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irock2006 · Apr 16, 2010, 07:24 AM

Hello,
I'm an 18 year old girl, and I'm sort of having a dilemma.. not the dilemma of my life because I don't let it control me but it is giving me sleepless nights.

it all started when I met a guy and I had a super crush on him, but I managed to get over it when he told me how he was in love with this other girl.

after 5 months of friendship with him I think I have true feelings for him (! ) really, I think I'm in love with him.. because I see everything that I wish for a partner in him..

we have a good friendship where we share our secrets with each other and there is very good chemistry since I got over my crush over him, so I've been able to act normally around him, and I had to, because without that everything wouldn't happen so naturally.
we hang with each other a lot when ever we get the chance to, and at one point I wanted to hold his hand while we were walking but I pulled back (he's already in a relationship.)
we can sit n talk for hours and not get bored. We can call each other at any time. Basically, we're good friends and we can talk deep or talk about nothing, heheh, it's nice =)

I think that everything is perfect, except for the fact that I want all of him and not just "the friend" that he is.
I try to handle this is realistically as possible, because I know that he's in a relationship with another girl even though there's a lot of problems between them, not serious problems, but I just don't feel as though his girl friend is appreciating him truly, which is a bit sad, and I think I can make a better girl friend to him than she is. He is almost always complaining to me about her, and I try to give him advice about it, I tell him to put up with it, because he loves her and all...

I didn't believe it when I found myself having feelings for him, because I thought that I had gotten over him, but that's not it, I'm actually in love with him, and I'm keeping my feelings as deep inside as I can because I don't want to ruin the friendship that we have.. but lately I've been considering my feelings because I really don't know what to do, I do want his love.. but it's complicated..

Should I just wait around for him? Should I confront? Or be patient so I don't ruin everything.
I'm open to all ideas

JudyKayTee · Apr 16, 2010, 07:33 AM

Everyone will have a different opinion but if I had a male friend, involved with another woman, and I suddenly developed romantic feelings I would back off. I wouldn't get involved with a man involved with another woman.

Devorameira · Apr 16, 2010, 02:56 PM

You need to accept the fact that he's taken and has already told you that he is in love with his girlfriend.

Move on and find your own boyfriend who isn't already attached to someone else.

irock2006 · Apr 17, 2010, 12:27 AM

Thank you everyone for replying. You, maybe I should move on and get over myself

JudyKayTee · Apr 17, 2010, 06:43 AM

I don't know if it's a matter of getting over yourself. Your feelings are how you feel, unfortunately.

It's more a question of a man who is "with" another woman.

Don't beat yourself up over this and I'm afraid you are...

jmjoseph · Apr 17, 2010, 07:15 AM

I try to "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" Or something like that.

Just imagine that it was YOU in a relationship with this guy. Then imagine him having a "special friend" just like you, trying to wedge herself in.

How would you like that? I mean, somewhere out there is a girl who is minding her own business, trying to be the best girlfriend that she can be, doing all the right things... and then there is you, lusting after her man.

Put yourself in HER position, and then go find your own man.

asking · Apr 17, 2010, 07:38 AM

If he's having problems with his girlfriend, a big part of the problem could be because of you. I would recommend that you go find another "friend" because really you are his second girlfriend. He needs to work on his relationship with his first girlfriend on his own.

irock2006 · Apr 18, 2010, 11:07 PM

The thing is, she's actually NOT doing all the right things, and by the way I am not trying to wedge myself in. I haven't confronted him with the way feel, because the last thing I would like to do is sabotage his life AND the friendship that we have. It's true that I have feelings for him, but he's trying to make it work with his girlfriend, and so, I think that my emoticons are the problem, the problem is n ME. Either I get over myself, which I don't know if I can, or I be "the friend" that I already am, and also I have to say that our relationship together is strictly definded as friendship.. if that adds up to anything, I don't know.
I don't know what to do..

JudyKayTee · Apr 19, 2010, 05:45 AM

I'd walk away from the friendship before I would play any part (and perhaps if he's discussing his problems with you instead of her he's emotionally cheating on her) in his breakup.

