[FloridaFisher]

Well.. I just want to say that I feel comfortable being here already. I've spent the past day going through the forums of users Sdjosh and Sandstorm99. Yes, they're old stories.. but let me just say this.. I feel closer to them then I do most of my own friends and family right now. I've actually found myself in tears reading and when I had to walk away I couldn't wait to get back and continue reading. I feel like I was there with them during their two year struggle. I have to say I feel great for Sdjosh (assuming his marriage is going well) but I feel like crap for Sandstorm when read his story and seeing the outcome. Who knows though.. his last post was about a year ago. I've seen the ups and the downs. I too am afraid. I too would like advice to keep my head straight and I too would like my story to one day help someone else. Sorry my typing etc. is horrible!
To start.. I had a 2 year plus relationship with my ex in which we had a child very early on. No, he wasn't an accident, and no, I will not ever say the birth of my son was stupid regardless of the situation. We were great when together.. we were different then most couples who were always trying to be that perfect show couple. I use the term "two peas in a peanut" lol.. It describes us a little bit better. Well, we haven't had the easiest of times at ALL, but we always had each other. We were stuck moving constantly and had to come up with places to live in a matter of hours (no fault of our own). I'm a felon from some ought years back and it's left me with the inability to get on at most jobs. Although I'm learning to not let that kind of stuff stand in the way now and I'm slowly getting my ambition back. SLOWLY. I tried so many different things from working short term jobs to owning my own business for a while to selling blood to provide for my family when all my applications and so forth fell through. Through all this, I started feeling a about of depression moving in. It just slowly consumed me for the past year and turned me into everything I hate about this world. I used to be the peace maker and I would end arguments.. Now I'm an a-hole and a very bitter guy. I grew up in a really crappy way with a lot of problems with family and life in general, but I never took anything I had for granted and always appreciated everything good.. Now I sit thinking about everything I do not have and I've forgotten what I do. I took my family for granted and stopped showing affection, love, and stopped spending the little moments in exchange for trying to provide only materialistic things to make things better. It was EXTREMELY STUPID of me. I started noticing things were getting bad about the same time she says now that she started losing feelings for me.. a little over a year ago.. I let stress get the best of me. I tried everything I could think of except the one thing that mattered.. BEING THERE.. I noticed she tried very hard to show me and even flat out say things to me and I blindly didn't see it.. and I heard nothing. She tried up until the final week. My son and her went to GA (we're in FL) to visit her mother's side of the family because her grandpa was just found to have cancer and his colon exploded. This side of her family used to get along great with me, but then I started noticing how much of a friend she was to my ex and not so much of a caring mother. We butted heads on various things, but we always managed to be civil and still joke about other subjects we agreed on. Anyway, I decided to stay and get some work hours in and I had to take care of her cats. I wanted them to have some bonding time and so forth as well. When they left I was feeling down about how everything had been so I started really working my off to ensure things were better and fixed so there would be less arguing and fighting about stupid stuff when they got back. When they arrived we decided to go take a trip to her dad's place here in FL for the weekend and I took her to the fair. I was so proud at how hard I worked and that I could actually finally afford to take my family out to have a good time and to spend time being a family. I let the money get to my head and had one last fit about money over something extremely stupid (wasting things.. small petty things.. ) and she finally snapped. She said that she couldn't take anymore fighting. I was confused and though "ok, maybe she just needs to cool off". I was wrong, she wanted out! I took some time to separate myself from her so I could mentally punish myself for being so dumb. When I spoke to her she said she wanted to break up right now and couldn't handle this anymore. I asked her if it was a break and she said she wanted it done and dating other people might be