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nikiangela · Apr 9, 2010, 10:43 AM

(I know it's long but please read! )
Well, I have recently started having sex with my boyfriend, and I've had two scares so far. One, actually just recently, up to a few days ago... But when I first started having sex with him, I decided to get Birth control, but I haven't started it yet.
My mom has no knowledge that I am sexually active. I'm 17, and will be 18 in one months time. I am very, very much considering starting it this Sunday, as I am on my period right now.

However, I fear that if I start it without her knowledge, and then she finds out, say if I turn down taking some sort of medication in case it effects the pill... well you know.
Otherwise, I was just going to wait until she can see that my boyfriend and I are that serious, that we are sexually active, and in the mean time ALWAYS use condoms, because I have definitely learned my lesson! Lol

Basically
-Should i start it without her knowledge and mention it somehow later on, or just let her find out by herself?
-Or not go on BC and just wait a little longer to tell her that I want to go on birth control and in the meantime use condoms (and yes he pulls out even with a condom on)

I'm just afraid she'd say no and possibly stop me from seeing him.. Since she's very strict.. but honestly I'm almost 18, and plan to marry him in the future and we are very much in love, but of course my mom won't see it that way.

Any advice! Thanks so much!

P.S. ALSO any ladies on Ortho Tri Cyclen? (NOT Ortho Tri Cyclen Lo) Have you gotten pregnant, and how is the pill working for you?

JudyKayTee · Apr 9, 2010, 11:05 AM

I would do nothing until you know with certainty that you are not currently pregnant - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/pregna...ml#post2307493.

What does the Doctor who is prescribing the because pills for you advise?

And me - I would tell my mother and I would hope my daughter would tell me so that she could be protected against an unwanted pregnancy. Of course, I always recommend condoms also to prevent sexually transmitted diseases.

If you are old enough to have sex, you are old enough to discuss it with your mother.

justcurious55 · Apr 9, 2010, 11:06 AM

I think the pill is great and I'm all for being on the pill. What I'm not for is the sneaking around and deception. I think your mom will be more upset if she finds out later on her own than if you are honest with her.

Having sex comes with responsibilities. It really doesn't sound like you're ready for them. Legally you are nearly an adult, but you're still acting like a young teenager.

What medications would you have to turn down because of birth control anyway? The only medication I know of to interfere with birth control are antibiotics. If you're dr says you need antibiotics, you'd be a fool to not take them so that your birth control remains effective. And even when you take birth control correctly, there is always some chance of pregnancy, no birth control is 100% effective. Even the pill and a condom still have some chance of pregnancy.

And it doesn't matter how ortho or any other pill works for any other woman. Every woman is different. Ortho make work perfectly for one woman and just be awful for you. Just like ortho lo works great for me but might be awful for another woman. We're all different. And sometimes it takes a lot of trial and error to find the right pill for you. Or who knows, maybe you'll decide the pill isn't right for you and decide on the ring or an implant or an iud whenever you decide that birth control is the right thing for you.

justcurious55 · Apr 9, 2010, 11:09 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I would do nothing until you know with certainty that you are not currently pregnant - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/pregna...ml#post2307493.

What does the Doctor who is prescribing the bc pills for you advise?

And me - I would tell my mother and I would hope my daughter would tell me so that she could be protected against an unwanted pregnancy. Of course, I always recommend condoms also to prevent sexually transmitted diseases.

If you are old enough to have sex, you are old enough to discuss it with your mother.

Had to spread the rep judy, but yes, definitely important to confirm that she's not pregnant before beginning any birth control.

On a separate note, the pill will likely regulate your periods if you decide to start taking it. Although it might take a couple months. And the pill is not effective immediately either.

nikiangela · Apr 9, 2010, 11:20 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I would do nothing until you know with certainty that you are not currently pregnant - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/pregna...ml#post2307493.

What does the Doctor who is prescribing the bc pills for you advise?

And me - I would tell my mother and I would hope my daughter would tell me so that she could be protected against an unwanted pregnancy. Of course, I always recommend condoms also to prevent sexually transmitted diseases.

If you are old enough to have sex, you are old enough to discuss it with your mother.

