[Chris0107]

It is 6 in the morning and I woke up and cannot sleep, so I came here to share my story and maybe get feedback. I am a mess. Ash has impressed me and I hope I hear back from him as well. Forgive me, I am a little hung over.

We dated about a year, but only became serious about the last 6 months. He basically lived with me, had a key etc. We had problems and typical fighting. Every time he always seemed eager to work through it and always wanted to stay with me. Well, this time no. Wednesday of last week I was being stupid and needy, and complained that I didn't get enough affection. Blew it all out of proportion. Told him not to come over Thurs(the next night) cause I wanted to be alone. Thursday evening I got home from work and most of his stuff was gone. I immediately called him and asked why. He said he it was me that told him not to come, and he didn't know when he was coming back so he took a lot if his things. Then he said we should take a break for a few days until Monday(that just passed), and that maybe I need time away from him to realize he isn't so bad. I agreed to this even though I knew it would be hard for me.
The next night (Fri) I did well, I didn't contact him all day or evening, until I made the mistake of going on his Facebook (Its private but can still see his main pic) and it was a picture of him and a girl. I of course flipped out and called around midnight asking him is this picture about and told him to get the rest of his etc. He acted like I was crazy and said he would be glad to, and that he doesn't even know that girl and he liked the picture. Then said I am drama and he can't deal with it anymore. After we calmed down and talked on the phone for about an hour we went back to our original plan and agreed to wait until Monday before talking again and we would figure it out. He said we still needed a few days, and I said OK please don't come get your stuff until we decide what were going to do and talk, he said OK.

Now, fast forward. Gave him the time, didn't contact him all weekend. Monday finally comes, I am so excited and eager to talk to him. Been waiting all weekend. Text him in the afternoon, asking him to meet at my house and we can get a drink. No response. Text again a little later. No response. Call when I get off work. Nothing. Get home from work. Guess what, all his stuff is gone, Everything. Key on counter with a note saying "Here is your key back, Sorry it ended like this. I think you're a great person and I'll miss you, but I don't think we should get back together. Let me know if I forgot anything" Just like that. Done. He was gone. I tried calling A MILLION times after getting that note. Yes, I was in shock and hurt. He ignored all my calls. I begged him in a message to at least talk to me once. That he owed me at least a chance for us to talk as promised. I said everything I could and nothing, no response. I finally gave up and told him I would stop bothering him and that he broke my heart for ending it without even talking to me. Never heard a thing.

Then Tuesday comes(yesterday) I didn't contact him at all, was hoping to hear from him and thought maybe he just needed Monday to think. But no, never heard from him. I made the mistake of going out drinking last night and my dumb called him drunk sounding pathetic and asking for a ride and said if you give 2 s about me you will call, of course this was on his voice mail. Nothing, no response. Now I feel extra ty cause now he doesn't even care about my well being either and for all he knows I could have drove home drunk and crashed.
Now here I am wed morning. Lost, confused, hurt, angry, depressed. I understand the whole no contact thing. But my problem is, I never got to talk to him that one time I needed. I never got to get anything off my chest. I have absolutely no closure. I don't understand how after spending the night every night for several months, you can just vanish on someone and refuse to talk to them. It is not like I cheated or did something terrible to him. I never got to have my break up talk. I never got to talk to him like we planned and say any of my feelings. I feel so bottled up and he refuses to speak about anything with me. How can I move on when I feel like there is so much unfinished business? All I asked for was one conversation, and he won't do it. It's very bizarre.

Please help me to understand why someone would do this? Do you think he really just never wants to talk to me again?
Why would a breaker cut all contact, without even a single word or conversation? How could you do that do someone?
Do you think this sounds like someone who would contact me again?
And, how can I get through this when I feel like I never got my chance to talk to him about anything, he just disappeared? This is so hard.

I have so many memories of us in this house. Now out of the blue, my bed is empty and I sit here alone every night without any closure. It hurts so bad. One minute someone is with you every night, and then they are just gone without explanation. All I do is think of him.