an idea. I was devastated. I cried (which I never do over anything but her and my son when things are VERY bad), I begged, I talked with her throughout the weekend while we were down there about it all and I got her to give me a chance. I was given one week to show her how sorry I was. We got home on a Sunday and she and I talked about it more and again STUPIDLY I pushed the subject until she broke again rather then just working on making things better. Yeah, I'm an idiot. She called her mom and left the day we got back home. She went to GA and our son is here with me. I realized two days after she left what I did and how I needed to change and what I could do to work on it. I called her almost every day when she asked for space. I tried to explain to he that I knew what happened and I knew how to fix it and that we could still be that great couple we once were. She got mad that I didn't give her space and ended up saying hurtful things during that times.. I don't blame her for it either.. She clearly stated her wants at the time. I knew we still had a chance so I kept writing to her on Facebook, myspace, even 10 pages of hand written letters in which I sent to her a week ago. She ignored them all. When we spoke on the phone (which I initiated almost 100% of the calls) I would verbally corner her and release this big wave of emotions and thoughts on her and hold her hostage on the phone for almost an hour at a time. I realize now that it was ignorant of me to think I could just talk her into coming back. I also lied and said all would be better. I now see that I'm still very much depressed. It's been 4 weeks since she left me and I've cried almost daily and had contact almost every day with the exception of a 5 day period in which we were pissed at one another. I started reading this no contact thing and decided it was time to try it, but before I did I had to corner her once more and shove 4 more questions at her. She didn't answer at first.. so I sent it a second time. This time I made myself ask in a nicer, lighter way. She answered 4 questions for me and I'm not sure if I wanted the answers I got or not. I told her if she answers them I would leave her alone for good and she can call when she wants to talk to our son Wesley. I have done so. At the end of today I will have completed 2 days of no tears and no contact. I deactivated my Facebook for a while because I would find myself on her profile hourly. I'm going back to work today as well. My problems now have changed. I can't will her back despite how much I love her and want her home with her family. I know this now. Problems are: 1)We have a child to talk about and arrange custody for which is going to make no contact hard. 2)I know the road to recovery is getting away from her and fixing my depression.. but my family's the only thing that makes me happy in life anymore. I have my son and I love him to death, but I'm still looking at what I don't have. I got a new truck coming, a new job possibility, I got my mom moving down to meet my son for the first time, and still not happy. How do I change this back to the way I used to be? How do I learn to love that in which I DO have? 3) She's pissed off at me because I will not let go of our son until we have papers signed so I know I'll get to seem him again no matter what. You'd think she would be in agreement, but man is she on fire. I only do not trust her because of her latest irrational decision making and lying to me about liking this one guy (a story in it's own). She's chosen all the worst routes to take right now and she's going to drag out son down with her. She's a great mother usually but is VERY stubborn in her ways and doesn't allow herself to hear what I have to say. So until she comes down to stay with her father like she said she was going to, I have him an she's pissed at me for not being able to see him. I've done everything I can to be a responsible parent and put him first and I don't have to do anything unless we go to a court and I'm ordered to. I'm doing all this for my son, her, and for the sake of making peace. She'll be closer (1 hour away instead of 6) and I'm not sure if I should break the NC (with custody talks aside) for this opportunity to show her I'm making progress or if I should just keep NC and risk not having that chance when/if she goes back to GA with her mom after the papers are signed. She also said that when she left she planned on giving me a shot (she's said this before she left and it was one of my 4 questions), but now she says she's not sure because a)I kept bugging her b)the custody issue has mad her very upset(and I understand why.. it's her son too). I'm not sure what to do here. So... cue the words of wisdom lol!

