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toxiccc · Apr 1, 2010, 12:29 PM

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years and for the first year I was OK with sex. We were madly in love and his issues with premature ejaculation didn't bother me a lot since the chemistry was crazy. He improved his technique a lot, still not perfect of course, but I could see he was trying. He didn't sleep with a lot of girls before me and he hadn't had long term relationships so he was inexperienced. I don't know how the years passed by but I somehow tried to enjoy sex as much as I could and show tolerance towards him. He is a good lover really but he just can't last long. We have to stop every now and then. In three years with him I have never had an orgasm from sex. It's impossible. When I finally start to enjoy he lasts for a few seconds and he has to stop and then like that again and again. We spent some time long distance and his problem got worse since he didn’t get to practice or have sex.

Sex is not boring, but he can't give me what he wants and I don't get what I want. We do love each other so we did talk about it openly but we don't know what to do with this problem.
What is worrying me more is that I lost my sex drive almost completely probably because of this. I approached sex a long time like an obligation. I was enjoying it, but not enough, and the ultimate pleasure was out for me. He of course orgasms every time. He feels a bit guilty and frustrated, I feel guilty for complaining because I am suffering too but in a different way.
He tried and does exercises but the problem is always somehow there.

I don't know how to get my sex drive back. I find him attractive and I love sex but I don't love it with him enough to ask for it and want it. My body is reacting and shooting down. I can't pressure myself and I don't want to fake it, but we're quite sad we have sex once a month for the past few months due to this. He wants it, I’m just not horny and I don't want to since I know how it's going to be. We’re in our late twenties. I hope you understand me.
Please help us somehow, thank you.

Larken85 · Apr 1, 2010, 11:28 PM

OK I got you. Have him go see his family doctor and suggest Prozac. It is sometimes use to cure premature ejaculation. I am on prozac now. Not for the same problem (I have depression) but the fact still remains that it sucked for me. The reason I say this is simple. I took long enough as it was to orgasm, with the prozac it took me 4 times longer and sometimes I just could not get there at all. The last time we tried my fiancé told me to stop because she was getting sore (1.5hours into it).
So lasting longer shouldn't be much of a problem if you don't mind going from one extreme to another lol. Just kidding. Really he would probably just last like a normal man instead of premature or super long.

I am currently on both prozac and Welbutrin. Prozac and Welbutrin both fight depression but the reason I was prescribed welbutrin is due to the sexual side effect of the prozac. I do not have the energy or the time to go for 1.5+ hours every freakin time and I do not want to make her sore either.

Doctors can prescribe all kids of helpful drugs for sexual problems. Just have him give one a visit. But remember too that vaginal orgasms (through penatration) are not easy to give unless you really know exactly what you are doing.

Hope that helped you. Oh, one more suggestion. Have him masterbate a few times a day for a little while and use a lot of pressure. I know you may find it gross (or he may) but it is healthy and on top of that you could avoid the whole doctor thing totally. That is if it is about the sensation for him. If it is just the thought of it then the pills would be the best option as it is an anxiety thing.

Have a good day and better luck in bed ;)

jmjoseph · Apr 2, 2010, 01:27 AM

Originally Posted by Larken85

ok I got ya. Have him go see his family doctor and suggest Prozac. It is sometimes use to cure premature ejaculation. As a matter of fact I am on prozac now. Not for the same problem (I have depression) but the fact still remains that it sucked for me. The reason I say this is simple. I took long enough as it was to orgasm, with the prozac it took me 4 times longer and sometimes I just could not get there at all. The last time we tried my fiance told me to stop because she was getting sore (1.5hours into it).
So lasting longer shouldn't be much of a problem if you don't mind going from one extreme to another lol. Just kidding. Really he would probably just last like a normal man instead of premature or super long.

I am currently on both prozac and Welbutrin. Prozac and Welbutrin both fight depression but the reason I was prescribed welbutrin is due to the sexual side effect of the prozac. I do not have the energy or the time to go for 1.5+ hours every freakin time and I do not want to make her sore either.

Doctors can prescribe all kids of helpful drugs for sexual problems. Just have him give one a visit. But remember too that vaginal orgasms (through penatration) are not easy to give unless you really know exactly what you are doing.

Hope that helped ya. Oh, one more suggestion. Have him masterbate a few times a day for a little while and use a lot of pressure. I know you may find it gross (or he may) but it is healthy and on top of that you could avoid the whole doctor thing totally. That is if it is about the sensation for him. If it is just the thought of it then the pills would be the best option as it is an anxiety thing.

have a good day and better luck in bed ;)

There are several things about this post that I disagree with, but just simply don't have the time right now to elaborate on.

