[TheKyuubi]

I been dating him for 11 months now and things where great in the frist 2 months. He would come over,smile at me, hold my hand.Ect. But the past few months he told my dear friend that he just didn't want to be a free man. The thing is he and I are pregnant, and he says he will be there but he won't even call me when he promises or pick up the phone when I call him. I am scared that he is just using me now and when I really need someone he hasn't been there since we found out. What do I do? Please help:(

[Larken85]

If he hasn't been there for you since you found out you were pregnant. Then its time to start thinking about taking care of yourself and getting into a position where a family member can help if need be.

Of course then again how far along are you? Your hormones could be playing tricks on your mind. (NOT CALLING YOU CRAZY) Its hard, but try and step out of your body and the relationship and take a look at it as an outsider with a non-bias opinion.

Also the guy might have to have a little time to adjust to the new bombshell in his life. You have a young relationship after all.

[TheKyuubi]

I am about 6 weeks now. He said to me that he will be there for both of us. I just don't know anymore he tells me one thing and turns around telling some else another.

I took it as a shock too and still trying to get used to the fact I am pregnant. But I also looked at the fact that I need to be there for the child as it is still unborn and needs me. His frist thing said was "is it mine" That hurt.

[Larken85]

Oh I bet that hurt. How old are you? You say you are young.

Young men sometimes have a very hard time settling down. This may be much more of a resopnsibility than he wanted when he decided to jump into bed with you. (Its called use a RUBBER jerk!) but now its too late to scold. Too late to say that if you do not want to get pregnant then do not have sex. Oh well on that one.
If he isn't going to be there for you then you need your family. That's all there is to it.

[jmjoseph]

" Is it mine"??

Guys like him make the rest of us "normal" men seem even better.

How old are you both please?

[TheKyuubi]

We both are 17 and we are just about ready to leave high school within May.

Even when I tried to talk to him about the child he got all mad and went to play call of duty.

I am not asking Much of him all I want for him is to be there and he can't even do that.Heck my best friend has been there more than he is.

[talaniman]

Have you told your parents yet? Look, I can understand being in a life changing fix, but lets get real, as your both young figuring out what to do, and that takes some talking, and planning. For your part you better define what being there for you is, as I can bet that's a foreign language to him, and he is scared, and may not have the same support that you do.

You two need to talk is all, and be clear about what to do, and what you want done. So don't panic, as maybe he isn't the stand up guy to be counted on, and that something that has to be dealt with. So what do the parents say, since they will be the ones doing whatever it takes for the child, and guiding you through this.

[I wish]

You're both going to grow up in a hurry.

You can't blame him for what he doesn't know. You're both obviously very young and have much to learn, especially him.

Therefore, you need to be clear to him what you want and need. Then the ball will be on his side of the court to see if he can respect your wishes. You can't expect him to magically know what you want and need.

[Larken85]

Tal is right. But I just got to comment on what you said dear. He got mad and went to play call of duty? Omg he is way to immature for this. I hope he really steps it up.

[roxypox]

Wow, 17... I'm kind of glad that you told us your age, because it really makes a difference.

I too am wondering about the same questions Tal asked!

Does your parents know? If they don't I think you need to tell them. 1st of all the both of you are very young and you really need to come up with a plan and talk with both your parents and with him.

I do sympathies with the "Is it mine??" Cause that is a hurtful thing to say... and if you are going to carry out the pregnant and keep the baby than you really need to know if he is on board or not... but at the same time he might just need sometime to adjust to this news... having a baby (particuallry at such a young age) it might be hard for him to fanthom this new and life althering reality

Of course I.'m not saying that he should get years worth of time to adjust...

Best of luck!!

[TheKyuubi]

We are going to tell them soon. We really we are. And I just don't expect him to grow up asap. I talked to him before and all I was given was the same thing "It will be okay." I ask him how is he handling this "None of that matters" I know for a fact I am scared but what about him?

I mean I am not wanting him to leave his Friends for me every time I need something. I know he needs time to adjust to this as well as I do.

Today for showing, he came up to me and hugged me asking me how I was doing and what not, As soon as his best guy friend popped up I was shoven to the side while they talked about Call of Duty.

I really want to tell our mom's about the baby. But he doesn't. Maybe I am asking too much already and Need to slow down.

