[amicon]

No drinks,no contact-unless its to do with work and that can be discussed when you do the switchover.

And tell her to stop texting you.

[the_original]

@showmeurmoves:
Dude no contact is not possible to may 1st, I'm stuck seeing her till than. And she never said down the line things couldn't be fixed, and she hasn't told me to "f" off. SHE tells me she wants to be friends, se texts me asking for favours, and she is the one who says maybe in a few months she will feel differently. And by the way, I don't think she is saying the thing about not wanting any guy, one o her friends told me some guy tried hitting on her huge at the bar a few weeks ago and she wasn't having it, in fact laughed in his face, so I donno...

[Larken85]

I know you want to do it. But going out for drinks is a bad idea man. I'm telling you, you find ten minutes hard to bare with her, get a few drinks in you and you'll be crying like a baby. (I've seen it happen) Just politely tell her that if she wants to talk to you or something that it'll have to be over LUNCH. Strictly lunch by the way. Not dinner (thats a date) and not breakfast (you don't need this to be the first thing you do in the morning.) Take your time with it but be very careful not to hurt yourself in the process all right?

You are welcome for the post and good luck man, I mean it.

[the_original]

I think from here on out I will just ignore any text she sends, be polite but frank at work (as in no small talk) and yea you guys are right don't go out as friends. I hope I'm a better actor than Tom cruise though I'm going to need to be to hide what I really want to say

[Showme_urmove]

I know its hard to do no contact cause you see her at your work place, but it sounds like what's best for you to do at this moment is to not be friends you have so much feelings for her at this moment and its not good for you cause its only hurting you.

she is the one who says maybe in a few months she will feel differently.

so your saying that you will wait for her, it sounds like false hope man. How can you move on if that's what you will keep thinking. What if you do end up dating again, and then couple of months she feels like she needs to be alone, what now you will be back in square one.

guy tried hitting on her huge at the bar a few weeks ago and she wasn't having it, in fact laughed in his face, so I donno...

yea her friend said that, hey he can be ugly or not her type, but what if she finds someone better, what then, your there holding on the hope that maybe she will change her mind and be with you, and there she is living her life. Doesn't sound fair to me. Go be happy man not with her but find a way to make yourself happy. I know how your feeling it sux but you got to do it.

[the_original]

Yea, so showmeurmoves u said that you are dealing with something similar, how do you go about changing your train of thought when your ex pops into your head (if they still do) I know I'll be able to pull off not texting her and such but the thoughts I get, man they never end and it's been 2 months!

[Larken85]

I hope I'm a better actor than Tom cruise tho I'm gonna need to be to hide what I really want to say

Lol he isn't that good of an actor. Should have said Jonny Dep (spelling) :D

[Showme_urmove]

Man she will always pops in and out of your head. What I do is I find many ways to hate her and why going back out with her is not a good idea. I start thinking about how my life is better without her, and that I am to good for her. Yours been 2 months mine is just new but I'm guessing the reason why you still think about her a lot is because your hanging on a lot of the memories and what that lady had said. Block it, when the thought comes, do something else to keep your mind of it. When the feeling comes back of you missing her start listening to music, it always helps me.

I've tried to go out to clubs, bars but for some reason all the girls I see all I keep doing is comparing them to her. So I stop and all I do is focus on my business and keep myself busy.
Now I hardly think of her. Try talking to yourself in the mirror and telling yourself that your happiness does not consist of her, and she is worthless and she doesn't deserve anymore tear drops. Re direct your mind instead of you loving her start hating her.
Like some of the advice I get from my thread, they all say expect it to come, welcome it but don't dwell on it. And that's what I'm doing, when it comes I let it come but I don't sit and dwell on the memory cause it just brings back the pain and I don't like it. Keep yourself busy and before you know you will start thinking of her less and less every time. Remember every day comes brings you closer to the right girl that would appreciate you and love you. That's what I keep telling myself and it makes me feel better.