Again!
- Things to make the time pass by without her getting into my head.
- Things I could do to show her improvement.
- Things to do to make myself less depressed and appreciate my life again.
- How to get her to not be mad over being a responsible parent.
- Do I break NC when she comes down and I can/will see her.
- How do I act while speaking about custody to keep things happy and make them better?

Looking for those same forum users to come back and give this dude some help. Hoping to hear how they're doing too! Thanks everyone!

[amicon]

You need to speak to your lawyer about custody and how the financial side of things is to be handled.

You could thy legal mediation so that matters regarding your child will be handled in an adult manner.

Other than that I think you stick to NC as best as you can.

Have you seen your doctor about your depression?

[FloridaFisher]

Well.. we are in agreement 100% so far (unless she tries to change her mind in which case I have plenty of legal way in court and the incrimination on her families side to get them out keeps building up.. ).. She's supposed to be down this week to sign the custody papers and stay with her dad for however long she decides to..
Already have mediators, paralegals, lawyers, legal aide, and paternity action papers waiting just in case she decides to head the court route..
I'm trying to.. but I don't want to come off as unfriendly and an to her.. you know? I want us to work out again honestly, but I'm doing the best I can to let her miss me and to learn to be happy without her.
Yeah, when I was a kid I was on ADHD meds.. chose to get off them.. they put me on depression meds for a bit as well.. pulled away from those and did just fine.. I hate vices.. I don't even use my inhaler.. I'm quitting smoking.. I don't like things that I have to depend on that weaken me. I could go and get meds easily.. I just would like to do this naturally. I know it's do able because I used to do it. I plan to work out and get my body back by summer hopefully.. If I can't use it to flaunt in front of her I can use it to bring in others lol.
I want to be over her because.. honestly.. I looked at myself in the mirror.. in tears.. and just sat and stared for like 10-15 minutes trying to figure out if I would come back to me even. I said I wouldn't.. I know I need to change.. but I would like for there to be a way to get the message to her that I have.. but she lives 6 hours away.. She'll be around other people more then me. I'll never be able to just walk away from her because of our son. I feel trapped a bit.
I did stop myself from tearing up today.. It wasn't easy but I figured hell I might as well not cry while I do no contact and just let the days rack up. Also, I deleted her numbers yesterday! However, I did have to write it down in case of emergency with our son.. but I wrote it down and balled the paper up and threw it behind the couch.. lol.. I have no plans to go through that to retrieve it.. I do however still have access to her accounts and emails and I keep going back to them.. I keep seeing things that hurt me more or make me angry.. I feel like I just can't stop myself.. I already have it rough not getting on myspace and Facebook because of my tendency to wander to our pics or her profile.. I feel sick.. you know? I have spied on her this way.. I feel I was justified when I seen what she said about this one guy.. but really.. other then her not letting me know who's around my son (which I let her know).. I'm not justified at all. I keep getting is my fix of her and I'm not doing a whole lot with myself ever since she said I probably lost my chance with her.
I also didn't mention that she said she loves me before.. she just those "in-love" feelings. I don't know what to make of it. How does she go from caring and loving the week she got back to THIS in 5 days of being gone? I'm wondering if it's influence/manipulation on the part of this guy she's talking to (him and I hate each other.. and if it wasn't for custody I would have tore him down already.. he has issues so I'm taking the proper steps to ensure he never lays a finger on my son). This situation just keeps escalating and if it keeps down this path then yes we will eventually end up warring and hating one another. I don't want that. I cannot be her friend only because it'll hurt too much to see her with other guys and I've told her this.. but I do like having her in my life.. you know?

[FloridaFisher]

Also would like to get some perspective from:
Samesame, sdjosh, sandstorm99, talaniman, mckenzie134, etc.

[FloridaFisher]

Really wish I could get some help lol.. She just called.. I didn't answer so she still has no clue what I'm up to.. I'm sure she just wants to talk about our son.. but I'm not sure how I should go about it not being awkward and the NC thing.. I mean I can come up with things but they all sound kind of cold and obvious.

[the_original]

When it comes to your son the be polite and brief... but don't let the conversation take turns and to either your or her personal life. It complicates things when there are children involved, but polite and brief would be the best approach in my opinion.

As for keeping her out of your head, only cure for that is time. You CAN do things like taking proactive measures and keep yourself busy. Chill with friends, go out, do the things by yourself that YOU like to do. Don't worry about showing HER improvement, show yourself improvement. Trust me, it feels good when we are down and out to accomplish something. Anything from taking an extra course or two to learn about something you may be interested in, writing a book, I don't know you or your interests but things like that help. Channel some creative energy into something. Sounds hokey (Im a 22 year old guy so I know how weak some of this may sound) but in these situations they truly do help.