If you made it this long, thanks for reading. Any help is appreciated.

[AmericanGirl01]

I really feel your pain, I'm sorry you're going through this. I can understand that you want closure, who wouldn't? But the reality is, you don't always get closure.

Every relationship is a learning experience. You said you blew things of proportion and got needy and he said he can't handle your drama anymore. These are things you need to work on.

It's quite possible that he doesn't want to talk to you again, I know it's extremely hard but you really have to stop calling him... everytime you call him and leave him a needy message and he doesn't call you back, you're only making this all even more painful for yourself.

I know its hard to believe now, but trust me, things will get easier. Just think, they can only go up from here, right?

[Cat1864]

First things first, no more getting drunk to ease the pain. It doesn't do you any good in form or fashion. In fact, it makes things worse.

True 'closure' has to come from inside you. Many people have talked out relationships and their endings and still don't have what they consider 'closure'. 'Closure' is an accepting that the relationship is over. It is the understanding that there is no going back to what was that you have to move forward. Nothing he says or you tell him can bring that 'closure' to you. As I said, you have to find and recognize it in your own mind and heart.

You are going to go through a form of grief. Shock, anger, denial, and, finally someday, acceptance. I know it looks very dark right now, but keep the light that acceptance shines firmly ahead of you. It probably looks like a firefly in a stadium, but it is there.

Do yourself a big favor and go No Contact with this person. No phone calls, voice messages, text messages, Facebook, MySpace or any other form of communication you can think of including asking friends about him. Keep reading the stickies at the top of the Relationship Board. They hold some great advice.

Keep yourself busy. Mind and body. Some people find the gym to be a good outlet. Some people try cooking or baking. Try getting involved in new things with new people. Try not to allow yourself to push everyone away because you are upset. Allow yourself to mourn and heal. Someday, and it will take awhile, you will find yourself feeling better with him a distant memory.

We are here for you. You are nowhere near alone. Just keep adding on to this thread and you will get a lot of good advice.

[Chris0107]

Cat

Thank you for your input. I understand it all and it makes sense. I know closure comes from within, but I feel like if we could have talked at least once I would have a clear understanding of his feelings and be able to accept this better. The fact that he just vanished like a ghost with nothing but a short note, when we were planning to talk is hard for me to accept. What changed his mind? Why didn't he want to confront this with me instead of running away and ignoring me like I mean nothing? It makes me feel as small as ever. I just wanted the respect of at least a conversation. I dream of him and talking to him, and its consuming my life just thinking about having at least some final words. That's all I want and need. I will not contact him anymore, but do you feel given the circumstances that I will ever hear from him again? I really want to and feel I need to or I don't see any light for me.

[Cat1864]

To be honest, I think he planned it to go the way it did. I don't think he planned to talk anything out with you. Actually, I think he was out of the relationship in his own mind when he picked up the first batch of his stuff.

I think he took the coward's way out because the two of you were fighting instead of having discussions. Constant fighting isn't normal. Disagreements that are discussed and talked out are. Everyone has differences of opinions. It is how they resolve those differences that can determine the health of the relationship. I get the feeling that you two kept fighting and not resolving anything.

Will he ever get in touch again? I don't know. Should you accept any contact from him? I would say, 'no'. I think it would just cause you more pain.

[Chris0107]

I feel like I am in a nightmare and can't wake up, the thought of him never contacting me again is unbearable. I need some hope, I wonder if there is anyone out there that had someone break up with them, with no conversation and if they ever heard from their ex again? I'm in such a state of shock I cannot function. I want to know what he's thinking and feeling, I want my chance to talk and say what I want and I can't. He won't let me and I feel so hopeless. I can't handle this.

