[careyb]

My wife are meeting with my step boys bio today and we are planning on asking him to allow me to adopt the boys. The boys are now 11 and 14 I have been raising them for the last 7 years. Since then the bio has been in and out of jail, he has no job, no drivers license and he has not seen the boys in about 2 months. Both the boys have been asking for this for sometime time now, so I'm just looking for the best way to ask him this so he understands that this is what the boys want and in my opinion is what's best for the boys. Thanks

[Jake80]

Do your boys ( notice I said your boys) because you are their dad whether bio or not want to be adopted. You say they have been asking or have you been asking them. Adoption or not the only difference is the name. Children tend to agree with adults when asked a question because they trust us. If their father ( notice I don't say dad ) objects there is nothing stopping you if your children agree to changing their names to yours.

[careyb]

I'm not sure about the laws here in Washington state, but I thought I had to have the bio's permission to change there name as well

[cdad]

As far as the best way to ask him? Its hard to say because none of us know him. There does seem to be an ongoing relationship with the bio dad since you have said he hadn't seen them in 2 months. You also state he has been in and out of jail? What were the charges because in some states he could have his rights forcably removed depending on what the charges were inorder to proceed with an adoption. Is he ordered to pay child support ? There could be leverage if he is in arrears.

[Fr_Chuck]

Often if the mom has been a real pain and chased him to the end of the earth to make him pay child support, if he knows that will end with the adoption, that is often the best selling point.

And letting him know that some visits would still be allowed if the boys wanted to see him.

[ScottGem]

Legally the names can't be changed. But a person can use any name they want as long as there is n o intent to defraud. So your boys can use your last name except where a legal name is required.