[Larken85]

Slow down? No no no, he needs to speed up. Soon they will notice you getting fatter! Very soon they will notice. You could get very big very fast with your first pregnant. You got to tell them asap. It may be hard on them but it will be so so much harder if you hide it from them.

Get your parents involved now. I'm telling you that if you don't you will live to regret it. He needs to step it and be a freakin man. Quit playing kids games and go get a job.

[TheKyuubi]

I really am scared to tell my mom she will kill me. I know I made a mistake and I never meant for this to happen but what happened Happened and there isn't much I can do about it now. I will take care of it.

I did get him to look for one and he may get this job. He is filling out a tax thing so his odds look good.

And I think once we tell his mom she will kick him to be a man if not her one of his sisters will.

Also I told myself that no matter what my mom says that I will care for this I will not abort it.

[jmjoseph]

I really am scared to tell my mom she will kill me. I know I made a mistake and I never ment for this to happen but what happened Happend and there isnt much i can do bout it now. I will take care of it.

I did get him to look for one and he may get this job. He is filling out a tax thing so his odds look good.

And I think once we tell his mom she will kick him to be a man if not her one of his sisters will.

Also I told myself that no matter what my mom says that I will care for this I will not abort it.

You need the support of both families. You probably cannot "take care of it" like you think. This is a huge responsibility for two adults with jobs and a household. It's going to be even harder for a couple of teenagers.

He is 17. He is probably less mature than you. Sure he is scared too. He has second thoughts, and probably does wish that he wasn't in this "jam". If he says that he will "be there for you", you make him keep his word. This is a shared responsibility. If you two are going to have sex like adults, then you both are going to have to start behaving like adults. The first step is to tell your parents. Get that over with. Listen to the yelling and crying, and make plans on having a HEALTHY baby.

This is not going to be easy. Take all the help that you can get, and listen to input from other mothers.

May God bless you all.

[TheKyuubi]

I will take that to mind. We are wanting to tell both of our Mothers at the same time so we can get it out of the way.

I thank you guys for taking the time to talk to me about this. This has helped me.

We know it is going to be hard we are thinking about putting the child up for adoption so they can be placed in a loving family and will be able to get everything they need.

That's another thing I need to look for. I guess one step at a time right?

[Jake2008]

I applaud you, and respect you so much more for even considering putting the child up for adoption. That is a very brave and selfless thing to do. Truly, your heart is in the right place.

As has been said, two working parents struggle to provide for a baby. Bringing a child into this world under the best of circumstances, is a life altering, drastic change, that lasts a lifetime.

I hope that you speak to your mother and/or father now that you know for sure you are pregnant. While spaghetti may hit the fan for a couple of days, everything will settle down to the business of deciding what to do.

Above all, considering adoption really shows that you want the best possible upbringing for this baby, and also shows that you are clearly thinking about your options.

As to your boyfriend, no one can judge how he will be, or what he will do as time, and the pregnancy move forward. I think it's safe to say that fear is playing a big part in this right now.

You are right. One step at a time. All the best of luck to you. Please post and let us all know how things are going.

[Larken85]

Adoption... keep it... these are your options. Both hard choices. Both adminable. Keep in mind your choice is forever. Understand that once that child is not yours, it is not yours anymore. Remember that if that child remains yours, then its life is in your hands. Just make sure you know what you're doing before you do it. This is no time to make mistakes.

[TheKyuubi]

I really do want the best for the child. Also the pain of giving it up and even the thought of it is ripping my heart up into little bits.

I really hope that in time he will warm up and help me with the hard stuff when we are going through this.

We are thinking about telling them After our last band concert for school which is in one week. That will give us some time to think about what to say.


I thank you guys again and I will post updates.

[Homegirl 50]

You need to tell your parents and you need to be getting prenatal care.
Your boyfriend is acting like a 17 year old boy that has found out he's going to be a father. As you begin to show, he will get his act together.
You are going to need more support than you think you need from him. You are going to need the support of your family and any outside sources especially if you put the baby up for adoption.
You think it is scary and hard now, wait until the baby comes and you two are trying to figure out how you are going to care for this child.
I wish you well in whatever you decide to do

[mleechamb]

You are too young to have a child. Do you know the responsibility that comes with having a baby. Please get an education first so if the father decides to walk out you can support you and your child.