Of course! I am going to take a pregnancy test once my period is finished to be sure. And yes we already use condoms now. I got my birth control from a clinic. But of course, the best thing would be to go to a Gyno.
Thank you for the advice!

nikiangela · Apr 9, 2010, 11:27 AM

Originally Posted by justcurious55

i think the pill is great and i'm all for being on the pill. what i'm not for is the sneaking around and deception. i think your mom will be more upset if she finds out later on her own than if you are honest with her.

having sex comes with responsibilities. it really doesn't sound like you're ready for them. legally you are nearly an adult, but you're still acting like a young teenager.

what medications would you have to turn down because of birth control anyways? the only medication i know of to interfere with birth control are antibiotics. if you're dr says you need antibiotics, you'd be a fool to not take them so that your birth control remains effective. and even when you take birth control correctly, there is always some chance of pregnancy, no birth control is 100% effective. even the pill and a condom still have some chance of pregnancy.

and it doesn't matter how ortho or any other pill works for any other woman. every woman is different. ortho make work perfectly for one woman and just be awful for you. just like ortho lo works great for me but might be awful for another woman. we're all different. and sometimes it takes a lot of trial and error to find the right pill for you. or who knows, maybe you'll decide the pill isn't right for you and decide on the ring or an implant or an iud whenever you decide that birth control is the right thing for you.

Thanks for your advice. To clarify though, I am more than ready for the responsibilities. Of course, if I could go back I would've done a few things differently, but I have learned from them.

I understand that BC is NOT 100%. And I definitely know that if I was on BC, using a condom, AND pulling out, even that is not 100%.

So no worries there... However, the only reason I asked about the medication interfering with the BC is because I've researched BC and saw that some medications can make the pill less effective... However, I don't take any medications, never have, but if I ever do, I will of course research to see whether the medication effects the BC. I was in no way implying that I would choose BC over medication, of course I would take the medication. I was only implying that for instance if I was prescribed medication and my mom told me to take it right there on the spot, while she still was unaware that was was on some form of BC, I'd have to tell her on the spot that I was.. That's all that I meant.

But you are right! BC and other forms of BC are different for everyone!

Thank you again!

justcurious55 · Apr 9, 2010, 11:31 AM

OK. That's reassuring. I was worried we had another teen thinking the pill made it impossible for them to get pregnant. I'm still curious what medications. My dr and pharmacist have assured me that any of the medications I have been prescribed won't interfere with my because, except for when I have to take antibiotics. But its always good to hear what others have read as well.

nikiangela · Apr 9, 2010, 01:31 PM

Originally Posted by justcurious55

ok. that's reassuring. i was worried we had another teen thinking the pill made it impossible for them to get pregnant. i'm still curious what medications. my dr and pharmacist have assured me that any of the medications i have been prescribed won't interfere with my bc, except for when i have to take antibiotics. but its always good to hear what others have read as well.

Lol, well I guess you wouldn't know, but I'm not like 'most' teens my age... Mature-wise. My boyfriend thinks we have nothing to worry about when I go on the pill, but I know better than that!

J_9 · Apr 9, 2010, 01:41 PM

Originally Posted by nikiangela

P.S. ALSO any ladies on Ortho Tri Cyclen? (NOT Ortho Tri Cyclen Lo) Have you gotten pregnant, and how is the pill working for you?

Yes, I was on it. I have two sons. Yes, I got pregnant twice. The pill did not work for me, nor did any other form of birth control. I now have 4 children and have had my tubes tied.

melissafay · Apr 9, 2010, 01:49 PM

You should get married when you turn 18 then you won't have to worry about it!but before then you should just stop having sex!

justcurious55 · Apr 9, 2010, 02:07 PM

Originally Posted by melissafay

you should get married when you turn 18 then you wont have to worry about it!but b4 then you should just stop having sex!!

That is such awful advice I was tempted to give you a reddie. The OP is concerned with preventing pregnancy and whether to involve her mother in her decision for birth control options. How does getting married when she turns 18 change anything? She would still likely want her mother to support her marriage. She still might not be comfortable with talking to her mother about birth control. And if she doesn't want a child right now, she probably won't a month from now either. So if she got married at 18, it seems like she'd have much more to worry about. And yeah, not having sex is a sure way to avoid pregnancy and not have a need for birth control, but she's nearly an adult. I don't see her stopping having sex right now as likely. I know I wouldn't.

nikiangela · Apr 9, 2010, 07:42 PM

Lol, you're right. I have no intentions of stopping, but only to be more cautious. However, I do plan on marrying my boyfriend, but that's a couple years down the road.. I of course want to live with him first to see how well we get along living together under one roof.
But even then, I will still want to prevent pregnancy, because with my future plans, getting pregnant would definitely slow me down.

