[Shadowburn]

That's something that's been thrown around a lot... you hear it over and over, that relationship takes hard work or else it will fall apart. What is it? Why does it have to be hard? Why does it have to be work at all? We all know when we have that connection with someone, it's light and easy and you're comfortable with each other and feel like you've known each other for ages. Or when you have that undeniable chemistry with someone - what's a hard work about? Yes, raising kids and making living and paying bills is a hard work. But relationship? In my humble opinion, if it requires too much work, than it's not a right relationship. If it's too hard to keep it alive, maybe it's better just to let it die...
Your thoughts?

[Synnen]

Ever have a garden?

In order to have healthy crops, and beautiful flowers--you need to hoe, and plant and weed, and fertilize, and water, and make sure the insects don't infest.

If you enjoy your garden, it's not HORRIBLE to do---but you still need to "work" on your garden.

Same things with relationships. You need to put the work into the relationship, and devote TIME to the relationship and making it work. That doesn't mean you can't ENJOY it--but you still need to put in the work.

[Romefalls19]

Because think about it, every relationship you will ever have will have rough spots and require effort to resolve them. So now, you are going to be combining two different personalities and two different ideals, which is going to bring about conflict, which then will require work to resolve them. It's hard work because you have more than normal feelings involved than with your typical relationship.

[Cat1864]

But relationship? In my humble opinion, if it requires too much work, than it's not a right relationship. If it's too hard to keep it alive, maybe it's better just to let it die...
Your thoughts?

This exemplifies the problems that I see in many relationships. People think they have found their soul mate and that is all that is needed to have a good and lasting relationship. They buy into the 'Fairytale Ending' and expect to live 'Happily Ever After'. They don't think they have to put any effort into keeping the relationship strong and healthy. They tend to believe that just because Cinderella and Prince Charming didn't have to work at keeping their relationship going strong they shouldn't either.

What they don't want to face is that Fairy tales are not real life. Real people have needs that characters in stories don't. Often because of work, school, family life, etc. one person may not be as invested in the relationship as the other person. People in long term relationships tend to expect the other person to be there no matter what happens. The other person tends to start feeling taken for granted. Does that mean that there isn't any love there or that the relationship needs a little work and attention to detail?

Do you really think that you should allow a relationship to fade out/die just because it may take a little more work to keep it going when one person has a death in the family and is in mourning? How about during the physical, mental, and emotional changes that a pregnancy brings (some of those changes never go away and that is not including an addition to the family)? Depression over losing a job makes a person turn inward, kick them to the curb? Those are just a few trials that a relationship has to go through.

I have been with the person that some would call my 'soul mate' for 25 years. We have been married for 24 years. It has lasted this long because both of us work very hard at keeping the love and relationship alive and well. I have seen what happens when people think they don't have to work at it. It makes me treasure what I have and the work I put into it even more.

[notsogreat]

Love is all roses and happy songs when you first meet someone. You are trying to figure out who the other person, and its almost like a dream.
Then as time passes, reality of the world sets in, there are bad things that happen in life, and communication and trust are key elements in relationships. You have to work hard to make sure you are in a healthy, happy relationship. Otherwise, like me you get out of one after ten years, and feel bitter and used, and chalk it up to a waste of time.
Two people have to be on the same page, otherwise it will never work. In my case, I was working hard, and he was just not.

[Homegirl 50]

You need to work at it because while you may be in love with each other, both of you change, you grow. Life changes you, you become parents you get jobs, lose loved ones, have life difficulties. All of those things affect you and therefore affect your relationship.
Life is not a happily ever after fairy tale.