[FloridaFisher]

Thanks for the reply.. was wondering if I would have to wing it lol.. I haven't called her back yet.. not sure if I'm going to call or wait for her to call again, I only worry that she mistakes that as me trying to keep her child from her.. you know?
I feel you man.. I can goof off with my son.. it's what I've been doing, but, I don't know what else to do when I have a child to care for 24/7. I feel like I'm going insane and actually I sat down to think about some things (stayed up all night actually), and the biggest one was that I'm unhappy about this current job I have, but this is the only job I can work where I can bring him with me until I get my mom moved down so she can help watch him on my days when I have to work. So I again feel trapped like there's nothing I can even do about any of this. I have one friend in the area and I don't want my kid around during adult times. Makes it a bit rough, to say the least.. I'm 23 so your ideas sound about right. I have a little home gym set that I'm moving back to my place to get back into shape and clear my head. My head's so jumbled up right now that taking care of my son is all I have really done this past month.. I've barely worked at all.
I finally had the balls to remove her from my MSN as well.. so now it's all gone. When I talk to her, do I end the conversation and call, or does it even matter? Right now I also have this idea in my head that I'm not going to be able to meet anyone who's going to want to be with a 23 year old single father with a past felony.. lol.. I'm working on putting the felony behind me and expungement soon since it's an older charge. I'm just trying to find ways to improve my life for myself and my son while perhaps finding ways to change myself so that I might impress women as well. I love reading how most of the stories end well even though they didn't get back together, but as much as I love my son I think being a single father changes the likelihood of that happening for me.
Sorry for random rambling.. I'm still in the shock state of trying to figure out what happened, why, etc.. I'm analyzing everything..

[the_original]

Apolgoies are not required here bro haha we all have posts like this to our name. If you need proof that NC works, you can view my thread, and in some of the stickies at the top of the relationship forum there are links to other NC success stories.

It's normal to analyze everything, its still so fresh. We all do it. The only way to start not over analyzing things is keeping yourself busy. You have a son, and from what I have read in your posts you have been there for him and spending time with him and that is the best thing you can do. He is all that matters right now.

No, you don't want to give the impression that your denying her the opportunity to see her son, and this is where things get tricky. I'm no expert, but if I were you, I would answer her phone calls (give her the chance-who knows she may just be contacting you to see her son) and see if that is what its really about. Don't let the conversation go into any other topics. The only thing you two have in common at this point is the child, and that is all that needs to be discussed. Anything else leads to further confusion and heartbreak.

We all feel like we won't ever meet someone after we have been dumped, but its not true. (Again, see success stories). Right now, meeting new women is not so important. You have bigger fish to fry. Look after your son just like you have been doing. If you can, search for a new job. You said it makes you unhappy, it's time to correct that and start doing things that make you happy-only way to move past her. If not, than bring your mom down for the support, and stick it out until you do find something that makes you happier career wise or until something presents itself.
When it IS time to meet new girls, you don't advertise yourself as a 23 year old felon... we all have pasts and most of us are able to learn/move on from our mistakes. You get to know someone, and IF things get serious, you may bring up your past then if you wish, but this should be furthest from your mind and a couple of months down the line at least. You feel down on your luck, and its normal. You have the right idea though, keep finding ways to improve yourself, and your sons life, but don't do it for her or any other woman, do it for you guys.

[FloridaFisher]

