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lovecrazy12 · Apr 26, 2010, 11:42 PM

Basically I'm with a guy who wants to give me the world, but I feel that he's rushing things and when I talk to him about it he try to make it seem like I don't love him when I really do. I don't want things between us to rush at all. There is an age difference by like 7 years so he makes remarks like I'm not as young as you or things to that nature what would you do in this type of situation?? Help

Larken85 · Apr 27, 2010, 12:16 AM

What are the ages?

How long have you been together?

And no matter the age difference, he should be willing and very able to take things as slowly as you want him to. You can only go a pace at which you are comfortable. The young vs old argument is TOTALLY lost on me as I am dating someone 12 years older than me. I take no issue with her age. Age is just a number in most adult cases.

However we need more information to help you. Please provide.

talaniman · Apr 27, 2010, 06:06 AM

If he wanted to give you the world, he would be listening to what you want. Better tell him and take no BS about it. If he can't handle the truth, or refuses to listen, then he can give you nothing.

Cat1864 · Apr 27, 2010, 06:52 AM

If he isn't listening to you when you tell him things are moving to fast and is trying to turn it into a blame game ('well, then you don't love me' or 'if I were your age... ', etc.), then he is not giving. He is taking.

He is using the guise of 'giving you the world' to mask trying to control how you act and feel about the relationship. It may be that he is insecure and concerned that you might find someone else or that Life will pull you apart. It may be that he enjoys calling all the shots.

His saying that you don't love him as much as he loves you because you feel the relationship is moving too fast is designed to make you feel like you have to prove how you feel about him. Thus, he controls the speed of the relationship and you end up feeling pushed into something you aren't sure of.

You need to sit down and have a discussion with him about your concerns and be very clear about what you want in the relationship, right now. Listen to what he wants and, if possible, compromise where needed. If he isn't will to compromise or listen to you without getting defensive and 'attacking' (however, nicely the attack may be put), then you need to take a step back think very seriously about whether this is the relationship for you.

One big question to ask yourself, do you really love him as much as you think you do or in trying to convince him that you love him have you convinced yourself that your feelings are deeper than they are?

I wish · Apr 27, 2010, 08:19 AM

I'm going to take a different angle here. I'm going to sympathize with your boyfriend.

Since he's 7 years older than you, it sounds like he's looking for a serious relationship and he expects that serious relationship to develop much sooner than you're comfortable with.

I wouldn't hold that against it, it's more like you're not on the same page. Often we say that age is just a number. Or woman want older guys because they are more mature. But we must keep in mind that as we get older, some people are looking to settling down and possibly having a family. When there's a huge age gap, it's possible that the younger person is not looking to settle down, but more to have fun.

Therefore, you definitely need to sit him down and talk things out. Both of you need to lay out what you expect and want in this relationship. Find a way to get on the same page or go your separate ways.

It's not fair for you to force him to slow down if that's not what he wants and it's definitely not fair for him to rush you. Though he's going to have to be the one who slows down, there also needs to be some compromise. Both of you have to come to a mutual understanding and move at a pace that you're both comfortable with so that we can put this matter to bed. Otherwise, you're going to have continuous arguments and that's not a healthy relationship.

Devorameira · Apr 27, 2010, 02:00 PM

I question the love he has for you. He should be talking to you and listening to your concerns about taking things too fast.

He's definitely trying to control you by accusing you of not loving him when things aren't going his way. Don't allow him to play that game with your heart!

Don't allow him to push you into anything. Take your time, maintain your own control, and do everything at YOUR on pace... not his.

Homegirl 50 · Apr 27, 2010, 02:10 PM

When someone accuses you of not loving them because you won't let them have their way, that is a red flag that says "selfish"
Tell him you are just not ready to go the speed he wants to and to respect that. If he can't then there's another flag that says "you need to leave this relationship"