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EmoPrincess · May 14, 2010, 06:34 AM

Lately, my friend has been being very judgmental of me and particularly my relationships. She makes comments about how after my ex-fiance, I seem to have no self respect. Also, she keeps saying that my current relationship is moving too quickly. Because we hang out everyday at my house and he buys me jewelry.

I understand that my relationship is not her style of relationship. I understand that everyone has opinions and the right to share those opinions, but the constant disapproval of my best friend, especially against my relationship, is becoming too much.

How do I get her to stop being so judgmental about this.

She also has been accusing me of secretly dating people and having sex with them. I can't take the false accusations anymore and her judgment.

She has gone as far as to try to control who I talk to. Especially when it comes to males. She is interrogating two friends of mine for details on our alleged relationship.

The Dark09 · May 14, 2010, 12:13 PM

How old are you?

88sunflower · May 14, 2010, 12:23 PM

Emop I don't think your relationships are anyone's business but your own. If your happy and he/she is happy then so be it. Carry on.

If your relationships were abusive in ways that causes your friend alarm then I can understand where she is coming from. Are there reasons for her to be concerned? Maybe being in this new relationship your neglecting what you had in that friendship and now she is acting out. Maybe she misses you or is jealous. Do you think this could be the case?

Wondergirl · May 14, 2010, 12:31 PM

Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx

How do I get her to stop being so judgmental about this.

You can't. The only thing you can control is you. Stop telling her all the details of your life and your relationships. Reduce the number of times you and your "best friend" see each other and talk on the phone. I put "best friend" in quotes because, is she really one any longer?

88sunflower · May 14, 2010, 12:36 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

You can't. The only thing you can control is you. Stop telling her all the details of your life and your relationships. Reduce the number of times you and your "best friend" see each other and talk on the phone. I put "best friend" in quotes because, is she really one any longer?

So true.
Emop you can take control of this by sharing less information with her. Wondergirl is right. Some things in relationships should stay between those two people.

Have you by chance talked with her and told her how your feeling?

Wondergirl · May 14, 2010, 12:50 PM

Originally Posted by 88sunflower

Have you by chance talked with her and told her how you're feeling?

If you do, please remember to use "I" statements. If you say "You this" and You that," she'll get nasty and defensive. Instead say something like, "I feel like you don't think I have a brain in my head when it comes to men" or "I'm worried that you and I are sliding away from each other as friends."

YET, you did say "she also has been accusing me of secretly dating people and having sex with them" and "she has gone as far as to try to control who I talk to" and "she is interrogating two friends... for details." Best friends do not falsely accuse, judge, and control each other or interrogate mutual friends to discover dirt. Again I wonder, how much of a best friend is she really?

88sunflower · May 14, 2010, 12:53 PM

She can only control you if you allow it.

EarlyCupid12 · May 14, 2010, 06:42 PM

Do you understand why she feels this way? Because you seem like a very understanding person, if you see why she feels like you're moving too fast or whatever tell her that and tell her you feel as if she's being way too judgmental, and that its your relationship. IF she doesn't understand all of that the she needs to lose the title of being a best friend.

EmoPrincess · May 14, 2010, 07:14 PM

I don't give her details, she has no business knowing them. Which is one reason why she gets so upset. She claims that I've hidden so much from her, by not giving her all the details, that she has to do this to find out about me.

I think she is jealous. And worried for me. I was in a not-so-healthy relationship before and she may be afraid of this one not being so good either. Though, there are no causes for concern.

I spend the same amount of time with her that I did before, I talk to her the same amount, and about the same things.

She has had one relationship, with a boy she met online, then five years later arranged, with her own and his parents, a meeting face to face with him. She thinks every relationship should be like hers, limited affection, extremely slow paced, for example- affectionate speaking not for at least a year or so.

I am 17, 18 in August to whoever asked.

I agree that her behavior lately is not very friend-like. I tried to talk to her about it and all she said was friends don't keep secrets, in reference to a huge mistake I made, then came to her in confidence about. I got involved with an insane guy friend and ended up having sex with him. Which I regret and recognize was wrong.

This girl has been there for me for the past 13 years, but she is trying to take control. After my ex-fiance, I realized, I can not let ANYONE (other than parents within reason of course) control my life.

Should I tell her flat out, "hey, you aren't being a very good friend" or what? I'm not too good at this.