Yeah, you're right, it is all about him. Is it bad of me to have selfish feelings time to time? Like, I just want some time to be alone for like a full weekend to get my head clean just for a few days. He looks so much like her, so it doesn't matter if I even take her stuff and pack it (which I did and told her we can arrange pick-up or drop-off), and this house is where we spent most of our time as a couple off and on. I just feel like I need to escape, but I have no where to go, you know? I can't leave state to see any family due to custody right now, and I have really one friend nearby who I work with but he works almost all day every day and Saturday's his only day to relax... sometimes not even that. Kind of want to be alone and I kind of don't, but other then the phone, I feel like I have no one to reach to in person.
It's been 2 full days now of not talking to her and no tears.. She called again, but him and I were napping lol. I don't want to call her really.. I don't want to talk to her PERIOD right now. I feel a blatant disregard for my feelings and how she trashed both my son and my lives in a matter of days without hesitation and in a seemingly angry way. I mean seriously, she LEFT ME! Why's she being so evil to me? I had enough of it by week 2 and I told her "Excuse me, no! You're not going to be like that with me when I've done nothing but be nice, kinda, and loving.. Sorry, but no! Then week 3 and 4 brought the anti-submissiveness out of me!! I finally told her that as far as custody she needs to grow up, put him first, stop ignoring what I'm saying, stop being manipulated by the idiots that are are her, talk rationally with me or not at all, and I told her I'm being nice and doing all the legal stuff while she's up there tanning etc and getting her mind off things and this is a favor to my son and her. I do NOT have to help her I can just file court papers and she can wait a month before she gets any sort of custody via a judge. I haven't played any of the cards I hold and I've made every attempt to try to work on us and custody while I feel she's verbally and emotionally spit in my face.
She did say something that ticked me off a little at the initial break up time. She said leave her be, let this be her mistake if it's a mistake. Seriously? She's going to ruin any future to get our family together by knowingly going head on, and out of her way, into mistakes. I told her this isn't a typical mistake and could even end up not fixable period and she's dragging us down with the ship. Trying to understand why she's in this "I don't care" mood.
I honestly did do a lot of things that I needed and wanted to do while she was gone with her coming back as motivation, and now, well, I feel like that motivation as left me so I've been doing bare minimum.. aside from getting my son out and about.
Not sure how I can keep my feelings back when we talk. I have this tendency to be honest about how I feel and the tendency to blurt out said honesty lol. It's a curse, really. I know to act like I've got other things to do and to get out of the convo asap, but I'm not sure where to draw the line between talking about Wesley and her using it as a trap down the line for casual conversations(him as the subject of course). I really have been reading about all these traps and tugs on the line to see if we come running then screwing guys over again by fading back out after the glimmer of hope they've given. Really is twisted.
Love the girl, and I'm afraid I may go running. Whether she's sincere or not, I'm afraid that I'll be screwed further as well. She could tell me right now that she wants to work on getting together again and I'd do it without her even earning my trust back at all. Stupid, I know!
Yeah, I man I HATE the radio right now. So many stupid songs, commercials, etc. that make her pop in your mind again. There was a commercial with her name, a caller with her first name and her middle name as the girl's last, and a Offspring song with her name in the title. lol.. I can't escape it I don't think.
I've been getting my mind off her by calling a lot of old friends(mostly women) that I had to leave behind due to jealousy on both our parts lol. She picked up on this on FaceBook before I deleted it and left a status saying something like, "I love how everyone gets pissed at me when I talk to a guy but my son's father can talk to other girls and hang out with them.. Someone answer that for me because I have no clue". Nor do I really, is she mad that people are being hypocritical, or is she just plain jealous?
Still also wondering about why she was talking to this one guy 5 days our of our relationship (never officially boyfriend and girlfriend because they were/are supposedly waiting for his divorce). I mean what does that say about her feelings, our feelings, our relationship? Why was she mad at me? Why did she not give me another shot first? Why is she not hearing me out? Why is she throwing away years of relationship and a family for NOTHING but possibilities? Why the 180 on her feelings and the way she is towards me? I don't quite understand most of this. I'm a logical guy(keeps me out of trouble these days lol) and none of this makes piss for sense, both logically, and illogically. It's like.. I don't know.. I'm tired of wondering these things and she only answered the 4 main questions before I promised to leave her alone per her request.
Lol.. Man she's gone completely crazy.. I almost feel wrong for having sex with her before.. lol.. She's lost her mind it seems.. so why is it I'm the one feeling insane while she's comfortable, relaxing, and happy?
I plan to get the next phone ring or just call her back tomorrow and tell her we didn't get home till late. I really do not want to do this. Remind me to get neutered before I enter any more relationships. It'd help if I could go on a date to get her out of my head, but that's probably not a good idea like you said. I just want to do as Sneeze, Sdjosh, etc. have done and just go out and enjoy life without rushing though.. I'd like to just have some fun and enjoy my time as well.
I'm currently reading your thread, the_original, and it appears yours is fresh too! I can't believe there's so many guys in the same boat. Almost like a little underground society I've come across here lol..

