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Homegirl 50 · May 9, 2010, 07:54 AM

I'm glad you made this move and I hope you stick to it.
You will hurt for a time but I think you will heal quicker than you realised you could. You will be a happier person without that baggage.

jmjoseph · May 9, 2010, 11:14 AM

I'm not one to use the "ball and chain" analogy often. BUT, this relationship has held you down for too long.

Go enjoy your twenties. I know I sure did.

Good luck to the both of you.

Larken85 · May 10, 2010, 10:45 PM

Thanks everyone. Finally free and it feels much better than I thought it would. I can do what I want when I want, how nice it is.

I am not living there, the kids don't see me, and my money is my money. Except for the fact that I stayed on her phone plan because I don't want to stick her with a $360 early cancelation fee. Even though it would be cheaper to pay it off myself...

She called me today and decided to begin verbally assulting me so I just hung up on her and told her not to call me unless she could respect me more. Every time she gets close to sounding like she may be thinking about fixing it I just make the conversation turn the opposite direction. If she does ever ask if we can get back together, I'm simply going to say no. There is no point in being with her, I was miserable comparatively speaking.

friend4u178 · May 10, 2010, 11:02 PM

LOL... your starting to sound like us from your first thread Larken ;)

Good for you Buddy , it's for the best .

Larken85 · May 10, 2010, 11:27 PM

I really should have listened to you all much sooner. Guess I will trust in the mob a little more huh? Anyway, there it is, a thread with a happy ending lol. I can't wait for my first check that is ALL MINE! :) :D

Showme_urmove · May 10, 2010, 11:56 PM

Good for you man, your story was like the perfect storm but you finally got out and now your in the sun good job and stick to what your doing.

amicon · May 11, 2010, 02:05 AM

Hey Joe,go enjoy your life!

Being single and in your midtwenties-great!

Take no insults from the ex-I would NC her.

Larken85 · May 11, 2010, 02:29 AM

I should NC her, and I will if she doesn't level out like real soon. I know she has to vent her sadness some how and I accept that she is ticked off at me. But like I said, she had better find a better path to vent on or I will NC her and you better believe that I am not doing another single thing for her.

What makes her the most mad (and me the most happy) is that I don't bow down to her anymore. She tried to tell me that I would be responsible for the cell phone bill if I didn't pay her (I said "um, no, I am on no contract by name and you are the person that has the name on the bill. That would be all you so I am doing you a favor so you better start being a little nicer to me.")

She tried to tell me that I couldn't hold her storage unit for randsome and of course I can't but I told her that if she does not give me my kayak before I go down to get my stuff I am going to leave her stuff down there (in kentucky) and shift the bill over to her name (as we are both on the bill on that one :D) because I will not pay for storage that I have nothing in. So "You can be appreciative of the fact that I am willing to go down and get your stuff for you and unload it into your storage unit for you and just give me my freakin kayak." she got all angry with me and said "Fine, I don't want the stupid thing anyways, I have no use for it." I replied, "alright, but remember I said before I go, and thats a few weeks away." She was still kind of fussing a bit and I said, "T. Stop it, you need to realize that I am just trying to be nice and the cost of that Kayak is about 1/3 of the cost this trip is going to cost me if i bring your stuff back for you. So it isn't too much to ask in my opinion and I have to ask for it before I go because otherwise I have no guarentee that you will actually ever give it to me and then I just did all that work for nothing, like usual." She got really angry there and tried telling me I was this and that but ultimately (seeing that I wasn't giving in to her) she agreed to my terms.

I will go through with it too, I am going to get my stuff but it I do not have my kayak before I go I will not bring her crap back with me. It will save me a lot of money not to get her crap too, but like I said, I am nice. I don't think its too much to ask for a little payment though. I know I should go NC, and I pretty much have, but she still calls me and I am not rude enough to just not answer. I have no issue hanging up on her butt though.

It would be an odd twist of fate but maybe, just maybe we weren't held together by love at all, but by a strong feeling of obligation. Because I am finding it hard to feel anything good towards her now that I am not with her. I just don't care for her company at all you know. And when she calls I sigh and roll my eyes because I just don't want to talk to her. I don't know, but I think I am just so totally relieved because I was serving her for so long that it was killing me.

OMG and she said "I got a new job..." bla bla bla "Well someone has to pay the bills!" totally serious sounding. I replied, "I know I was just a paycheck to you!" She shut up after that.

Lucky098 · May 11, 2010, 08:27 AM

Please don't make the mistake and turn her into your enemy.

I know its self rewarding to finally throw a few punches, but two wrongs don't make a right.

Say your peace, then leave. Don't ever talk to her again. Once you two have separated the phone bill and the storage unit, you have no REASON to ever answer her calls again.

