[bela1]

I have been with my boyfriend 2 years now and when we first met we had a great sex life, sleeping together pretty much every day. We moved in together after only a few months and the sex dwindled to about once a week but I don't think this is abnormal.

I found out that I had genital warts near the beginning of the relationship but this did not seem to effect sex. However, a few months after that (about 9 months into the relationship) he found out he had warts too. At first this did not effect sex unless he was recovering from treatment. My warts were treated and come back a couple of times but have not come back for over a year now. However, he has had a lot of problems with his warts keep returning and has tried numerous treatments, including being frozen, electricuted and putting acid on! After being treated in access of 10 times the warts do not seem to have come back and he has been clear for about 2 months or so now.

On top of this, he smokes grass everyday. He has always smoked since I have known him but has had a break from the grass for a couple of months and this did not make any difference.

We have not had sex for 8 months now and he refuses to say he loves me or anything effectionate- which he used to quite regularly! I live with him and would struggle to afford to move out on my own at the moment if we were to split up. I used to ask for sex quite often and tell him I love him but now I don't bother. He says he is psychologically damaged from the warts and from research I have done smoking weed can effect your sex drive too. He does want to stop smoking and wants to be hypnotised in a few weeks (althouth this is focused on the tabaco rather than the grass as he doesn't want the person to know about his habbit (he is a collegue)).

I don't know whether to keep waiting or whether it is a hopeless cause. He says he may never have sex again in his life!

Is there anything I can do to make him feel he wants to have sex again? Lately I have noticed him being a little harder than usual (e.g. when I have hugged him and in the bath) but he seems embarrassed about it and brushes it off! I think maybe he is starting to break and as it has been so long he finds it difficult, or perhaps I am just hoping!

Any advice??

[Alty]

It sounds like he went through a lot with the warts. I'm sure the physical pain and emotional trauma is hard to get over.

Another thing to consider is that he may blame you for what he's gone through. You said that you had warts in the beginning of the relationship. It's very likely that you passed them on to him. As a result, he had to go through a lot of treatment. That's hard to get over.

You need to talk to him, ask if he wants to save this relationship.

Couples counseling and individual counseling would do both of you a lot of good. All of this needs to come out in the open and often it's easier to talk to a stranger then the person you love.

I'm sorry you're going through this. You really need to talk to him and find out if he's willing to work on this or if it's done.

Good luck.