[FloridaFisher]

Man... she left a VoiceMail message the second call.. Should I delete it without hearing it since I plan to talk to her? I really DO NOT want to hear her voice for the lest amount of time possible. It hurts a lot.. specially this crappy tone I get from her now that says "you're not worth me day, I'm not excited to talk to you, and I'm angry with you".. I HATE THAT VOICE.
Day 6 without a cigarette.. sometimes I feel like I need one.. like when I have to talk to her, but oddly lately all of this has kept me so preoccupied and so forth that I lost a lot of the cravings, and I was back u to smoking a pack + a day when she left. I'm proud of myself, but I'm not sure the reason behind this and it has me wondering why I'm not craving it. Hopefully nothing's wrong and it's just mind over matter.

[FloridaFisher]

Nvm.. and sorry for the triple post.. I need to listen to see if it's about custody unfortunately.. thankfully I know it's only 0 seconds long.. I'll listen before I click post..
"I was wondering if you could call me.. I have some questions about Wesley.. alright.. bye.."
And my heart is already racing/pounding.. GRR I hate this feeling.. I guess I need to call her.. I'll again wait before I post. No call waiting I guess.. just gives a busy tone. Nvm went through this time.. no answer.. I love how it's already dragging out. Hate the fact I have to be an jerk about her not seeing him until she signs the papers, but I'm not risking losing my son over her erratic and irrational behavior. Unfortunately, this drives us further apart. NC until she calls back.. She knows I called she'll call again..

[I wish]

Delete before hearing it. If you listen, you will over-analyze her words. Not a fun idea.

Check out the NC related threads in my signature.

NC means ZERO contact. Zilch.

[FloridaFisher]

Too late.. it did make my heart race... but it was over custody issues.. I had to listen and I had to try to get a hold of her.. she didn't answer, but she'll know I called and she can get back to me. I'll keep it about our son and custody and that's it. Tell her I got to go do something or another.. lol..
You're right, the message did make me think, and feel bad for about 30 minutes or so.. so it's getting better then before. She said she had questions about our son and asked if I could get back to her. Made me wonder why she's clarifying that it's purely about him.. Hurts even, but she knows I knew it was all about him from her eon out. I'm the one who said I'd leave her alone after I forced her into answer those 4 questions about 3-4 days ago.. Told her I'll give her the space she asked for and that I just wanted those answers so I could move on. Sucks still that she didn't seem phased. We had a family together and spoke of marriage and more children before she left.. WTH happened that made her 180 THAT quick?

On a lighter note..
Was goofing off with my son and I took a little plastic ball of his and wrapped it in tape sticky side up.. LMAO it was hilarious.. he was getting frustrated but when I'd laugh he'd play it off and giggle back and smile.. He's a smart kid though.. he figured out how to stick it to the couch and let go lol..


Thanks for the replies you all.. I really thank you for taking your time to help me keep from insanity.. lol.. It seems like you all have a big family here..

[FloridaFisher]

Dude.. I'm really really really hating the fact I have to talk to her when I finally got to the being OK with NC place.. Man, she has every reason to break NC and can do so because of my love for my son.. Like my stomach feels like it's on fire.. and I can feel this.. odd feeling.. all up my spine.. I don't want to deal with this.. and short of losing my son I can do nothing.. I feel powerless even over my own self. I don't want to see her or talk to her right now because it'll reset all the things I went through for the past month.. I DO NOT WANT TO RE-LIVE TEARS, BEGGING, WRITING, COMMENTING, PHONE CALLS, ETC. I think I can relate this feeling to that of 'butterflies in your stomach' feelings from hell.. It's... wow.. I keep wondering when she's going to call now and what she has to say.. I want to see her number pop up on the phone.. I want her to tell me she wants to try to work things out when she comes back to FL for custody, but I feel stupid because I know better..
I realize that people here are busy with their own lives and answers millions of questions so I guess I'm going to use this place as a journal and sounding board of sorts. I need to get it out.. I'm tired of venting on everyone around me.. I want to be strong and show no weakness now.. I want to rebuild now. Time is helping, but in the mean time everything else has been place on the back burner while I sit here wasting away daily. I'm accomplishing nothing. I plan to work this whole week.. however, when I do things I start thinking and feelings weak and like crap again. I HATE this sort of feeling. I hate not having control over myself at least. I need a power boost of some sort.. Not sure what though. When I took my son fishing yesterday I was able to not think about her and so on.. Love fishing lol.. but there's not much around here. I have a vehicle coming and a kick @ss deal on it as well and I look forward to it greatly, but I'm not even taking steps to procure this deal which may fade out soon! I'm watching myself fall apart and feel as though there's nothing I can do. Like I'm on display and I'm watching myself through the glass doing something stupid and I can yell out and say "stop this crap.. get off yer butt and get your f'ing act together".. I really have this feeling of needing to be punched. Lol.. Odd.. I know..

