[j1108]

My boyfriend and I don't have sex as much as we used to. But when we are both in the mood and we do have sex after he cums then things are done even if I'm still horny. I never finish unless I'm lucky. I have told him probably every time after that I'm still horny and all he says is then I should go masturbate. Its annoying and I just want him to keep going until I'm done (not sex but like fingering me or something!) and when you tell him about it later on he gets upset and I don't want to cut him off until he promises to keep going until I because its rare when he actually wants to have sex. What should I do?

I'm not ugly to me and I'm not fat (im 5'5 and weigh 126). I'm 22 years old and my boyfriend is 30. We have been dating for a year and a half and are leaving together. When we first started having sex we used to do it all the time like almost everyday and now we do it like 2 times a month. And every time I leave home even for an hour he gets on the computer and looks at porn. He masturbates more then we have sex. I have tried fixing the problem because he always would say its because he doesn't have any new nude pics of me and I would take pictures for him of me like almost every week like different one so they didn't all look the same. Like some in the shower some in the bath some on my bed... so on. But even with those on the computer he still rather look at pics of other naked girls and it makes me feel ugly. Why does he like porn more?

[tickle]

Your fella doesn't care enough to help you finish, if he did, he would certainly make an effort to satisfy you anyway he can. There is something wrong with the relationship if this is the case. Could be it's the same old, same old for him and you both need something new and exciting.

Tick

[talaniman]

Because he is a guy, and he may be a bit carried away with it, to be honest. His excuse sounds lame to me.

Its not the porn so much as it is what he does with it. He has an issue with too much self gratification, and should slow down.

This is his issue, nothing to do with you so instead of taking it personally, let him know he should be sharing his sex with you a lot more, not his computer.

[smoothy]

How old are each of you?

[j1108]

I'm 22 and he is 30

[smoothy]

At 30 he's old enough to know better... even IF he hasn't learned control... or to get you going quicker... there are other ways to get you to shangrila. And an experienced man who cares would do it. And no... he won't be able to just "Keep going" for very long. #1 it gets really uncomfortible... and #2 most guys will lose their erection at some point.

[talaniman]

Your boyfriend is a very selfish lover.

[Cat1864]

I think you have larger problems than just him being inconsiderate in bed.

He is using you as a sex toy and you are letting him.

When not in bed or undressed, sit down and have a discussion with him about your wants and needs that are not getting filled. Be honest.

If you can't talk to him about the relationship and sex then maybe you need to rethink being in a relationship with him. If you can't work together to make the relationship better, then you need to get out and find yourself again.

Either way, you need to work on rebuilding your own self-esteem and stop allowing his problems to make you feel bad about yourself.

Edit to remove un-needed link.

[Synnen]

I would like to point out, before the OP responds, that chat speak is not tolerated on the Adult Sexuality boards. Further chat speak will be deleted.

If you are an adult, then you can type correctly, as an adult would.

[ZoeMarie]

In addition to what others have said, it's possible that he could help you finish first and then have sex. That is... if he wasn't so selfish.

[CravenMorhead]

First off. Don't give him any nudes. The digital world never forgets anything digital. If you break up, then there is no telling what could happen to them. They could end up posted on the internet, or worse.

Second, you're leaving together? Where? I am nit-picking, I know.

Questions:
1). When did the sex start to get infrequent, and why did it become so? Was there a string of 'Not tonight, I have a headache' or what not?
2). What is your stress level like? What about his? Is he tired? Are you?
3). Are you initiating? Is he?
4). There is no number four.
5). What type of BC are you using?
6). Have you sat down and asked him about this? In a loving and non-confrontational and non-accusative setting?

Simple suggestions:
1). Try to initiate the sex.
2). Me First. Make sure you get off first and then let him finish.
3). Talk to him, as him if there is a reason that he isn't giving you the lovin' you want.

Last question: If yours and his libido are so mismatched, is this a situation that you're willing live with?

