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executionist · Apr 8, 2010, 01:40 PM

About 6 months back I met this girl at a party and we had a nice chat about different topics, I really liked her so we exchanged numbers.

Now we have been talking for the last 6 months and have developed a great friendship, but I don't want to be friends with her forever, whenever I talk about taking the relationship to the next level she says that she is not ready.

The reason for that as she says is that she was in a dysfunctional relationship for the last 5 years, the guy never trusted her and would always accuse her of cheating, but on the verge of their breakup he would apologize and say that he was wrong, then the cycle continued again and again until finally she had enough and ended the relationship.

I constantly tell her that things are not going to be the same with me, and that everything is going to be different and much better but she still insists that she is not ready for a romantic relationship and also that she is unsure if she can "EVER" be in one again as according to her "she is over all this crap".

This is really hurting me, I really like this girl and sometimes think that she might be the one for me, but her attitude is killing me, I just don't know what to do.

I just don't know what to do here, do I continue to pretend to be friends with her? I have thought several times just to tell her that this is over and I cannot do this anymore but instatly think about how much I like her and that there may be hope in the future.

Advice Please.

Panther Forest · Apr 8, 2010, 02:23 PM

Hi there,

Have you ever been in that situation before? If not, trying imagining yourself in her shoes. She was not in a 5 month relationship but instead 5 years. That's a long time and you don't expect someone to get back on the saddle right away. You need to give a person more time and space. Just be there and things will fall to place. It may take some time but seems like you are really into her so hey take that chance. Keep reading the signs she give s you too. That can tell you a lot. Invest in some time with her but again give yourself a time frame and be realistic about it. These things cannot be rushed. Stop telling her you are not going to be like that guy. You are reminding her off him. Just be yourself. Hope this helps. - Panther Forest

talaniman · Apr 8, 2010, 04:17 PM

If you cannot understand why she is not ready for what you want, then you're ignoring the fact that she needs to heal from a 5 year bad experience. If you can't let her, well that in itself will doom any chance you have of proving you're different than the guy she just left.

Accept she is not ready, accept she is looking for romance with you, and enjoy the friendship, and balance your life with other things you enjoy besides her. There are more options than just her being your girlfriend. Its you who has to make up your mind to stop hoping for romance, and a silly title.

Homegirl 50 · Apr 8, 2010, 05:30 PM

You need to respect her circumstance. She has been open and honest with you.
If she is not ready, you have two choices. Give her the time she needs and allow the relationship to grow, be a better man or leave now.
She should not have to do anything she is not ready for just because you are ready. 6 months is really not a long time.
If you feel she is worth it, grow up and wait.

executionist · Apr 9, 2010, 09:55 AM

Originally Posted by Panther Forest

Have you ever been in that situation before?

Stop telling her you are not gonna be like that guy. You are reminding her off him. Just be yourself. Hope this helps. - Panther Forest

In fact I was in a similar situation, that was a long time ago, I can relate to that somewhat.

You are right, I need to stop talking about him, but from what I have understood is that she still misses him a lot, but does not want to get back with him, she once told me that she wished that her ex was more like me.

Originally Posted by talaniman

you're ignoring the fact that she needs to heal from a 5 year bad experience

I agree, I have decided to give her time and space to heal.

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

If you feel she is worth it, grow up and wait.

I do think she is worth it, I will wait and see how this goes.

I wish · Apr 9, 2010, 10:47 AM

She already knows how you feel about her, so the ball is on her side of the court.

If she made it clear that she's not ready, then give her time and space. She will look for you when she's ready.

Remember, the ball is on her side of the court, if she wanted something to happen, she will find you.

In the meantime, go do your own thing. Don't just sit by the phone waiting for her to call you.