[Chris0107]

I made it through work, barely. Just sat in my car and cried on my lunch break. Am I normal? All I want is him to call me, just once. I can't handle the way he did this. I need to hear his voice one more time. If I don't, I don't see how I can't pick up and move on. I can't eat a thing. I am smoking like a chimney. All I see in this house is our memories. I lay at night thinking and dreaming of him. I dread getting up each morning and seeing him not in my bed like he used to be. I miss him so much. I am praying for some answers. I am praying he will reach out to me and give me the chance to talk with him. He wants nothing to do with it, not even one opportunity to speak. I am so miserable right now, I literally cry every few minutes. Anyone else going through this? Any other advice for me? Anyone have any words of hope? I am desperate for any replies and any words of wisdom. I have already received that and more from this site and the few people who have responded. But I still feel horrible, and desperate for as much advice and answers as possible. How can someone you have given so much time and loved you so much, leave without talking to you one time. Why is this so hard for me to understand?

[Wondergirl]

a clear understanding of his feelings

I'm sorry you're going through this. If you read your posts again, I think you will agree with me that he has expressed his feelings very clearly.

The fact that he just vanished like a ghost with nothing but a short note, when we were planning to talk

He left your life in stages. I don't think talking with you wouldn't have helped, in light of how you sounded in all the messages you left him. Would you have been mature and not needy and rational in a "last talk"?

What changed his mind?

Read this part again:
Everytime he always seemed eager to work through it and always wanted to stay with me. Well, this time no. Wednesday of last week I was being stupid and needy, and complained that I didn't get enough affection. Blew it all out of proportion. Told him not to come over Thurs(the next night) cause I wanted to be alone. Thursday evening I got home from work and most of his stuff was gone.
Now, please tell me what changed his mind.

I will not contact him anymore

I hope not. No Contact, as Cat has said, would be the best possible thing to do. Note how your ex is a master at it.

do you feel given the circumstances that I will ever hear from him again?

I hope not. If he starts to play mind games with you, you will never heal.

[Homegirl 50]

Honestly I think he got fed up with you, he knows how you handle things and he didn't want to deal with it so he left you a note. Do I think he's coming back? No. I don't think he will contact you either.

Now you can take this time to work on your insecurities your temper so that you will be emotionally healthy or you can wallow in this and nothing will change.
You can get past this if you choose to. This door has closed but there is another one along the way. Take this time to prepare yourself so you can walk through it as an emotionally healthy person.

I wish you well.

[friend4u178]

Hi Chris

I'm really sorry your going through all this pain and confusion , but what you have to understand is the way your feeling is quite normal.

Your in shock , denial and all the other things that come with a break-up and we all go through it.

I think he'd already thought of the break-up for some time , hence his being able to just seemingly walk away without any feelings , you see he's already conquered his emotional demons when he made the decision himself , and your just starting because it's all so fresh and you probably didn't see it coming.

So now that's he's gone , in his mind he would feel he has no responsibility to explain to you why , where or whatever. As Cat said he's probably taken the cowards way out and he feels if he has to have that "last talk" it will just be you trying to talk him out of it and as far as he's concerned he just doesn't want that drama.

You need to be honest with yourself here too , because you probably want that talk to change him around , and will stoop to anything to get that last chance , to convince him that it can work. And then when that doesn't work you'll probably want a 2nd talk , and it becomes never ending until you finally accept that it's not going to happen.

Unfortunately all you end up doing is making yourself look weaker and to him it justifies why he broke up with you.

So No Contact , as hard as it may seem right now , is the way to go. It hurts and there's no Magic wand to make the pain go away , but the longer it goes the less pain you will have as the days , weeks and months go by. By trying to contact him , looking at Facebook etc. just holds you back and makes the process longer.

We're all here for you and we'll listen to all your ranting to let it out , read the material on the forum and I guarantee you by this time next week you'll feel that little bit better , and the week after better again.

Sorry to rant on but hopefully my words helped you a little to understand how things work with breakups , because when your in the emotional state that your in at the moment it's very difficult to see.

[CarrotTalker]

Have you tried writing out what you wanted to say in a letter, but never sending it? That will help work through some of your feelings.