Last Statement: Men masturbate to Porn. Most men at least. It is one of those little truths in life that no one tells you in school. It doesn't mean that he's not into you, but there might be a reason, and that brings me back to question #6.

Let us know.

[j1108]

Thanks everyone who ansered this.. it really helped. I am going to try to make sure I get off before let him and see how that works :) I don't know why I never tried that (maybe because he hates fooling around lol) and our sex lives died down about 8 months ago. And I'm not sure why it just kept getting slower and slower from every day to like twice a week then to every week then now twice a month. Most of the time I'm the one who initiates it like 70% of the time. Andi have sat down with him and try to talk about it but when I tell him he just says OK and blows it off. And I don't think he is using me for sex because he does a lot of nice stuff to show me he cares... without having sex or anything sexual. And I know sex isn't everything but I enjoy it and wish I could enjoy it to the fullest and not get all sexualy worked up so we can stop because he is done. And his excuses are for not wanting to do it is that he is tired most of the time or says why do we always have to do it when you want to why can't we wait until I want to. It might be stress from his job but I don't really think that is it. Because he seems to enjoy his job for the most part. But thank you everyone :) I hope we can work it out because I love him and he is my best friend :D (even though his labido towards me had dropped) I just wish he would tell me why he is like this

[tickle]

im 22 and he is 30

That age gap has nothing to do with your problem. That is a good spread in ages; if he can't decide to satisfy after his needs are filled, then something really radical has to be done on your side. Ultimatums won't work, it has to be, kick him to the curb and make him realize he isn't the only option. Its your call, and you have to have the guts to do it, girl.

Tick

[talaniman]

Maybe he doesn't know any better, but I think you taking charge of your own pleasure will help YOU.

[simoneaugie]

I used to be married to a guy like that. Only he made me stay in bed with him and not masturbate... We're divorced.

[LJDK]

You know you two have to openly talk about this.
He might even feel like a failure for not being able to make you reach orgasm and then he retreats into his shell.

Do you rub your while having sex? Have you two tried timing your orgasms to climax together? You know, stop pause go etc?

[Catsmine]

Let me start by quoting about a third of the advice on this forum: If you can't talk about it you shouldn't be doing it.

That said, let's look at some specifics:

his excuses are for not wanting to do it is that he is tired most of the time or says why do we always have to do it when you want to why can't we wait until I want to.

his excuses... wait until i want to

even with those on the computer he still rather look at pics of other naked girls

He is having his cake and (not) eating it too.

Your perception of this man seems to be he is the most selfish human in existence. At least what you've given us makes him sound that way. I do hope there's lots more to him than this.

Does he know he appears that way? If only sometimes?

[jcf001red]

He has a pornography addiction.

[Catsmine]

He has a pornography addiction.

Snap judgement, quick label, now he can be dismissed. You may be right but my question remains, what good qualities does he have that she got into bed with him in the first place.

[smoothy]

I'll agree about the nudes... don't do it for anyone but a married spouse. You don't know where they might end up if you stop dating. And it does seem like this is on its way to happening.

I really, really hate when people automatically jump to cry porn addiction anytime a guy looks at a naked woman. News flash... guys do and ALWAYS have enjoyed looking at naked women, I'm willing to claim that if it was possible to prove... NEANDERTHAL men liked seeing naked women.

Does anyone that have sex have a sex addiction? No then why does any guy that looks at porn have a porn addiction... Unless the guys free time revolves around porn... there is no addiction.

By some peoples standards (and I am singling out no specific person)


I am addicted to TV because I like to watch it every day when I get a chance...

I am addicted to food because like I like to eat three times a day... sometimes more...

I am addicted to women because I like women...

I am addicted to porn because I like to see the naked female body...

I am addicted to sex because I like having sex for reasons other than procreation...


Maybe because I am a real man, and I'm addicted to life, and the good things it has to offer.