[red22]

I am in a same sex relationship, my girlfriend and I have been together for seven years, for the last couple o years we have been having sex only once a month. It really bothers me. My patner doesn't worry about it as she never feels like it.
We have spoken about it and at one point a year ago she even went to the doctors for some test, but they were all fine. She has also seen a person at the hospital who didn't help at all. She just seems to have no sex drive. I always instigate sex she never does. Its horrible always getting knocked back. I love or relationship its perfect apart from this. What am I going to do?

[Cat1864]

How old are both of you? Does she have any stresses in her life that might lower libido? Does she take any medications or have any seemingly non-sex related health issues?

When you initiate sex, does she get fully involved or does she seem to be going through the motions?

[artlady]

Not everyone has the same libido and your sex drive is prone to fluctuations over the years as female hormones are often in a state of flux.
Highs and lows are not uncommon.

The bottom line is that there is no one size fits all level of desire.

Some people are ever ready and some people need a little extra coaxing.

I would explain your feelings of rejection and have an open honest discussion about it.

Keeping the sex hot in a long term relationship takes some doing,maybe you just need to spice things up with fantasy or role playing.Videos,change of scenery,there are numerous ways to charge things up.

Maybe a revisit to the doctor is called for as there are any number of medical conditions that affect sex drive.

What is a turn off is being pressured to have sex and so I would try to solve the problem by not being accusatory but simply looking at all the facts and finding a compromise that works for both of you.

If the rest of the relationship is perfect than you should have little difficulty communicating about this.

[red22]

I am 26 and she is 25, we have talked about a million times and she has no idea why she never feels like it. A lot of the time when I try to get intemet she pushes me away. She never wants I during the day at all and only time it is ever possible is when we go to bed, and most the time she says she is to tired. I don't even bother trying if its passed 10pm!! She is not interested in dressing up. I have bought toys in the passed and she doesn't like them.
I have asked her what she would like me to do and she doesn't know. She really isn't bothered. I don't think she would care if we never did it again. The only time she wants sex is when she is drunk!that's not every time and half the time she horney when we are out and then when we get home she is to tired! Yes she does work hard and it used to be that we only had sex when she had the next day off but even that doesn't happen any more. I have asked her to go back to the doctors but she never does it!! When we talk about it she's like yeah ill go and see someone but then she never does. Well she did once!

[red22]

When we do have sex its just normal and I do most of the work!

[mudweiser]

How is your relationship--- other than the sex part?

Is it a healthy relationship? Is there anything going on besides the lack of sex? You say it's perfect-- but well no relationship is.

I ask only because what happens outside the bedroom really effects [affects?] what goes on in the bedroom. It doesn't even have to be a problem with the both of you, it could be that she gained weight and is uncomfortable with her body... there could be a number of reasons.

[smoothy]

When we do have sex its just normal and i do most of the work!

Trust me... I've dated a couple women who honestly thought the extent of their obligation in bed was to lay flat on theirt back, spread their legs... and do an impressive impersonation of a medical cadaver. I didn't date them very long.