[Shards]

Hi, well little background I'm 24 and my fiancée is 28, been together about 4yrs and engaged for about 2yrs. Before I go any further yes I do love him and I think he still loves me and no he is not cheating.

Im about 12wks pregnant now and it was a decision we both made to keep this baby.

The problems which I have tried to talk to him about;

-his temper, he has a really bad temper which has resulted in numerous holes in the walls and smashed items, sometimes it takes something as little as him getting pissed off at a video game to smash the controller into bits?

-the computer and computer games, it is all he does... he stays up all night and plays games and sleeps all day

-he is so lazy and self centred lately, he says he will do things but never follows through with them and then when I ask about it over and over again, he yells at me and says I'm a nagging or annoying or to leave him alone

-he left his job almost 6months ago and hasn't got another job yet regardless of our bills falling behind and on the verge of eviction from our home, me having to hock thing just to feed us and our dogs, I don't understand why he won't get a job? I am working fulltime and trying to support us

-he is on depression medication which helps a lot with his moods but he won't do anything else to help the problem like to talk to someone or even talk to me, he says it won't help and he doesn't want to talk to anyone

-he isn't a touchy lovey guy (that was only when I first meet him) but he use to be more loving and caring than this but it doesn't feel like he cares at all anymore about anything, he rarely touches me, sex, even holds hands, or pays any sort of attention or compliments towards me... does it sound like he is not attracted to me anymore or once more just to lazy to bother

I know he should help out more and be nicer to me because everyone says it but I need to know how I can help feel better about himself, life and us... he seems so self consumed with himself and doesn't care about other people around him and how his actions affect them.
Sometimes he acts like he cares about things and that he going to do this and that but then nothing happens... what advice can give me?

[Devorameira]

And you’re with him WHY?

What exactly does he do to enhance your life?

He’s got definite problems - problems that aren't going to be easily fixed!

Stop and ask yourself... "Do I deserve to be treated this way?" “Do I want to live my life in this type of environment - always walking on eggshells and having to support the family?”

If your answer is 'no' then leave him and NEVER look back (as very few angry men change). It’s not easy to leave someone you love. And you can love him with all your heart but still need to leave him.

Most behaviors like his escalate. Throwing things and hitting the wall turns into pinning you against the wall (or worse). They lack self control... you could be hurt/killed.

Please don’t let your baby be part of this equation. Just move on!

[talaniman]

Leave, and get the help, and support you need to have a healthy baby, and let him deal with his issues himself. Now is not the time to expect him to change, nor get caught up in his BS, or issues.

Sounds like you are on your own, and maybe family can be there for you. Reach out to them. Maybe being on his own, in his hell, will make him realize what he must do for himself.

[Jake2008]

He is a violent, unemployed, lazy a**, who plays video games all night and sleeps all day.

Do you think that by you being pregnant, that he is capable of changing? If he goes bezerk and smashes a game controller and punches holes in the wall because he's po'd at the game, what on earth do you think he's going to do with a screaming baby in the middle of the night?

He has the maturity level of a flea and lacks any qualities that I can see from what you have written, that would even put him in the ballpark as to being responsible enough to take on a baby in his life.

You are setting yourself up for misery with this man. Whether you stay or go, he will be a 'father' to your unborn child, and that will subject you, and particularly the baby, to the violent mood swings and unpredictable behaviour he shows.

It is important in my opinon, to consider your options, and put the baby's safety at the forefront of any decision you make. As others have said, you will need support and help from your family and friends, and while you are able now, consider your own well being, and chart a path for yourself away from this man-boy.

[friend4u178]

I don't really need to add anything because everyone else has said it and they're right.

The problem is if you don't do something about it , ie: leave and mean it , there is no way he'll change , because by putting up with his behaviour your condoning it. This way he may just realise he's going to lose you and work to do something about it.

How long do you seriously think you could live with that?

[Gemini54]

Oh dear. Not exactly a shining example of responsible manhood is he?

he seems so self consumed with himself and doesn't care about other people around him and how his actions affect them. Sometimes he acts like he cares about things and that he going to do this and that but then nothing happens... what advice can give me?

Let's face it, he's a loser.

I'm so very sorry, but this man is not good marriage or fatherhood material. You know this deep down. There is no indication that he can support himself emotionally, financially or spiritually. How do you expect him to support you and your child?

This man has too many problems for you to be able to help him. Help yourself instead. Speak to your family, get their support and get the hell out of there.