[Strength89]

Chris,

First off, shut down your own Facebook for a while so you have no way of seeing his Facebook. Find ways to make it hard for yourself to contact him via any form of communication. Delete his number from your phone list, email address from your address list and find new and cute items to change your place around a bit. Buy a few fish (I bought two betta fish to help me cope with a break up and they worked wonders). Rearrange your place so that it'll feel and look different. Your goal here should be to change your place around as much as possible so that it'll won't remind you of him.

Secondly, break ups are extremely painful for everyone especially during the first few days of realizing that it is actually over. This will sound crazy but let reality hit you and cry, cry as much as your body will allow you to. Cry for as long as you need to. Just let all of your emotions out and once you're done crying, get out of your house and go for a walk. Do this every single day if you have to until you have no desire to cry anymore.

Many people think that it's always best to up and go and keep yourself busy so you don't think of the other person but I personally think that up and going so quickly actually hurts you more than help you. Take the time to mourn the death of the relationship, take the time to let yourself truly feel the pain--to know that it is real and that it won't go away until you learn to face it head on. Take the time to soak in the memories, smile at the good times, cry at the bad times and laugh at the funny times. Take the time to truly allow yourself to enjoy the memories of your relationship.

Allowing yourself to experience the emotions and memories immediately after the break up gives you the opportunity to rid yourself of the pain as quickly as possible so that when you do move on, you don't get pulled back into the past in a negative way.

Like what others said above, please go NC. Speaking with him and wanting "one last talk" will hurt you more than help you. You may not see it now but some things are better left unsaid, unknown, and kept a secret.

Now,

Are you located in the states? If so, you can ALWAYS message me at night when all of your friends and family are asleep and you have no one to turn to and need an immediate talk or vent session. I am currently located in Seoul, South Korea and am on the computer all day since I'll be at work so I will be available to email/message/chat with you to help make your nights go by faster. This is simply an offer since I myself have gone through a break up just recently. My own wounds are just as fresh as yours and I know how hard and long the night can be. No pressure but if you need someone to talk to, message me.

Good luck and keep your head up. There's always a rainbow after the rain.

[Chris0107]

Thank you Strength. I can't really rearrange my house, I have only lived here about 7 months and it's kind of small. Everything is kind of in place, but I do appreciate the suggestion. I will probably take you up on your offer to talk soon. I am tired tonight and will try to get some sleep for now. Hopefully I don't dream about him again.

I appreciate everyone's feed back. I think it really is helping already, though I am still a mess. Forgive me if I sound like a broken record, but I guess I am still in my huge denial phase and don't want to believe it because everyone on here seems to think he will not contact me. I don't understand? I mean, I thought the guide said ex's almost always circle back, or make some kind of contact once you to the NC. They eventually reach out. But everyone is telling me he probably will not call me. Is my situation really unique? I guess I am just upset because I was hoping to hear "oh yes I am sure he will call soon" or "probably will hear from him" But everyone instead is saying "no I don't think so" or "I doubt it". Why is this? Please bear with me with all the petty questions, I just am having a hard time accepting that answer at this time. Won't he feel uncomfortable leaving the relationship this way? He must think about it? I can't imagine someone could do this and not have it bother them. I really wonder if he misses me at all or cares.

I understand a "last talk" may or may not do me any good. But for some reason I feel like it's making my wounds deeper without that. Like I never got to say what I wanted but he did in a way. It makes me crazy knowing he left without a word. I feel like after all my time and effort with him and opening my home and my heart, he deserves to give me that. I know I wasn't perfect but I am still human and a good person. Again, sorry for repeating myself with some of this stuff.

I am dying inside. Regretting that night one week ago today. Wishing I had just went to bed and shut my mouth. We had such a great time that night prior too. I can't undo it. I just wish he would reach out to me in some way. I will be strong with NC. I am not ready to let him go though. I don't know how to be strong when I feel so betrayed and tricked by him. Leading me to believe we were going on a break for just a couple days, and sneak in here to get everything and poof gone. I can't get over it. He seemed to care sooo much for me. How can someone's feelings change that quick?

