be something you wish you could do in 20 years when you can not any more.

You felt for some reason that you had to do it NOW, and that a few years made a real difference, And I will be frank in 30 years a couple of years here or there will not even be remimbered

[Wondergirl]

Did I screw up?

No. I think you did exactly what kids your age do -- broke away from your parents in an effort to grow up. The first time we do it is when we are around two years old. The next time is when we are approaching our teens. In psychology it's called separation and individuation.

You can always go back to college. Nowadays, there is distance learning and online courses which were unheard of when I was your age. You'll do better in college when you are comfortable and happy with yourself. For instance, I almost flunked out of college in my late teens, but loved grad school and made nearly all As when I was in my early 40s.

Get yourself together and figure out how to be happy inside your own skin. Then you'll be able to enjoy life and help the rest of us who are struggling. Never regret the path you took.

Occasionally read this poem by Robert Frost --

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no feet had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference.

[Jake2008]

Wondergirl, that was absolutely brilliant and I'm out of greenies for you at the moment.

I have decided that I want you to come and be my neighbour.

To eberthj, you have strength, and independence, and have found happiness in your decision to move. That for you, at this time in your life, were the most important things to develop, and you have done that, and graduated into a resourceful, strong young woman. I give you an A++

There is no rule book to say that your education has to happen in a certain place at a certain time. It may be the desire of your parents, but, when it isn't going to work, it simply isn't going to work out. While you regret the arguments with them, and that they were likely hurt over your decision, this is your life after all. They only want the best for you I'm sure, but you must carve your own path.

I hope that you fully enjoy your freedom, I really do. Before you know it, you will marry, have children, and once again, your path in life will change. I hope you finish your education somewhere between a new husband, and kids. (just from experience I say that).

Try to keep in touch with your parents. Even a weekly email to say what you have been up to, and what you've done. Interesting people you've met, something new you've tried, the weather- anything to let them know that you are keeping that door open for them to communicate back.

It is a difficult place for a parent to be in when they realize that their child is capable of calling their own shots. At the moment, my 'little guy' is teaching in South Korea. I encouraged him to go, but silently, I miss him more than you can imagine. But, he needs to follow his dreams, and that is how he was raised. I'm sure your parents expected the same for you, just perhaps not so soon. They need time to adjust to this too.

Best of luck to you.