Would I tell him why I'm walking away - certainly.

asking · Apr 24, 2010, 06:21 PM

Originally Posted by irock2006

we have a good friendship where we share our secrets with each other and there is very good chemistry . . .

...we hang with each other a lot when ever we get the chance to, and at one point i wanted to hold his hand while we were walking but i pulled back (he's already in a relationship.)
we can sit n talk for hours and not get bored. we can call each other at any time. basicly, we're good friends and we can talk deep or talk about nothing, heheh, it's nice =)

... i think i can make a better girl friend to him than she is. he is almost always complaining to me about her, and i try to give him advice about it, i tell him to put up with it, because he loves her and all...

He is cheating on her emotionally--with you. He has no business complaining about her to you. And you have no business giving him advice about her. You are hardly an unbiased source of advice.

I agree with Judy that you should break off this "friendship."

Probably not the advice you were hoping for. But your honor is more important in the long run. If you try to steal him from her, in 10 years you will know you did wrong. Plus, he will probably make you miserable when he is "friends" with some other girl, maybe even her. If you walk away now, you'll always have some self respect.

Strength89 · May 3, 2010, 11:28 PM

You fell in love with him knowing that he's already in a relationship and is in love with another woman. Consider yourself lucky that you knew from the beginning and move on.

If you can't move on, put yourself in my shoes.

I fell in love with a man that was already married and I didn't know. You should have seen my face and reaction when I found out. I am still paying the price for it (falling in love w/ him) now.

Basically, my point is, YOU have the power in this friendship. You can walk away now until you FULLY get over him and can only see him as a friend and save yourself from feeling deeper pain or you can stick around and let your feelings become stronger and feel a much much much deeper pain.

The choice is yours. How he feels about you walking away from the friendship DOESN'T and SHOULDN'T matter. You should be more worried about your own well being than his.

JudyKayTee · May 4, 2010, 07:10 AM

Originally Posted by Strength89

You fell in love with him knowing that he's already in a relationship and is in love with another woman. Consider yourself lucky that you knew from the beginning and move on.

If you can't move on, put yourself in my shoes.

I fell in love with a man that was already married and I didn't know. You should have seen my face and reaction when I found out. I am still paying the price for it (falling in love w/ him) now.

Basically, my point is, YOU have the power in this friendship. You can walk away now until you FULLY get over him and can only see him as a friend and save yourself from feeling deeper pain or you can stick around and let your feelings become stronger and feel a much much much deeper pain.

The choice is yours. How he feels about you walking away from the friendship DOESN'T and SHOULDN'T matter. You should be more worried about your own well being than his.

Yes, but you stayed even after you found out. Its not that easy to walk away after the sexual relationship begins. The OP is platonic friends with the male, no more and no less.

She needs to simply walk away NOW, before the relationship begins, and not look back. I see a friendship in this case, not a relationship.

rosebud1982 · May 4, 2010, 07:54 AM

I wouldn't loose sleep over it, just because you are young and still have a whole life ahead of you. I have learned that if it is truly meant to be, it will happen. You may feel he is not right for her or vice versa but you also have to keep in mind that maybe you want him cause he is taken... Trust me sometimes we are out just to get the catch and when we get it well we get bored and throw it back. Our friends are our friends for a reason... It's true something can come of this but you need to really think through and find out how much you will have wished just to stay friends if things went south.

Strength89 · May 4, 2010, 09:46 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Yes, but you stayed even after you found out. Its not that easy to walk away after the sexual relationship begins. The OP is platonic friends with the male, no more and no less.

She needs to simply walk away NOW, before the relationship begins, and not look back. I see a friendship in this case, not a relationship.

Friendship or relationship, either way, she is in love with the guy. Friendship or relationship has nothing to do with anything when it comes to love. She will still feel the pain if she stays friends with him and have her heart broken.

JudyKayTee,

I don't know what your problem is but I'd appreciate it if you leave my own personal question and answers to others separate.