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nostalgia · Dec 20, 2006, 11:33 AM

Hi. My husband's parents had him when they were 16. They were not together again until he was 7 after which they had his brother. After that they always seemed to have a normal family until his parents divorced when he was 24 years old, although my husband claims that his father always favoured his younger brother. I wasn't there before, but ever since I started dating him 4 years ago, he heard from his dad less than 10 times and saw him 3 times, including our wedding. He is always promising to come visit when he is driving through town, which he does often, but he always cancels or just doesn't show up altogether. My husband doesn't show it much, but I can tell it upsets him. He never even told me anything about his parents divorce, which was happening when we were first dating. In fact it was his mother who told me about it. He only once talked about the divorce and he cried. To make things more complicated, he converted to my religion before we married, and that upset his father, who is an atheist. I am not sure how I can be there for my husband because he doesn't want to talk about it, but when things happen like when his dad doesn't show up he is upset and mad for 3-4 days afterwards and doesn't want to talk or do anything. I want to help him, if it is my place. Any guidance? Thank you

Bluerose · Dec 20, 2006, 11:57 AM

Sorry but it sound like he could be doing with some counselling. Sounds too like his father never bonded with him. He needs some help to work through these issues. I'm afraid if he doesn't … the mid-life crisis that affects so many people may hit him hard.

CaptainForest · Dec 21, 2006, 12:23 AM

Maybe it's just my paranoia but it sounds like his daddy might not actually be his biological daddy.

Anyways…

As bluerose said, some counselling might be able to help.

But also, why would his Dad be upset about him converting?

Atheism is NOT a religion.

Whatever.

You can't change his Dad, but a counsellor might be able to help him sort through his feelings about this all.

nostalgia · Dec 21, 2006, 03:39 PM

Well, there is no way that his dad is not his biological dad because he is the spitting image of him, and they have the same voice on the phone...
His dad shows he loves him when he does end up seeing him. He gave us a huge huge gift for our wedding, but it seems that other than the fatherly obligations he wants nothing to do with him...

s_cianci · Dec 21, 2006, 08:52 PM

I'm not really sure there's much you can do. He obviously never had a close relationship with his father and whatever issues there are between him and his father came into being long before you entered the picture. Just let him know that you're there for him and that you'll gladly talk with him about it if he wants.

talaniman · Dec 22, 2006, 07:53 AM

The relationship with his father is something between them that they must deal with, just be supportive to your husband.

chuff · Dec 27, 2006, 09:32 PM

It sounds like your husband is still a little boy inside when it comes to dealing with his father. In other words when Dad says he's coming over he waits for him, but when he doesn't show he's upset and hurt and probably wondering why his dad ignores him? It must be killing him inside. With all due respect to you, he can't really open up because you can't relate. I agree that he needs counceling but I think he needs to also ask his dad, what his dad's deal is. Maybe his dad had him so young he never matured and knew how to be a father.