[I wish]

Keep your conversations to a minimum. Nothing unnecessary. Like a business relationship.

If it's not custody related, then don't bother talking. The less contact the better.

Have you hired counsel? Have your lawyer talk for you as well, to help you minimize your contact.

[FloridaFisher]

Well we're trying to settle out of court through a paralegal or something along those lines so I have to talk to her one last time for a length of time to make sure we're in agreement on everything and I'll just have the papers made up and all she has to do is show up and sign. Her mom told me the other day(and her mom and I get along OK but for the most part do not like one another) that I should try to show her the change I spoke about when she gets down here rather then continually trying to tell her like I was doing and gave up on. Do I keep the NC.. I believe I asked this already but confirmation from multiple people may make it a strong feeling for me. Do I keep NC when she comes down to stay with her dad for a while (assuming she's stick to that plan) or do I make the best of this opportunity to get the family back together? Common sense and past dating experience tells me to leave it alone, but this isn't just some relationship, this is my family.. we have a child involved. I do not believe in staying together for the sake of the kids since this keeps things hostile at home, but I do believe that it's a reason to try to make things work. I'm not sure why that's not hit her.. I even mentioned those exact words. Who knows.. I need to get the hell out of the house though! I live in the middle of no where and no vehicle at the moment.. At the mercy of friends and only one is around ad he's unavailable.. I just need a good day/night, you know?

[I wish]

Another suggestion I have is to always have a third person present when you have a conversation with her. That way, it dissipates the feelings.

Unfortunately, you're not going to be able to do 100% NC, especially when you have a son involved.

Also, whenever you have to pick up or drop your son off, stay in the car so that you don't have to see her. Or have a third party help you do some pick up and drop offs.

[FloridaFisher]

Thanks Wish! These are all good ideas and I appreciate your help.
I wish I could do no contact.. This is still hurting pretty bad. I just had this weird vision/idea/thought in my head.. I remember how we were when we got together and how we threw feelings of love and desire to one another, and now I'm picturing her doing that with some other guy. This just brought back the crappiest feeling ever. I'm trying not to think about it, but those stupid kind of thoughts are screwing my head up badly. Like I visually see her in my head holding onto some guy with that look she used to give me while going in for a kiss etc etc.. It's ALL BAD.. I hate it.. I cannot control it though!
The pick up drop off thing will hopefully only hurt for a while and hopefully will turn the tables when the day comes that I can show I don't care anymore. Who knows.. I have hope one minute.. none the next..

[the_original]

Hope one minute, none the next. Damn I know that feeling... it does fade though. Slowly, very very slowly, but it does. She left me almost 3 months ago and today I moped around like a little baby, which I haven't done in weeks. You will have off days, and continue to have them for a long time. The trick is to just get through them... sucks. But you do it... I watched a ton of movies today, Swingers, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, etc and all made me laugh and took my mind off the crappy things in life for the most part. (Also helps you realize people out there go through way worse). Just stick it out.

