[llssd28]

How do I tell a 8 yr old duaghter that her father commmitted suicide. Recently she has faced some question at school from friends about what happened to her father.. her grades have gone down and she just is not coping anymore, she has started lying and not doing her homework.. can this affect her?

Regards,
Kay

[Blue Angel]

This will definitely affect her throughout the rest of her life, but she can learn to cope with it and move on with her life. My situation was a little bit different, my mother was murdered when I was three. The best thing you can do is be honest about what happened, she will be more angry if you lie to her and she finds out the truth later on. Also, she'll need cousniling especially now and through her teenage years to help her work through what's she's feeling. She may not even know how to explain what she's really feeling.
One thing that really helped me in that area was a collage my counsiler had me put together. I had to cut pictures and words out of magazines that I felt gave a voice to what I was feeling and then we talked about it and had me explain each selection. This is something that you could possibly do with your daughter as well to help you both work through this tragedy together.
She will had to deal with cruel kids at school as well. Some will be mean and make fun of her for what has happened, my sisters and I used to get picked on about our mothers murder. You should keep communication open with her teachers and school counsilers if that is happening too.
I wish you all the best in working through these difficult times.

[Enigma1999]

Hello Kay,

I personally wouldn't tell her that her Father committed suicide, not at eight years old. I would wait until she is older. Don't get me wrong, I don't think ANY age is a good age to find out that their parent has committed sicide, however, she will be tainted by it at such a young age. Let her keep good thoughts for now. Let her think that her Father died without warning. Does that make sense?

If you think her grades are bad now, think of the damage it will do to her knowing he killed himself. Wait till she is older. Paerhaps in her mid/later teens.

I understand you need to do what you have to do, and I'm assuming that this is your Daughter, niece, or someone close to you, so you know her better then I do.

I am thinking if it were my child, how I would handle it. At this stage of the game, I just wouldn't reveal that to an eight year old. She won't know how to tell the kids at school, and it's really none of their business any how.

Again, this is my opinion, you have to do what you have to do.

Good luck.

[DrBill100]

Kay

Death affects everyone. Death by suicide poses all of the regular problems of mourning and readjustment plus different and additional problems. These problems are further compounded by your daughter's age and her inability to recognize and give expression to the loss she feels. This is truly a circumstance that requires special knowledge and experience.

There is an excellent organization that receives far too little media notice, Survivors of Suicide. I have years of experience in suicidology and have found this group to be one of the few offering expert family assistance in the aftermath of suicide for all family members. The organization, about 30 years old, is composed of groups throughout the nation. Hopefully there is one in your area. These are people who have lived through the same circumstances you are now confronting, with leadership that has been trained through the American Association of Suicidology.

Most of the services are free. The highest price I found (for any particular group) was $80 for 8 sessions.

For a listing of support groups by state go here.

Hope this will be of assistance to you and your daughter.