Sorry I am rambling. I may do this for a while. I hope I am not annoying.

Now off to bed, alone.

[Cat1864]

I understand that emotions are running high and that personal contact with another individual can be comforting, however, site rules discourage off-board contact. The site tries to keep everything in the threads so that those getting help by reading other people's stories can see the progression of the story.

Chris, something has been bothering me from your first post. Do you have a Facebook account?

[Chris0107]

Cat yes, but I deactivated it yesterday hoping in some way that will help me, what was bothering you about my post? Also, what does everyone think about those books on winning back your ex? Do they ever work? I dreamt of him again last night, its torture. Does anyone think he will ever contact me ever again? If not I want to understand why and how that is possible for him to do? I wonder if he thinks of me?? I want so badly for him to reach out to me.

[Cat1864]

Cat yes, but I deactivated it yesterday hoping in some way that will help me, what was bothering you about my post? Also, what does everyone think about those books on winning back your ex? Do they ever work? I dreamt of him again last night, its torture. Does anyone think he will ever contact me ever again? If not I want to understand why and how that is possible for him to do?? I wonder if he thinks of me??? I want so badly for him to reach out to me.

You said that he had his Facebook set to Private, but that you could see the main picture. What bothered me was that if all you could see was the main picture then you aren't/weren't on his list of Friends. I am wondering if the Wed. argument was a bit closer to the truth about how much attention he was giving you and if the picture isn't as innocent as he was attempting to portray.

I really think he has been wiggling his way out of the relationship for longer than one week. He may have been spending a good bit of time with you over the past six months, but how was the relationship over the past few days/weeks before the last split? Look at it as an outsider looking in instead of one of the participants.

[Homegirl 50]

Cat yes, but I deactivated it yesterday hoping in some way that will help me, what was bothering you about my post? Also, what does everyone think about those books on winning back your ex? Do they ever work? I dreamt of him again last night, its torture. Does anyone think he will ever contact me ever again? If not I want to understand why and how that is possible for him to do?? I wonder if he thinks of me??? I want so badly for him to reach out to me.

I don't think you can win someone back who does not want to be with you.
You said you guys argued quite a bit anyway so things were not that great to begin with.
I don't think he will come back and I think he left you long before he moved out.

[Chris0107]

Cat

Wed argurment was the I was not getting enough affection. He didn't hold me or cuddle me enough etc. I didn't see that picture until 2 days later. I was not on his friends list on Facebook, because he said it's less problems that way. He is a very social guy with tons of friends, male and female.

Homegirl, Yes we fought,sometimes. We had issues. Some me some him. I have a problem letting things go and I am a sensitive person. I don't think he was out of the relationship for a while, because he always acted like he wanted to be with me and always wanted to be around me. He would always tell me how much he wanted to be with me etc. All up until very recent (This incident). This is why I am so confused. To care so much, and then vanish. I can't process it.

I am not even saying I need him to be with me or come back to me, though I would love that. The only thing I wish is to have a conversation so I don't feel hung out to dry. He left in a very cruel way, which seems so different from his usual traits with me.

I wish I knew if he missed me or even cared. I wonder if he thinks about this, or if it's really just nothing to him anymore. I guess I just wish I had more answers.

[Homegirl 50]

Yeah, he left in a cowardly way, he may have left when you brought up the picture because maybe he was seeing that girl.

You may never know, but you need to let this go otherwise you will not move forward.

[friend4u178]

A lot of people don't get closure , so trying to hang on for it is pointless and a complete waste of energy. I know it's hard , we all want answers , unfortunately that's not how it works. He's made his choice , and remember you don't leave someone you love , and whether it's right or wrong he has no obligation to give you closure.

Let it go and you'll get over this a lot quicker.