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317Music · Apr 5, 2010, 08:09 PM

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My girlfriend of 1 1/2 years said she needed space two weeks ago. We're both 19 and in college.(About 45 min apart). We see each other every weekend and sometimes during the week. It was the result of a minor argument of me being jealous that she was spending time with her friends and not calling me. In the past I have had trust issues with her and she really hasn't given me any reason not to trust her. They've mostly been because of my insecurities and tendency to over analyze situations. I can honestly admit that she's with me so much that she never really had much time for her friends/social activities at school. So after our little fight she said that she need's some space and of course I did the idiot move and begged and whined and what not. Over the course of the two weeks we've talked just about everyday and our conversations usually ended with me bringing up her space and us arguing again. This past weekend (Easter) she came home from college which is only 45 min away and that Friday she said she wanted to get back together. (It's been a lot of confusion) We spent the whole Saturday together and went back to her house that evening and watched t.v. I had gotten upset because I felt that I wasn't getting the same affection level that I was used too. We ended up arguing and then her feelings came out. She said that she loves me very much and that I was her future. Also, she swore up and down that there was no other guy in the picture whatsoever. We both cried together because we were confused (another idiot move). She then told me that because we had gotten so serious (marriage talk) that she was a kind of nervous. I reassured her that I love her and that we are supposed to be together. I then told her that I would respect her wishes and give her the space she asked for. And she said that she just needed some space these last few weeks of the semester to be with her friends and to enjoy her college experience for while (no constant hanging out and phone calls), but said that she still wanted to be committed and that she didn't want me to date or be with anyone else and vice versa. She said that once school is out that everything will go back to normal and that she wants to be with me for the rest of her life she just wants to enjoy a little freedom for the rest of the semester and focus on friends and getting her school stuff together. She also said that she still wants to be my girlfriend and everything just somewhat on a "cool down". I am going to Louisville this weekend and she wants to come with me and stay overnight. Should I do it or not? And should I answer her calls and texts. Please help somebody because I'm hoping that maybe I have a girlfriend who is actually different from the rest!!

emopunk7 · Apr 5, 2010, 09:40 PM

I'm afraid she is no different. You notice your mistakes so it's time to fix that as you do your own thing. When she wants to contact you then you can decide but right now you must focus on yourself and learn to be cool and busy by yourself or the two of you wouldn't do any better.

You have pushed her away even when you knew you shouldn't have been smothering her. On the other hand, you may have been smothering and acting clingy because deep down you already felt that she was going away. That's an instinct you should listen to. Instead of acting jealous and clingy, you should've kept dignity from that point and let her do the calling and contacting. It would've been your best bet because smothering just makes you look insecure and pushes her away. Either way, you notice she was drifting away. So you should remove yourself from her ASAP and do your thing. Learn from this to not act on emotions and instead pay attention and when you notice a girl drift away, then so be it and start doing your own thing. Sounds strange but it's better than smothering and pushing her further away. I learned that it's all about how we deal with our feelings and emotions. Always think prior to acting. Your best bet is to move on. You'd be proud of yourself in the future and possibly a lot happier with a better you and a better partner. Good luck!

317Music · Apr 5, 2010, 10:41 PM

She called me tonight and when I wanted to get off the phone she asked why and I told her I was giving her what she wanted and she seemed kind of upset. Also she told me she wanted me to have her Facebook password and everything if that means anything. It's so hard to move on when she's still giving me signals and what not.

Showme_urmove · Apr 5, 2010, 11:32 PM

She wants her freedom but she still wants you on the side. Meaning she wants to do things like single people do but she doesn't want to lose you. This girl is a joke bro, why would you want to be with someone that can't be your girlfriend. She's scared to lose a kind of guy like you, so she puts you on the side. But what if she finds someone better, what happens with you? She will kick you to the curve and ignore you. She's not thing about the relationhsip
If you don't want to lose her just see what happens, distance yourself and do your own thing.