Prozac for P.E. That's like shaving with a chainsaw.

kp2171 · Apr 2, 2010, 01:37 AM

I know the post is about him, but a few questions...

Can he get you there orally?

Do you ever self stimulate during sex?

Do you assume alternative positions that favor you being in control?

Have you had orgasms with other lovers?

Have you tried to have intercourse after getting him off first (manual? Oral?) and then trying intercourse after a brief time?

J_9 · Apr 2, 2010, 01:55 AM

I agree with JM here. Prozac for PE? Nope. I have my Mosby's Nursing Drug Reference right here and it does not reference use of prozac for premature ejaculation.

Sorry Larken, prior to giving out medical advice you need to have a little more knowledge about how the medications actually work.

Giving a person who is not depressed Prozac for premature ejaculation, or Wellbutrin for that matter can open up a terrible can of worms as side effects.

Prozac should NOT be used for PE and Wellbutrin should NOT be used to counter-act the sexual side effects of antidepressants.

Larken85 · Apr 2, 2010, 02:10 AM

I almost took that personally jm. But I suppose you're not saying that I am wrong, you're calling my doctor wrong. She went to 6 years of medical school and is a full licensed doctor but heck what does she know right?

toxiccc · Apr 2, 2010, 02:13 AM

Thanks for various answers. About the pills, he was using some sort of antipsychotic for his depression and anxiety and all it did was made him feel fatigue and there was no positive affects on our sex life.

He has a very high sex drive, higher than me, not just now when my is practically gone. He would like to have sex a few times a day every day which is a bit too much for me. I used to be for it every or every other day, sometimes I could go three times a day, or a few days without it, depends. Now I feel so silly my lust equals zero. I do masturbate, I just don't want sex. This is really worrying me.

kp2171, he can get me there orally, but I can't compare it with real sex, I need a penetration and oral or together with fingers are almost nothing in comparison with the real thing. Yes, I can come with him from other ways of course. And I used to have vaginal orgasms with former lovers and alone. So I really miss that.
We tried tons of positions, red books about it, and even if I am in control, it still feels too good for him, and we have to stop and stop again and I can't come like that. We usually end sex with me wanting to quit since I'm so irritated by stopping and just don't enjoy it anymore, or he just has to come and can't last no more.
Yes I do self stimulate during sex and I always come like that but I'm tired of having sex like that, after years of doing it, I'm fed up with my hand, lol.
Yes, we tried to have sex after he already had an orgasm, it maybe helped a bit, but not enough to make me come or to avoid stopping.

We really tried almost everything. I have no idea what else can we do. Should he see a doctor? What doctor, he's already seeing a psychotherapist and they discuss everything.

Larken85 · Apr 2, 2010, 02:14 AM

Originally Posted by J_9

I agree with JM here. Prozac for PE? Nope. I have my Mosby's Nursing Drug Reference right here and it does not reference use of prozac for premature ejaculation.

Sorry Larken, prior to giving out medical advice you need to have a little more knowledge about how the medications actually work.

Giving a person who is not depressed Prozac for premature ejaculation, or Wellbutrin for that matter can open up a terrible can of worms as side effects.

Prozac should NOT be used for PE and Wellbutrin should NOT be used to counter-act the sexual side effects of antidepressants.

Sorry about what your website says or whatever it is you are using, but this comes strait from the doctor's mouth. Doctors know what they are talking about most of the time and I am a living breathing proof for you so you really can't dispute it. If you need the doctor's information I suggest looking her up on a website that I could pm you. Just drop me a line and let me know you'd like to talk to her. Thanks for your input though. ;)

Larken85 · Apr 2, 2010, 02:19 AM

Originally Posted by toxiccc

We really tried almost everything. I have no idea what else can we do. Should he see a doctor? What doctor, he's already seeing a psychotherapist and they discuss everything.

Yes you should see a doctor. Sorry but when all else fails it is time to see a doctor. A psychotherapist may not be the answer, of course then again it may. The problem sounds physical though, not psychological to me. I could not be sure of that but that is my opinion. Your family doctor can suggest great doctors that specialize in sexual issues.

toxiccc · Apr 2, 2010, 02:27 AM

Sorry, I can't comment anymore, it says ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Larken85 again.
Anyway, he also thinks it's physical, and that he's just too sensitive. So we'll see what can be done and hopefully see someone and figure it all out.

Larken85 · Apr 2, 2010, 02:32 AM

I really hope it works out for you. I know how hard it is to starve for sexual pleasure. BELIEVE ME. I went 9 months with absolutely no sex and I had a fiancé. It is horrible and I'm a guy. I can do the job mayself. But there is just something about a woman, that you can't give yourself.

