[Larken85]

Life is the best teacher, second only to pure stupidity. In my case that is.

[amicon]

I don't think its stupidity-its more like trying to fit a round peg into a square hole-and sooner or later having to realise that its not possible.

[Larken85]

Good analagy. But that does sound pretty stupid to me lol

[jmjoseph]

I feel that you are just too young to be tied down. You have to have the "Joe time". I was one month shy of my 37th birthday when I got married. But I knew that I wasn't ready to settle donw quite yet. I KNEW. What you are going to have problems with is that she is much older than you are. She has had her personal time. She now has two children that are rightfully so, the most important thing in her life. You will always be third.

She is taking advantage of your kind nature. She says that she "loves" you, yet will not let you stay with her and the kids. Those kids will adapt just fine. And for the ex with the dog, he can kiss your butt.

Do some soul searching, and learn to be your own man. You will be absolutely miserable, and resentful, for missing out on your youth.

There is a nice girl out there who has similar interests.

I just hope you figure this one out before it's too late. You'll be sixty years old, looking in the mirror,saying " what the hel! was I thinking?".

Try to learn from the experience here on this board. We know how these relationships work. Sure, sometimes they work out just fine, but more times than not, when they start with this much trouble, they ferment into an undrinkable brew.

But that's your decision, and it's your life. We are just trying to let you see through the lacey nighties.

[hungtoronto]

"How will I know if I never try"

Because a lot of us have been through it and already gave you advice. So you don't have to try. It's like "reinventing the wheel".

and "what if I waste taking the chance while I am still young. The older I get the less time I have and while I still have free time I can make mistakes." Thats really my mindset. Its probably a bad one to have, but I've convinced myself that this is the way I want to look at things right now.

The reason a lot of us are here is because we want to learn and don't have to go through the mistakes and waste our time. Chances are there are a few great girls out there who are right for you but you missed the opportunity wasting your time here.

The lesson that you are learning right now cost too much for you and you can barely afford it. If you can barely afford this lesson how are you going to have enough money for the next one? How much money do you have? JK :)


A relationship with a single mother come with a lot of responsibilities more so than with a single person. If you decide to give this relationship a try, make sure you know everything about relationship with single mother, all the pros and cons associate with it. At least if you are aware when the problems come you are not surprise and are prepared to deal with them.

[Homegirl 50]

When you get tired of being broke and frustrated, you will leave this situation.

It is really on you. She cannot take advantage of you unless you let her (and you have) and the fact that she will not listen to what you say and has no problem having you work overtime to support her spending habit should tell you this woman is not a choice cut.
This not about her, she is what she is. This is about you. You are unhappy and working to support her. Ask yourself why you choose to stay with someone who couldn't care less about you, who treats you with such disrespect.

[Larken85]

You are all making very good points. And especially you homegirl on that last one. Its not her at all, she isn't the problem. I am. I am the only reason I am going through this because I am letting it happen... time to stop it I think. No more letting it happen. Even now during one of our good phases I am saying that, so I am ready for a change. I am ready to make a drastic change. She can keep up or take off.

And About Joe time, I am not giving it up. Its one of those things that I need. Who knows, maybe I could find a nice single girl (not a mother) who loves hiking and other out doorsy stuff. That would rock lol. Not that I know any woman like that...

[Homegirl 50]

That's the way to think.
You don't need to be run over by a money hungry woman with two kids.
There is a woman out there for you, just open your eyes.
Get out from under this woman's control.

[talaniman]

You ever think that standing up for yourself and expressing yourself honestly depends on how well you know yourself? How can you understand another, if you don't understand yourself?

Can't be done. Worse, you will always fall for anything, and be afraid of everything.

I think your cougar you have by the tail requires a strong hand, a man with solutions and direction, and leads by example.

So be honest here, is that YOU?

[ScottGem]

I have also told ya'll to stop worrying about this for the present time until I am ready to make the change because at the moment it really feels like I am wasting your time. I am trying to be nice here and let everyone off without having such a battle as we were a little while ago. Honestly the fighting with me is ridiculous and childish and it needs to stop. Like the disagreeing with me just to give me a negative status, not cool, expeically not when I agreed with the last poster and they did not get a red. Not to mention that the person I agreed with gave me a red.

And you cannot disagree with me on my own post, I mean come on. If you do not like what I have to say, then go away. Thats all there is to it. I needed to rant and rave about the situation, its how I blow off steam. I am sorry if this thread has upset some people, and I am sorry if you feel I have wasted your time, but as I said, You don't need to waste your time any longer. Only people that want to stick around and listen to me should stay tuned to this.

I have to say thanks to the admin Ben and Tal for getting my thread reopened.