If someone loves you, they will do everything to make you happy, do everything to fix the problem in the relationship, they will have your back and change for the future. But right now she is changing for her not for for the relationship.

and she said that she just needed some space these last few weeks of the semester to be with her friends and to enjoy her college experience for while (no constant hanging out and phone calls), but said that she still wanted to be committed and that she didn't want me to date or be with anyone else and vice versa.

like I said she wants her freedom of being single but she doesn't want to lose you, she is very selfish and just think about her own happiness and not about yours. DISTANCE YOURSELF and give her what she wants, and you do what you have to do, start moving on and find someone that can treat you like a BF.

amicon · Apr 6, 2010, 03:06 AM

Let her have her space and meanwhile keep yourself busy doing your own thing.

If the relationship is right,people can have a relationship and a normal social life that doesn't include the partner all the time.

317Music · Apr 6, 2010, 04:55 AM

Thanks guys. I think I'm going to disappear from her life for a while, no contact. I'm pretty sure she'll come around. Then again, maybe she won't. I'm going to start trying to meet new girls and make new friends. Thanks again!

talaniman · Apr 6, 2010, 06:03 AM

Seems your girl is honest, and you are not. She asks for space to enjoy herself more, and that could have easily been handled by working together to establish exactly what she means, and how to go about it. Why take it as a rejection, when input and compromise, would have given you both what you wanted?

I don't think she is sending mixed signals at all, it's the way you have reacted that's mixed. I think its pretty immature, and needy to think its all your way, and none of hers, and that's not how you give someone space at all, that is however something to break up over.

I would just cut down on the phone calls, and have other plans, so she can have time for herself, I mean I think she was as straight, and honest, as you can get with a partner.

She called me tonight and when I wanted to get off the phone she asked why and I told her I was giving her what she wanted and she seemed kind of upset.

That was the immature I was talking about.

317Music · Apr 6, 2010, 06:53 AM

@ Talaniman: Do you think I may have ruined this one completely? She called me again wondering if we were still going out of town this weekend and I told her I would let her know in a couple of days. What would be your advice regarding that situation? I don't know whether I am holding on to false hope or not. I asked a couple of my female friends and my mother for advice and they told me to just go NC for a while (which is what I want to do) and trust that she actually needs space. They even told me that from what's she's telling me she just wants to be alone for a little bit but still be in a committed relationship. Also could I please get some opinions from the ladies? Please and thanks!

talaniman · Apr 6, 2010, 07:07 AM

I can only tell you what I would do and that's clear things up by talking and getting a clear understanding of what she really means, and then I would know for sure what she wants, and if I can give it to her or not as its very clear from what you wrote its not a break up, but a vacation of sorts, and that's not a bad thing.

I think the way she phrased it was what's throwing you off, as you take it as rejection. That may not be the case and I doubt it is.

That's the whole point of talking AND listening, to be clear with each other. Now by your own actions, she thinks your dumping her.

A clear lack of getting facts because feelings are in the way.

317Music · Apr 6, 2010, 10:56 AM

Threads merged and edited

I am going to Louisville this weekend and she wants to come with me and stay overnight. Should I do it or not? And should I answer her calls and texts. Please help somebody because I'm hoping that maybe I have a girlfriend who is actually different from the rest!!

317Music · Apr 6, 2010, 04:54 PM

UPDATE: So we talked on the phone and she said that she wants to be with me. She just said that she want's a "cool down" for the remainder of the school year. She got upset when I brought up dating other people because she said there is no other guy involved and that she is still committed to me. She said that we would still hang out and talk on the phone like normal just not as much. She also wants to go out of town with me. Today I have ignored all her calls. Should I talk to her like normal or go no contact? Also, should I take her out of town with me or would that be foolish on my part? Help me out!

talaniman · Apr 6, 2010, 09:21 PM

Why would you ignore her calls, when its clarity through communications is what's needed? Is she on punishment? Or are you trying to make her eat her words about having space?

317Music · Apr 11, 2010, 09:38 PM

Well she called me today and told me that she wanted me back, I'm still thinking on it but I'll probably get back with her, I mean I'm nuts about the girl. I went out of town this weekend with just my guys and had a blast not worrying about her or anything else. Just what I needed. But thanks for all the help!