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confused111111 · Apr 12, 2010, 06:32 AM

I'll give you a small background then the dilemma. I was involved with an amazing man. We started as friends cause although unhappy was still married. The marriage finally ended and his wife has a new boyfriend.Me and this guy got together on the next level.It was truly a fairytale relationship. We were so in love. People used to make fun of us because we would always tell each other how we felt. All day everyday he would let me and everyone else know how beautiful he thought I was and how much in love he was with me. We lived together and work together its awesome! He even proposed to me. We both were married before and I didn't want to ever do it again till I met him. We both have children who get along like siblings. He even wants to adopt my daughter. Awww PERFECT?? THE OTHER DAY I DID THE WORST THING... I SNOOPED! Yes I know you're not supposed to and trust is everything after all he was my BEST friend. Well in his phone was an inbox and outbox text (2each) 1 was to and from me. The other was to his ex wife that said I love you. The other was from his ex wife that said I love you too. I immediately threw him out of the house and haven't spoke much to him since. He constantly texts me and leaves messages how sorry he is and I took it the wrong way, he only loves me forever. He said he only loves her because she gave him his children. He cries all the time and left work the other day and today has been his first day back. Should I give him another chance? Or just keep moving? Thank you

I wish · Apr 12, 2010, 06:45 AM

There's no right or wrong answer.

You can consider these questions:

1) How much do you love him?

2) Do you want to give him another chance?

3) Is there anything that he can do to earn your trust back?

4) Can he really earn your trust back or have you lost trust in him forever?

5) His ex wife will always be part of his life because they had children together. Can you handle that?

confused111111 · Apr 12, 2010, 08:40 AM

Thank you for your feedback. I wish I had the answers. I do love him veery much. I totally understand they'll be in each others life forever, but, send a card on mothers day Thank you for my children love you! Why do you have to text I love you? Maybe its me I just can't justify that.

Homegirl 50 · Apr 12, 2010, 08:48 AM

Maybe for the both of them it is not over and the fairytale for you two is just that, a fairytale.
He is always going to be in this lady's life. She is the mother of his kids. If this bothers you, you might do well to call it quits. Otherwise you two will end up fighting over this topic all of the time.

talaniman · Apr 12, 2010, 01:28 PM

Harshness warning, bluntness alert!!

How in the world can you expect a guy to go through all this trauma after a failed marriage and be without a good period of healing, and just be all fired ready to be with you?

That's so unreasonable. What's worse in my mind, is the fact that as his friend you should have understood his situation. You did not, you seem to have pounced at the best opportunity you had, without think of the consequences.

I am not trying to be harsh, but you should have seen (as a friend mind you) that he needed time to get his head together and a rebound relationship was not what he needed, but an understanding friend who would get carried away by her own feelings and allowed a relationship between you to have started in the first place.

NO way could you even think he was ready for what you wanted, had you just been a friend in the first place.

Leave him alone now, to deal with his baggage, HIS WAY, without your influence. All you can do now is explain it to him, that he needs to deal with his issues, and you can't help, because you are to emotionally involved and have your own issues to deal with.

If you care for the guy at all, you give him space, and stay out of his business, since you obviously don't understand it, or what he needs to do for himself.

slapshot_oi · Apr 12, 2010, 02:01 PM

Oooooo, you that's pretty bad to be snooping like that. I mean, he didn't even give you a reason to be suspicious.

He was married to that woman, of course he's going to love her, especially after jumping right into another relationship. Really listen to "In My Life" by the Beatles, I know you've heard it before.