[riceinbowl]

I've been dating a girl (ex) for the past 2 years. But several months ago, she left for another country (though she didn't want to) so decided to end our relationship.

Unsurprisingly, I was devastated. I fell in love with this girl since I was 13 (I am now 23). I still love her with every fibre of my heart, and I know I always will; even though we may never see each other again.

Recently, I've started seeing a new girl. She's a really sweet girl and all. And she wants to move to a more intimate relationship. But every time we initiate any sort of sexual activity, I am aroused and all at the start; but eventually, I just keep thinking about my ex.. and well... I can only offer to stimulate her via other means.

We've talked about this together (my girl and I). And she said she understands and that she'll wait until I'm ready. Don't get me wrong, its not that I don't have a sex drive; because my ex and I were fairly active.

I know its really unfair for her that I am not whole heartedly connect to her. And its driving my confidence to the ground. There's probably little advice to give. But Im hopeful, and I feel that its healthy to express the way I feel rather than bottling it up.

Thanks for your time people. Really appreciate it.

[hheath541]

You're not over your ex, yet. This girl is a rebound, even if you do truly care about her. Until you get over your ex, you won't be able to commit to another girl, and may not be able to stay aroused long enough to have intercourse.

[Enigma1999]

Hello Rice,

I must say that your girlfriend seems to be very understanding... The fact that you two have talked about your feelings and she is will to not only wait till you are ready, but still stay with you after knowing that, wow, good girlfriend there.

To make things fair for your girlfriend, I think maybe you aren't ready for a commitment with her just yet. Not saying ever, perhaps not now in your life. Maybe you're not ready mentally.

I applaud you though, for being honest with your girlfriend.

If you are not ready yet, then I wouldn't waste your girlfriends time, unless you are completely over this other girl. There is nothing worse then being with someone who still cares/thinks about another...

Does that make sense?

[riceinbowl]

Thanks for the swift response people.

I complete understand what you guys are saying; and I have seriously thought about ending this relationship.

But a notion that makes me want to continue with it is this:

-After she said she will wait for me, is it unfair for me to shoot her down like this?

-And when I do finally get over my ex, I might feel a much greater sense of appreciation for her than otherwise. And in turn, that would make her happy. Right?

[Enigma1999]

thanks for the swift response people.

I complete understand what you guys are saying; and i have seriously thought about ending this relationship.

But a notion that makes me want to continue with it is this:

-After she said she will wait for me, is it unfair for me to shoot her down like this?

-And when i do finally get over my ex, i might feel a much greater sense of appreciation for her than otherwise. And in turn, that would make her happy. right?

Well would it be fair to string her along knowing that you are not quite over your last GF?

Yes, that may be true, however, it could take you a while to get over your last GF, and THAT won't make her happy.

See what I mean?

[riceinbowl]

Yeah I see what you mean.

I guess before I do anything drastic, I'd just like to know if this is a normal problem; that is, for a GUY to not be able to have sex because he can't get over he's ex. OR because he does not Truly love his current partner.

I ask this, because I am under the impression (either through friends or media) that guys can sleep with anybody regardless of whether there's emotions there or not. Like as if sex is an instictive thing. And I don't mean this is any derrogatory way.

[talaniman]

It could be both, and more than likely it affects your focus. Lose focus, or become distracted bye bye erection. You could be a guy that has to be connected on a certain level, and can't get that connection without thinking of the ex.

10 years is a lot of forgetting to do. Or a lot of holding on Time to let go.

[hheath541]

It could be both, and more than likely it affects your focus. Lose focus, or become distracted bye bye erection. You could be a guy that has to be connected on a certain level, and can't get that connection without thinking of the ex.

10 years is a lot of forgetting to do. Or a lot of holding on Time to let go.

Exactly. And he's only given himself a few months to do so.

I was in a relationship for not even a year. It ended about a year and a half ago. I'm just NOW starting to really get over it.

Moving on takes time. He's VERY lucky he has a girlfriend who's willing to stick by him while he takes that time.

[talaniman]

I just worry that when a patient heals they no longer need the caregiver. That happens a lot, but after 10 years... maybe she is just what you need so focus on other parts of the relationship, and have fun while you get a chance to see who she really is, as you might just be surprised once you get to know her well, without the distraction of LUST.

Many men simply have a very low LUST level, and have to know someone very well to be comfortable.

[Jake2008]

Had to spread the rep Tal, but I agree with you.

Allow the relationship to take its natural course, and learn all you can about this girl in the meantime.

She sounds like a keeper to me, and you sound like a very sensitive and caring person.

Take the pressure off yourself and enjoy eachothers company.

It would be a shame to let her go if she wants to stay, and who knows what will happen down the road.

You may regret letting this one go.