[amicon]

Or you could just go out and do things.. .
Gym,jog etc.
Staying stuck indoors is a bit boring sometimes.. .

Don't date yet,too early-but spend time with your friends.

[the_original]

Yea, going for a run every morning could be a good idea! I have a weight bench in my place that I have been using, although not as routinely as I should I must admit.

I realize its to early to date... I made the mistake of getting in touch with an "old flame" so to speak a few months ago when the break up was very fresh. This girl had a boyfriend (lied to me when I asked her though and told me she didnt) and came over anyway... and well you know. I never dated this girl officially, but we had gone out in the past a few times and this wasn't the first time we had sex either. The next morning she left to go back to school/him, and there I was by myself again... with extreme feelings of guilt. So you... wont do that again.
Thanks again for the advice... lets see if I can dish it out for the next little bit!

[amicon]

Good idea-dishing out the advice, I mean.
Keep going.
Or jogging.:-)

[the_original]

All right AMHD... it happened... she sent me a Facebook message. This happened about 2 minutes ago, and as I type my arms are shaking because I don't know what to do.

The message itself is pretty basic. All it says:
Hey just thought I would say hi, what's up? How's coffee culture?

(coffee culture is the place I was supposed to start at in a few weeks, I actually start tomorrow, but that's a different story)

Anyway, so do I respond to this? It doesn't sound hopeful, and I honestly don't think I have anything to gain by it because if I do send a message and nothing past a little correspondance develops from this, I will be devastated. Please advise on how to proceed. I don't want to be her enemy, but I can't handle a straight friendship with her and I told her this when we said goodbye. Bahhh I'm confused.


... props to me though I didn't break NC once so far!

[amicon]

Don't reply-come on-NC is NC.
Block her-no need to be polite when exs come fishing.

[talaniman]

Delete!

[the_original]

She is blocked... its actually weird that she can message me. I know I blocked her when I took her off my friends list when this happened, so I guess she searched me out..

Either way, after taking an hour or two, I will stick to NC. The message has "friend zone" written all over it, and nothing is to be gained by replying. Message was also deleted so I don't have to look at it again.

Keeping strong

[amicon]

Yes you are strong.

That was a atop in the road-a tiny one.

Now go out for a run.

[the_original]

Well, she's done it again. I went over to my neighbours just to have a quick beer and watch some TV with them. I come back a half hour later, and there is a missed call from our old work number (it would be her working there at this time). I kind of feel like, fate saved me tonight. My neighbours came and invited me over at just the right time for me to miss that phone call.

... Now the hard part is admitting I kind of wish I was here to take it. I mean, I ignored her ridiculous Facebook message, why would she take it a step further and call me? BTW, I think we are still less than 2 weeks into full NC.


I'm sorry I just don't get it... I ignored the message, that must have been made clear to her. Why would she feel the need to call me? Simply to say "hi, whats up" from work? What is going through her mind? I said, stay away from me, don't send messages, don't call, UNLESS you want to get back together. (Mistake, yes. But how I felt a few weeks ago). Is she simply just being this ignorant and I'm blind to see it?

[talaniman]

If you keep ignoring her, it will dawn on her you don't wish to be bothered. That's the point of NC. Right?

She knows your tempted, and wondering what she is up to. She knows old feelings get stirred up by the mystery of her call.

She just can't believe you can move on, and is dying of the curiosity of it all.

Stay with NC!! Its more important now than it was before. If she was a guy, I would say she was checking her "trap" to see if she had caught any thing in them, but since she is a female, she is checking her "traps" to see if she had caught anything in them. See my point? Don't be her prey, and get caught up in her traps!

Thank God you know about NC! Get it now!?

[the_original]

Haha oh yes I most definitely get it. I didn't call back or anything, just kind of shocking really. Again, I'm a lot calmer now and I have realized that her phone call was nothing more than a continuation of her Facebook message. Probably needs some guilt relief or something. NC works though, I feel better each time I ignore one of these attempts.

[vanheart]

At this stage, be concerned with you. Not her.

You have other more important things.

Don't let seeing her, or the thoughts of the past sway any of your future decisions. Those are yours and not for anyone but you.

Just make sure that you are looking after your best interests.

From your original post:

"and the one thing commonly said in all of them is that No Contact is an aboslute necessity:

Yup.

[the_original]

So two more texts today. The first one said "hey i messaged you the other day are you too good to talk now?" followed by "??"

What the h-e-double hockeysticks is her motivation? I don't get it, this can't just be curiosity. I ignored them both, and will continue to do so, however now she's making ME curious. I just want to know what goes through her head when less than two weeks ago I said "No contact, unless you want to get back together". It's gotten past that now, and I don't think that's what she wants, can anyone provide insight?

Staying strong though, haven't broken NC on my end once yet! 2 weeks tomorrow!

[amicon]

Stop being curious-she's fishing-probably feels she's not in charge anylonger and that might be p**sing her off.

You are doing really well,just keep busy and keep ignoring her messages.(if any).

[talaniman]

Often exes like to test our words, and she thinks you will cave and do things her way, if you will just respond..!

Don't fall for that.

[the_original]

You guys are probably right. I never knew her to be so manipulative in the past... I guess this goes with all the other changes in her I have witnessed.

[amicon]

We live and learn.

Move past it-her bad.

[the_original]

Is there any way of knowing or prediciting when this will stop? I mean in past situations does the ex give up after a certain period? Because honestly, I'm fine 95% of the time until I see that she has called or messaged me in some way, than she starts dominating my thoughts and it needs to stop. So do they usually give up or is this going to persist until I say "back off" kind of thing?


This whole thing shows me how childish/cruel/immature she is as well. It's almost to the point where I laugh at it...

[talaniman]

You seem to be recognizing things that you didn't before and your right, her contacting you is starting to be a distraction and annoyance.

Two options,

1- stay on this course, and wait for her to get the hint to leave you alone.

2- Tell her straight up to leave you alone.

Both are viable options, and both require you to follow through with the correct actions on your part.

Option 1 requires you not to give in to returning her contact with you.

Option 2, requires you to never contact her after you have made a stand for yourself.

Nice to have options, so try the first, and do the second, if it becomes necessary.

Eventually they give up, but may come back later, no set time table, sorry, it depends on them. How you cope and deal with her actions, depends on YOU though.

[vanheart]

Whoo Hooo!!

Act like she no longer exists.
Because essentially, she doesn't.