[younglove2327]

What should ii do if my mother does not accept my sexual orientation?
My mom and me had an excellent but in the middle of my sophomore ii began to talk to some girl on the softball team. We bcame good friends but as tiime passes we began to notice a change.. we didn't only liike each other as friends but were in love. Uhm ii had decided not to say anything and wait for graduation year. But some how my mom found out. She did the beswt she could do to separate me from her. First she put a restraing order against her. And her parents against me.so we went to court and the judge took it off both of us. Then we kept tallking and I don't know how she found out we were, its like if she were spying on me.! Finally what she did is moved me schools which suxs. Sometimes ii wiish ii could tell her. But she says that its not normal... she says she's going to telll my father. Am scared because my father can react scary he can hurt her or even me. My broher tells me that if anyting happens to my mom that its my fault.. I don't know what to doo but ilove her and ii know she loves me ! To..

[I wish]

You can't force your mom to feel as certain way. You got to respect your mom's feelings, just as she needs to respect yours.

You can always help her ease her into the idea, but if she's not fine with it now, you can't expect her to wake up the next morning and have a change of heart.

It takes time and patience.

Unfortunately your mom is taking drastic measures and it requires some action on your part.

I suggest that you sit her down and explain to her:

1) You are aware of her objections and you are not going to force her to change her opinion.

2) But at the same time, you are who you are and she shouldn't force you to change.

3) Both of you need to come to the understanding that you shouldn't force each other to go against your nature. You BOTH have to learn to respect each other.

Again, it's going to have to take a lot of time and patience. If you can do that, then you're giong to be growing up in a hurry. Be as mature as you can about this.

How old are you?

[younglove2327]

You can't force your mom to feel as certain way. You gotta respect your mom's feelings, just as she needs to respect yours.

You can always help her ease her into the idea, but if she's not fine with it now, you can't expect her to wake up the next morning and have a change of heart.

It takes time and patience.

Unfortunately your mom is taking drastic measures and it requires some action on your part.

I suggest that you sit her down and explain to her:

1) You are aware of her objections and you are not going to force her to change her opinion.

2) But at the same time, you are who you are and she shouldn't force you to change.

3) Both of you need to come to the understanding that you shouldn't force each other to go against your nature. You BOTH have to learn to respect each other.

Again, it's going to have to take a lot of time and patience. If you can do that, then you're giong to be growing up in a hurry. Be as mature as you can about this.

How old are you?

I just think she will never learn how to understand she just will never accept who I am and I just turned 17 I ve had this problem since I turned 16.

[Agonized]

You just need some time, to explain to her. You are who you are, and you can't change how you feel.. It might have scared your mom, but she will understand once you tell her and explain things. I don't think that she can't understand, I think she doesn't want to. But this is reality and things like this happen everyday.. she has to accept you for who you are. So try talking to her, don't force her or get mad.. you both need to understand each other.. and try asking her what's bothering her so much?

[Jake2008]

I am really, really sorry you are going through this, and your mother has taken such drastic steps to stop you from seeing this girl. I guess she doesn't realize that there will likely be other girls, and what will she do then.

It is sad the way she has reacted to you, and now you fear the wrath of your father as well when he finds out. Not to mention your brother will hold you responsible for all of the trouble.

You cannot help who you are. Your sexual orientation is as natural to you as a heterosexual relationship is to others. Love does not discriminate in who loves you, and who you love.

If you are certain you are gay there are some things you can do to transition your family to this change. There are gay support groups and counsellors, and many, many others who have been in the position you are now. Please seek help to gain the confidence you need to handle this family situation; it won't be easy, but, you can be well informed.

You may want to think about enlisting the help of a trusted aunt or uncle to help foster conversation and communication.

Do some research online as well, and consider checking out what resources are available to parents of gay teens- and there are many.

I don't know what else you can do, and I truly hope that you find your way through all of this negativity, judgment and anger from your family, and eventually, acceptance will happen.

All the best of luck to you.

[hheath541]

I can easily imagine how hard this must be on you. Unfortunately, there's not a lot you can do until you're 18. Right now, talking to her and gently explaining things is the most important thing. Trying to force the issue or bringing it up all the time will only be seen as confrontational.

With the possibility of your father becoming violent, you'll need to tread lightly until you can move out. It's going to be hard, and feel like forever.

Find a support group. Make understanding and accepting friends. Join your school's gay/straight alliance, if they have one. If there's a lgbt center in your area, see what groups they have for teens, and maybe even volunteer there. Just find people you can talk to who will understand what you're going through. It'll make things a LOT easier.

If you're planning on going to college, look for one that's gay-friendly. Ask about their policies on discrimination and bullying because of sexual orientation. Ask other students if there's a gay/straight alliance and find out what life is like on campus for the lgbt students.

Here's a web site that has an email community where you can talk to other teens who are going through some of the same things. They won't judge you. It's just a safe place to talk to people around the same age as you who are living their lives, all over the world, as members of the lgbt community.

Youth Guardian Services

[Fr_Chuck]

First please understand that many people will not accept this type of life style and you can not force them to accept it.

I am surprised that they actually lifted the order in court, since you are a minor and can not go to court without an attorney to represent you.

Also of course at 16 and 17 emotions can be a funny thing, so you may also decide latter you were confused of these feelings.
Only time will tell on that.

But you as you become an adult will have to make hard choices that everyone will not agree with

[dontknownuthin]

She may come around but probably not fast enough to resolve this on your timeline. It might take her a really long time. Give her that time and don't force this question of your sexuality to be forefront in your relationship with your mom. Keep a low profile with this girl - see her at school and leave it at that - if your parents and her parents don't want you together, you have to honor that as a minor.

You are nearly an adult. My recommendation is that you do everything in your power to get yourself into college, and go away for college, ideally to a school in a city. I recommend this because it can provide you more means for exploring who you are, and if you find you are gay, there will be more support available for you in a more urban area.

Most high school romances don't last, so I'd let this one go - this girl will be blamed for ruining your life, and you for ruining hers by your respective families and probably your families will never accept the relationship. It will be less shocking for the next person you meet and so on.

I don't personally think that being gay is wrong. I do think though that from my experience with many friends over the years who have been gay, most knew very early in life that they were gay. It seems like this totally blindsighted you, and for that reason I would suggest you consider whether it was just a really intense friendship. Relationships can be very confusing, and even a same-sex friendship can be kind of intoxicating to a teenager - the emotional fulfillment can be kind of overwhelming when you find a friend at your age who truly gets who you are. If one of those people (like your friend, for example) is more confident of their sexuality, it's easy to follow that person's lead.

So in addition to giving your mom time, give yourself some time, too. If you are afraid of how your Dad will react, I suggest you make a deal with your mom - you want her to calm down and give you time to process your feelings. You will take that time, away from this girl, to process your feelings. And as you are close to being an adult, if you determine as an adult to pursue relationships with women, it is your place and only your place to come out to your father, in your way and on your time.

It is not always a good idea to come out to some people - if it puts you in danger and nothing good will come of it, it can be better to wait until you are totally independent of them - as in, not a minor, not living off them and so on.

Take care!

[slapshot_oi]

As soon as you graduate high school and turn 18 move out and don't look back. If they don't accept you, don't accept them. Just 'cause someone doesn't like your choices doesn't mean you have to tolerate it.

Will Smith once said, "parents jus' don't undastand".