J_9 · Apr 2, 2010, 03:25 AM

Originally Posted by Larken85

sorry about what your website says or whatever it is you are using,

Sweetheart, it wasn't a website or whatever. It is the Drug Reference Book I use here at the hospital when I have to check up on a medication that the doctor orders. I did go to school for 4 years to be able to double check the medications and orders doctors prescribe. Yes, I am a full fledged Registered Nurse.

Your doctor may have prescribed that for you, but without knowing a person's complete medical background it is foolhardy and dangerous for a layperson to suggest such serious medicines for a problem such as this.

J_9 · Apr 2, 2010, 03:34 AM

toxiccc agrees: his psychiatrists didn't give him anything for it. Is there something?

A psychiatrist would not necessarily prescribe a medication for premature ejaculation. I'm not quite sure that there is a specific medication for this particular problem. But I do seem to remember something, I just cannot recall the name at the moment and I don't find a category in my drug reference book.

My suggestion would be to have him make an appointment with a urologist for this problem.

Larken85 · Apr 2, 2010, 04:19 AM

I did not suggest that he tries it. I suggested that he suggest it to the doctor. If his doctor thinks it would not work then his doctor would not prescribe it. I was merely suggesting possible options. But as the problem does not seem to be mental, its pretty much a null factor at this point. I really am not trying to cross wires or argue but I do know what my doctor told me and that's the truth. I still suggest seeing a doctor, even if a pill can't solve the problem they will still probably be able to figure something out for it. Hope is not lost and I am sure you will find a solution to this problem.

J_9 · Apr 2, 2010, 04:29 AM

Larken hun, my point is that we don't know the OP. Follow me now...

Now, I am sure that this particular OP and/or her boyfriend would not try this... but there are some people out there that see what we write here and take it for concrete. Some OP's may acutally go out and get a pill from a friend or relative to try to see if what any one of suggests works for them.

Not only is that illegal for them to do (which I am sure you know), but it is potentially dangerous as there may be an allergic reaction or some other medical condition that we don't know of.

So, my point is rather than actually giving the NAME of the medication that works for you it's best to just use the category of medication.

I'm not trying to argue with you, but rather the opposite. In giving the name of the medication, and that person tries it, something serious happens to that person, your name is found on their computer, you could be implicated.

You see, it's really a matter of CYA.

Larken85 · Apr 2, 2010, 04:38 AM

Hmmm, good point J-9. I wasn't thinking about that... perhaps the name of the medication was a bad idea, but what if I just said depression meds and they went out and tried getting something much more powerful (which I stopped myself from naming this time)? That stuff can really screw you up. I think it is better to suggest a possible perscription to look into rather than letting them search it out for themselves. You never know what some doctors are like, just trying to throw pills at people.
Especially psychs, they will throw a pill at you if you feel down about a break up. "Here this will help you cope!" That's a bull crap reason to get put on medication unless its one of those depressions that you are just not going to be able to recover from you know.

I guess you're right though, and I will refrain from using the names of exact drugs in my advice. I do not want to be implicated in anything like that. Thanks J_9

Larken85 · Apr 2, 2010, 04:55 AM

Let me add, I am not a doctor, nor do I have a medical degree. My medical suggestions are only suggestions for you to consult a licensed medical professional with and nothing more. I do not in any way condone getting perscriptions or any other type of drug from anyone but a licensed medical professional.

To cover my butt hehe

J_9 · Apr 2, 2010, 05:38 AM

Toxicc,

Out of curiosity, which boyfriend are you talking about here?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ed-444968.html

toxiccc · Apr 2, 2010, 05:41 AM

I'm sorry you two are kind of arguing about the drugs. As far as I'm concerned, there's no need, so no worries. But I understand there are some people who could take this in the wrong way though.

I'll talk to my boyfriend and have him make an appointment with a urologist. He can, if there is something, prescribe a medication for premature ejaculation, right? As right now, I don't know is there any other way for us.

J_9, that's the same boyfriend, we had one horrible period and all sort of silly situations between us, I'm ashamed. Things were just not good in general in lives of both of us, I was really venting here then. We're fine now, he's seeing a psychotherapist and it seems to be helping him and us a lot.

J_9 · Apr 2, 2010, 05:45 AM

I don't know of a specific medication for this, but there are things that can be tried, most of which need a prescription.

I spoke to one of the docs I work with and he said that if it's not a mental problem that the urologist would be the way to go and when searching for the right urologist make sure that he has experience with this kind of issue.