Don't let your mind wander to thoughts of her with another guy. Even if that's the case, that is so disrespectful to you guys as a family, and really it's a lot better you found this out now sooner rather than later. The trick is to take measures and do something to get your mind off her... watch a movie with your son. If he's asleep/entertained then do something YOU like. I know what its like to feel trapped... I don't have a vehicle either and live in a small town where all my friends live in the city 30 minutes away. The only thing you can do is distract your mind as much as possible.

I guess the main point is time. I know it sucks huge, and its probably not believable at this point, but it does work. Keep contact to a minimum (do this for yourself-getting back together and all your "what ifs" are irrelevant at this point) and just let things run their course. The more you talk to her, the more you hurt. The easier you make it for her, the harder for yourself.

I am sorry to hear about your custody situation though. Just try your hardest to get the fairest and most quick resolution possible I guess.

[FloridaFisher]

Thanks for the words of encouragement man. I hate this roller coaster thing. I've done some things to take my mind off it but somehow I have the ability to relate EVERYTHING to her. Lol.. sounds dumb man but even in these forums I saw KP.. her initials.. that alone made me feel down for a little.
Yeah, man.. we're definitely in the same boat with the exception of the custody thing. I live in the middle of no where too. Trying to convince friends who are all concerned with their own problems (understandable of course) and can't make it out. I talk on the phone to friends and cousins and stuff mostly but all I talk about is her. It's really sad.. even I know it.
Trying to let time slip by, just worried that I'm going to kill too much of it and get no where while I'm waiting for the day I don't feel like crap all day. Not sure how long this is supposed to take.. counting hours.. minutes even.
I'm trying to let the what-ifs out of my head but they're replaced by an endless line of them it seems. I do believe time will let me heal and I believe it will work, but man what the hell do I do in the mean time is what's killing me..

What's killing me is she said we had a chance before and still hasn't said that we don't have any chance.. even when asked I'm met at worst with an I don't know or a percentage (my way of having her make this logical and mean something). Why if she wants me to move on does she not just say "piss off"? She said she wants to be friends.. but I told her long ago that I'm not fond of the friends with ex thing until I feel comfortable again which takes years it seems for me and even then I stay clear to avoid any possible return of feelings. She too know how much I love her and care about her and yet she asks to be my friend? Like I said she tells me to move on and not to sit here and be hurt but won't tell me it's done for good? Why did her mom tell me to give it a try in person when she comes down? Her mom and I don't even get along lately.. Is this suppose to be like a *hint hint wink wink*? 'i haven't the slightest clue. This again is a what-if and false hope. I know better now but yet I still let these thoughts enter my mind. Seriously, I can't pay someone to punch the thoughts out of my head? Lol.. I still am not sure if I should break non-custody NC rules and try it in person or if I should keep her away. I know.. I sound like a broken record. I have hope for myself and feeling better.. but the minutes, hours, days, weeks go by so slowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww..
If I have a girl who's interested in me come around and my son is in her custody at the time is it OK to go for it? I know now's not the time to go out of my way to look for a relationship, but I don't know if this area should be avoided all together. I don't really see anything serious happening, but then again.. what do I know, aye? Lol
Think that I may work on a certification until I have the ability to get a family member down here to babysit so I can find a different job and still have my custody time. It'll give me something to do, a goal, and possibly a job at the end and I won't have to pledge a lot of time that I'm not even sure I have right now to do it.
Work sucks because it's outside and a very slow paced job working on a farm with nothing but the quiet surroundings around. All I do here is think about her. I bring a mp3/cd player sometimes but man every song I listen to suddenly has become some sappy love/past love song.. lol.. Specially country music.. That crap is killing me..
Trying to spend some of my free time planning a trip to take once the dust has settled.. Possibly out of the country.. Who knows.. I just feel like I need to get AWAY.. Not sure if it means I'm running away or not.. All I know is I want at LEAST a weekend of nothing but relaxing and fun to just get all this off my mind. Between her crap and custody and my own personal issues (work, ged, looking into a career, etc) my mind hasn't stopped once.. not even for 5 minutes in the past month.

Dancing to Carlos Santana's Supernatural CD with my son is a good time killer.. lol.. sounds gay.. but it works and make me laugh.. Anything to make me laugh works..