See the thing about birth control is, for some people it works amazingly, and others it doesn't work at all. It's scary to think you have to find out which way your body reacts one way or another.
For now, I'm thinking I will wait about a month or two, before I talk to my mom. I just have to plan the timing right, and in the mean time I will ALWAYS use condoms.. Totally learned my lesson from my recent scare!
However, I know of course, nothing is 100% ; but I'm sure plenty of people have used just condoms and been just fine who are fertile, because they were careful! Right?

nikiangela · Apr 15, 2010, 05:04 PM

By the way, thank you for your advice. My mom and I have talked about it. So thanks again!

Fr_Chuck · Apr 15, 2010, 05:39 PM

Use pills ( remember not effective for 30 days normally and must be taken properly

Alty · Apr 15, 2010, 06:09 PM

Originally Posted by nikiangela

By the way, thank you for your advice. My mom and I have talked about it. So thanks again!

I'm so glad you talked to your mom about it. I know it's a hard conversation to have, I'm sure it wasn't easy for you or for her, but you did the right thing.

Just remember that no form of birth control is 100%, even if you double up. So you have to be prepared for an unwanted pregnancy if this is what you want to do. I can't judge, I had sex when I was a teen too, but at least be aware that there's always a possibility of pregnancy.

JudyKayTee · Apr 15, 2010, 07:49 PM

You should look at EVERY sexual partner as the father of your prospective child - because mistakes happen.

nikiangela · Apr 16, 2010, 11:25 AM

Exactly. Well I have only had 1 sexual partner, and it's the one I have right now. I know how careful to be now... I wish I had this knowledge when we first started, because when I think back now, there were so many times I could have been pregnant! Well, I care about him a lot, and he cares about me, and he always says, if I do get pregnant, we chose to take the risk and he wants my kids anyway... but of course I would MUCH rather have children when I'm settled down with my own home, and career, and when I am ready to start a family, not a surprise that will altar my whole life and make it harder for everyone.
Thanks for all the answers...
And, it came up in conversation because my mom wasn't happy about me having a boyfriend right now, even though I'm almost 18, because she doesn't want me to screw up my education... And she brought up the sex part.

JudyKayTee · Apr 16, 2010, 11:53 AM

It sounds like you and your mother are able to discuss "sensitive" topics and that she hears what you are saying - that's a gift!

Thanks for letting "us" know how it worked out.

nikiangela · Apr 16, 2010, 11:57 AM

Lol, well somewhat. She likes to think of all the negatives first, blow up at me, and then maybe talk about it... I still have to word everything right and make sure she's in a good mood before I try to bring anything up. Honestly, I don't tell my mom too much, because she just gets mad, and if it's not 'her belief' or 'her way' it's the wrong way. But I am happy that I was able to talk to her about this.

And thank you for being here for me! I really do appreciaite it!

Alty · Apr 16, 2010, 03:04 PM

Originally Posted by nikiangela

Lol, well somewhat. She likes to think of all the negatives first, blow up at me, and then maybe talk about it...I still have to word everything right and make sure she's in a good mood before i try to bring anything up. Honestly, I don't tell my mom too much, because she just gets mad, and if it's not 'her belief' or 'her way' it's the wrong way. But I am happy that I was able to talk to her about this.

And thank you for being here for me! I really do appreciaite it!

Yup, sounds like a human mom to me. Until I had children I didn't really see my moms point of view. Now all I can think of is protecting those two precious lives that I was lucky enough to have in my life.

One thing you're realize sooner or later is that mom is human too. Mom made mistakes, still does. Mom worries because mom has done some of the things you're thinking of doing and knows the dangers. Moms just really want to spare their kids of learning things the hard way.

I'm glad you had the talk with her. Next time you're in a position to discuss something sensitive with her, just remember that she's human too, and loves you so much that it sometimes physically hurts, because she really only wants the best for you. She'd die for you. That's the truth. :)