I know you want to be nice.. I know you want to stand up for yourself after however long your supression was... but don't make her your enemy. It feels good now, but later you'll regret being so mean to her, even though she is kind of mean to you. I believe its not in your nature. Going against your nature never pans out good.

But congrats on finally leaving her. You made a smart move. I'd buy you a beer if I could! :) :)

Homegirl 50 · May 11, 2010, 08:28 AM

There is no reason for you to be talking to her at all.
Are you holding out on this Kayak thing and talking to her in hopes she will say what you want her to say?
Why can you not just do what you have to do with the storage without the back and forth with her? Holding her things hostage is rather childish.
I'm thinking you have not let go yet.

talaniman · May 11, 2010, 01:25 PM

Now that you have made up your mind, and done what you had to for yourself, handle the rest of your business and make this a clean break by disappearing from her life, and being unavailable for any more haggling.

The END is THE END!!

Homegirl 50 · May 11, 2010, 02:13 PM

Yep, stop the bickering with her over "stuff" You are out, now stop going back and forth with her.
She is going to end up sucking you back in.

Jake2008 · May 11, 2010, 03:01 PM

Let the kayac go. It is a small price to pay.

Get only your own stuff out of storage, and let her worry about her stuff.

Stop negotiating with her. It seems that you have the hammer now, and you are enjoying using it.

You owe her nothing, she owes you nothing.

Stuff is stuff, one lousy kayac is an excuse to keep mixing it up with her.

Let her cry on somebody else's shoulder, she's a grown women with kids. She does not need you anymore, and more importantly, you do not need her.

You're either serious or you aren't. When you change the storage unit over to her name, send her a registered letter giving her the information. Stick to the facts.

Then, go out and buy yourself a nice new kayac.

JudyKayTee · May 11, 2010, 03:05 PM

The kayak is also mentioned in another thread. Enough with the kayac, already.

#313 - is there still a second thread about the break up? If so, should they be combined?

J_9 · May 11, 2010, 03:33 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

The kayak is also mentioned in another thread. Enough with the kayac, already.

#313 - is there still a second thread about the break up? If so, should they be combined?

I believe they have been combined

JudyKayTee · May 11, 2010, 03:42 PM

I hoped so! Thanks. (I didn't want to read through - again.)

Larken85 · May 14, 2010, 04:40 AM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

There is no reason for you to be talking to her at all.
Are you holding out on this Kayak thing and talking to her in hopes she will say what you want her to say?
Why can you not just do what you have to do with the storage without the back and forth with her? Holding her things hostage is rather childish.
I'm thinking you have not let go yet.

No no, its not childish. Why would I bring her her stuff? The storage unit is in both of our names and it's a 10 hour trip when not towing anything. I don't want to get her stuff for her and with the money Id save I could buy myself a new kayak. However, I have a kayak that I can get for free so why not make that deal?

I am so not holding on to her, I will never go back to her. I don't think there is any reason we cannot be civil to one another though, espeically since we are still connected by a phone bill and storage unit. I do not want to pay the early termination fee, its too expensive and the storage unit is something I am soul paying for. By the way I have less than 2% of the stuff in the storage unit that is actually mine. This is why I want to get my crap out of there and kill off the storage unit bill. She has an almost empty unit up here that all of the stuff will fit in so it might as well get up here. So to do that for her and make it cheaper on her, I will accept the Kayak as payment. If she does not pay me, I will not do it. That's all there is to it.

I do not want to make her my enemy, She is a good person overall. So we are trying to be civil. Whenever relationship talk comes up I shut her out and tell her to leave it alone. There is no point in talking about it any more, we both have had our closure.

OK OK, I guess I will give up on the kayak and just drop her... how annoying... I don't want to do that but I know that you guys are right... if nothing else this thread has certainly shown that much. I will listen to you, I will go totally NC with her... I don't want to be sucked back in and I am not going to get that way. Darn it, oh well, its just a kayak after all

talaniman · May 14, 2010, 05:05 AM

If you are serious about this being over, handle your business so there can be a real No Contact. That makes all shared material things done away with in an acceptable manor, so the break can be clean, if not civil.

She can pay for her storage and phone for that matter, and you can get your own kayak, someday on your own.

These are but small details in a much bigger picture. For now its time to mourn, heal, and accept, so you move beyond this chapter in your life.

Larken85 · May 14, 2010, 05:12 AM

All right Tal, I get it. I will do what you suggest. Since you are all the voices of experience talking, I wll listen and do what you say. I'm sure it will be for the best, as usual.

hungtoronto · May 14, 2010, 05:25 AM

If you have to pay and go no contact do it. Consider it as a one time cost. Look how much money you will be saving, you won't be giving her money for rent anymore or potentially paying her alimony and child support. I think you got a great deal now. So pay and get out and reap the reward.