Actually it was me who reopened the thread, not Ben. And I'm beginning to be sorry I did. YOU DO NOT dictate who can respond or how they respond. When you choose to post on this site, you open yourself up to whatever comments anyone wants to make. As long as those comments stay within the rules of this site, then you have nothing to say about the matter. If you believe the comments violate the rules then use the Report link.

This was the main reason the thread was closed in the first place.

[talaniman]

I think you take Scottgems advice to heart, and see the point that you CAN stand for yourself when you WANT to. You just have to do it with HER, not US.

[JoeCanada76]

jmjoseph agrees: Maybe SHE needs an account here. He has stones here.

It is a lot easier to have stones on the internet and with strangers then with family or loved ones. I think.

I also agree with Tal, that he stands up for himself here, so that would make me think he can do it if he really wants to at home to.

[Lucky098]

The thing that I see wrong with this relationship, is its not about a disagreement over what color the living room should be and what should be for dinner... Its an argument about how YOU need to be for her in order for her to feel taken care of.

You continuously stand up for her, giving her reason for what she says or does. But in realiality, there is no reason for what she does and how she does it. The fact is she is just cruel to you. She is taking advantage of you and is starting to make you question yourself.

No realationship should make you question yourself. Make you fight for your own independence and definitely not make you want to work harder and longer to appease her needs.

Everyone has relationship problems. But you, sir, I think are in a horrible situation that is boarderline abusive.

The only way you're going to fix this problem is if she disppears from your life. Why you constantly ask for advise on here and then just immediately turn it down is beyond me. You need to think for yourself and decide on your own if you want to wreck your life because she bats her big eyes at you. And yes, from the sounds of this entire fiasco, you are wrecking your life. You are throwing away your youth because of this woman. You are injuring yourself because she needs more and more.

Where is she going to be the day you get laid off from work? Or hurt on the job? Will she still be around? Will she support you? I highly doubt it.

That may be something you want to think about.. You may want to look into the future for a minute and see if you see yourself living the dream, or walking around with a ball and chain.

Every decision that needs to be made needs to be recognized and made by you. No one, on here, in real life.. NO ONE is going to save you until you decide you need to save yourself.

This woman treats you like this because you allow it. Everything, from the fights, to her taking your money, you allow it. Its not healthy in a relationship for you telling yourself, and others, that you're going to have a discussion about what you want to do with your freedoms. That discussion shouldn't even need to be made.

You really need to find a different outsource to relieve your stress and anger with her. Every time you post on here, its getting more and more pathetic. Sorry to sound so harsh, but you continue to put a bandaide or a wound that is always bleeding.

[jmjoseph]

Joe, That's what I don't quite understand. You come here for help. You get help. Every single person here, ALL of us, are telling you to get out, and get on.

You have literally hundreds of years of experience, I have over thirty years myself alone, trying to help you out of this jam.

Why ask for help when you already know what you are going to do?

[talaniman]

Excellent points guys, but he does need time to process this realization he is coming to, and make a plan of action to deal with the coming wreck at the intersection.

[Homegirl 50]

I think he knows what he needs to do, it's taking that first step. It's like the relationship is the devil, but it's the devil you know, you're miserable, but you're comfortable in that misery. You don't want to deal with something new.

The fact that he is here asking questions tells me, he knows what he needs to do. It may take him a while, but when he is sick and tired of being sick and tired, when he wakes up one morning feeling down and asks himself if he wants this to be him a year from now, two years from now, he will leave.

One of the things I found a bit odd, when you are dating a woman with children, when you are talking about marriage, don't you develop some kind of relationship with them? I could be mistaken but has he ever mentioned these kids, how he feels about them?

This relationship is toxic and these children are exposed to this mess. They are learning how relationships work and it's not a very good lesson they are being taught.

I find it all pretty sad.

[Larken85]

One of the things I found a bit odd, when you are dating a woman with children, when you are talking about marriage, don't you develop some kind of relationship with them? I could be mistaken but has he ever mentioned these kids, how he feels about them?

This relationship is toxic and these children are exposed to this mess. They are learning how relationships work and it's not a very good lesson they are being taught.

I find it all pretty sad.

Completely right. I do have a minimal relationship with them, and its not enough for me. That's all there is to it. Maybe you're all right, maybe I should just leave...

[Homegirl 50]

Yes you should. You seem like a very kind hearted person. There is a woman out there with no kids or drama that can make you a happy man.

I wish you well

[Larken85]

Thank you home girl. I think it is finally hitting me the right way. Depressing...

[Homegirl 50]

I would imagine it is, but you will get past it. You just need to take a deep breath and take the first step.