[Zairaa]

I was with my ex (S) for 6 years. (We did break up several times in the middle but we would always end up back together). I started my relationship with him when I was 17. We are almost the same age. (He's 6 months younger than me) In the beginning we were happy together. He came from a dysfunctional family.
After a year and a half later (our relationship), we had an argument and he hit me. I forgave him. I did suggest therapy but he refused. I loved him too much and didn't break up. He still made me happy. Then after 8 months he hit me again, in front of my friends. He said I provoked him. Again I forgave him and tried to move on. He still wouldn't see a therapist. After a while I got fed up and broke up with him. 2 weeks later I started dating a friend of mine. It drove him (S) crazy and he would call me and cry and would want me back. Things between the new guy and me didn't work out, I missed my ex too much.I broke up with him and got back with my ex (S). Anyway when I got back with him, one day he would make me the happiest in the world and the next day he would say that I cheated on him and left him. It got worse. A guy in my college asked me out and I said yes. Broke up with my ex again. I was okay, but again I would miss my ex too much. I went back to him. We would fight and the next day we would patch up. After a while he kept on accusing me off cheating on him and finally one day he lost control and smashed my head on the dashboard. I forgave him again. This time I insisted he needed therapy, and I told him straight on his face that he had some serious issues. I forgave him anyway, started working on our relationship and things got better. We were happy, he stopped hitting me no matter how much I screamed at him, he wouldnt' raise his hand.
Two months ago, he said he wanted to break up because he liked someone else. He dumped me. And now he's with this other girl. It drives me crazy. I lie on my bed the whole day, can't concentrate on anything, don't want to go out. I tried to avoid calling him, but it doesn't work, He picks up the phone, sometimes he's extremely rude to me while sometimes he's nice. I'm in denial. I expect him to come back one day. I wait for him. I even saw a therapist. It didn'T really work. I want to die. I wish somebody would just put a bullet to my head. I don't see light at the end of the tunnel. PLEASE HELP.

[Blue Angel]

It sounds like you two had a very unhealthy relationship full of turmoil and it really is best that it's over. You ex definitely has his own major issues that he needs to work on, but you seem to have many issues as well. Why would you want to get back into such an abusive relationship that was not only physically abusive but mentally as well? Even if you two got back together eventually, given your history, you'll probably just end up separating again. That type of relationship is not good to hold onto, it will just keep tearing you up inside. You should try the counsiling route again, but it can only really help you if you want to move on and get better. You also need to find a counsiler that you feel good working with, you may need to try out a few different ones. Letting go of the past and focusing on your future is the best thing you can do for yourself.

[Zairaa]

Thanks. This helps.

[Blue Angel]

It's hard to make changes in our lives especially when we are so used to the way things are, whether it's destructive to us. I wish you well and I know if you really want to be happy again you'll find the strength to make it through these problems.