[snareechomm]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 2 months and we have sex about 3-4 times a week. But its really weird because she won't let me finger her or touch her down there at all. She will usually give oral sex and then we have sex for about 10 minutes and then she yells at me to and then its over. I ask her about how I can help her orgasm and she says not to worry about it. I told her it wouldn't hurt my feelings if she told me how she likes it, but she just won't talk about it. I start to move my hands toward her crotch and she won't let me get there. While we have sex she is panting and making all the usual sex sounds. I am sooooo confused? I'm sure she wants to orgasm, but I have know idea how to get her there. My old girfriend would orgasm all the time and I know she wasn't faking because sometimes she would ejaculate. Any thoughts? Should I just not be worrying about it like she says?

[snareechomm]

I made it sound like she yells at me during sex, but its not like that. She just passionately asks me to ejaculate

[JoeCanada76]

Maybe she is a guy with a penis?

[Cat1864]

How old are both of you?

It sounds like you need to slow down the sex and speed up the getting to know each other. I think she may have some issues that you need to discuss instead of having intercourse.

[hheath541]

Maybe she is a guy with a penis?

Hopefully he would notice if she had a penis.

[snareechomm]

How old are both of you?

It sounds like you need to slow down the sex and speed up the getting to know each other. I think she may have some issues that you need to discuss instead of having intercourse.

We are both 25. Maybe you're right

[snareechomm]

Maybe she is a guy with a penis?

Hahaha, yeah she doesn't have a penis, I could see

[hheath541]

hahaha, yeah she doesn't have a penis, I could see

Yeah, it would be kind of hard to miss. One of the first things I've always noticed about my partners is rather or not they had a penis.

[JoeCanada76]

Yes, I was only joking. It is weird though that you guys have sex a lot yet she does not let you go near her.

I do believe that their needs to be a lot more communication with each other.

[hheath541]

My guess is that she's not completely comfortable with sex. Maybe there's something that's made her think that sex is all about the guy. Maybe she's never had an orgasm, and she's afraid of letting go enough so that she can.

[snareechomm]

She told me that I was the first to have sex with her so maybe you're right about not being comfortable with sex, but she is always initiating the sex. She just hops on top of me. Whatever it is you guys are right that we need to communicate better

[hheath541]

Her initiating doesn't mean she's comfortable.

So, you guy's had sex less than two months into a relationship when she was a virgin? Did you learn that before or after it happened? That's really early in a relationship to be having sex, especially when one party is a virgin.

No wonder she's uncomfortable. It's possible that she's starting to regret the decision. But, since there's nothing she can do about it, she's not going to tell you.

[Cat1864]

she told me that I was the first to have sex with her so maybe you're right about not being comfortable with sex, but she is always initiating the sex. She just hops on top of me. whatever it is you guys are right that we need to communicate better

If you care about her, sit down and have a discussion with her. DO NOT allow her to turn it into foreplay as a means of distracting you from sharing your concerns. It is one thing if she doesn't want to talk about her experience or lack thereof and another if she doesn't want to talk about ways to improve your relationship with her. Basically, her past is her past. However, you are part of the present and deserve to know what is going between the two of you.

[adthern]

It sounds as if there may be some history there. Have you tried to talk to her about her past relationships/sexual encounters. If she has significant issues about being touched, it could be that she was touched inappropriately/raped at some point. Though I would approach this whole line of discussion with a lot of tact and care.

Alternatively, if she takes medicines for depression or blood pressure, etc.. they can affect her sexuality/ability to orgasm/desire.

File this under getting to know each other better?

[Aurora_Bell]

I agree with Cat and Hheat on this one. I'm betting something has happened to make her uncomfortable.

Sometimes when a person has been abused sexually in the past, sex becomes very complicated. It's a constant battle in their minds.

Was she the one who initiated having sex the first time? Does she she initiate the sex now?

Does she like other physical activities like, hugging or kissing? What's the relationship outside of the sex? You 2 months isn't really a long time to be dating, maybe there needs to be more communication about her past, and why she is so adamant about not being touched.

[Aurora_Bell]

Oops sorry just saw this page.

[hheath541]

It's possible that her upbringing had strict rules about sex. Or, it was never talked about, beyond being told that she shouldn't have sex.

If it wasn't a subject she was exposed to when she was younger, or her parents discouraged any and all talk on the subject, then she would probably still be uncomfortable with it. That would carry over into being uncomfortable with herself during sex.

If she's not comfortable with herself, then she's not going to be comfortable with you touching her or giving her pleasure. Sex becomes all about pleasing you.

You need to sit down and talk with her. She obviously has some hang ups. Hopefully you'll able to get her to talk about them, and maybe even work through them with you.

[kimchilover123]

I can tell you that this is exactly what I am doing to my boyfriend. But the main point is I am still a virgin, so I have no idea why your girlfriend is acting like that though