[the_original]

Yea showmeurmoves I do the same thing at bars, no girl quite measures up you know what I mean? But good friends help (they hated her so they always make me laugh when I'm down) one of my biggest fears is that when I start my new job I won't talk to her again, and I'm going to catch crap for this because I know you guys stress no contact but it will feel like I lost a best friend. We were friends before we were dating (I met her through a different girl I was seeing 3 years ago) and it's like I'm going to lose not just a good girl, but a good friend too. I guess that's her call though

[Showme_urmove]

Im not saying don't ever be friends with her. Not right now man, you still love her so much that being friends with her only hurts you. Do this for you not for her. It will get easier as day pass by but you need to do it. Yea my friends hated her to, but doesn't seem to matter what they say about her, doesn't change the feeling I have for her. I kind of know what you mean, my ex was living with me so it was hard to do things on my own without her. Sleeping in the same bed where she used to lay in used to hurt me. I got so used of having her around, She was the first person I see in the morning and the last at night so it was really hard for me to move on and accepting the fact that it was really over. I did what you did I begged and begged but same thing didn't change her feelings. Many people here say do no contact It was hard but then when I start it my healing process really began. I was in so much pain that txting her only breaks my heart cause I want more then I she can give. Now look she is coming back wanting to work us out. I just keep ignoring her, as much as I want to take her back I know logically I can't cause I know I won't be able to take the next pain if she ever do break it off again. Just let her know that YOu 2 can't be friends yet. And once you are fully healed then you can be friends again, but your feelings and mindset would be different. Heal first, deal with this first, focus on yourself first before you can be friends.

[the_original]

Good advice man, our stories our kind of similar in a way. We lived together for 3 straight years, had 4 pets together the whole bit. Now I wake up and go to sleep in that bed just like you. I really can't wait until I can go no contact it seems like that's the only way to heal... maybe that's why this breakup is harder to deal with than my past ones because in the past it was no contact right away. Oh well. If you need a good ear man I imagine I'll be on this site a lot in the coming months feel free to talk

[the_original]

So a small update, I decided to out in 2 weeks notice today at our place of work. I'll be OK financially until the new job starts and there is no need to drag out this misery seeing her everyday. I feel really good about it and can't wait for no contact to start. I want to leave her with an impression on my last night though, what that says I care, but on a "I'll see you around" kind of note. Any suggestions or should I not say or anything special?

[amicon]

Good decision re job.
Just be yourself,say your goodbye and leave-ad lib it when the time comes.

[the_original]

Ad-lib, as in wing it? I'm thinking of just saying if I don't see you, take care of yourself, give her a hug and start a new chapter in my life. Hopefully the healing begins

[amicon]

Improvise.

What you just wrote sounds pretty good to me.

Start the healing now by doing things for yourself,treat yourself-do something new.

One day at the time.

[the_original]

Thanks amicon... I'm going to update once the NC starts, it will probably be hard at first I imagine.

[amicon]

You're welcome.
NC is tough,but you're already getting used to not texting,emailing etc so that'll probably work in your favour.

Come back whenever you need to.
Best of luck to you.

[the_original]

Hey, so there has been some minor developments, and they have set me back for one, second I don't really know what to make of them.
I sent her a Facebook message to her inbox, a long one, just basically saying everything I wanted to get off my chest before I left work and possibly never saw her again. I told her I hate what has happened between us, and the couple we became isn't ever what I had in mind for us. Anyway I said if she thought things could ever be different, who knows, look me up one day. To this she replied "i dont know how ill feel in the future, right now i am happier than i have been in a while, but i really want to be friends". I said that hurts but OK, if your ever ready to hang out as friends, let me know (I know this was a mistake, we'll get back to this). She than asked if I would be interested in seeing her new apartment on may 1st when she moves. I told her I looked forward to it. Not 2 seconds after I sent that message, she sends another one asking if I work this weekend and if I'm interested in taking our dog out for a walk with her". Its like that one message made me happier, yet more upset and confused at the same time. Yea I'm happy she wants to hang out, and I can only assume she changed her mind so quickly to wanting to hang out this weekend is a good sign that she misses me or something. But I think if it works out and she does call me to walk the dog it would be a huge mistake. I still have a ton of feelings for her, and I still have to see her until April 6th almost everyday at work, and I think it would just make everything harder for me if I actually went out with her as friends. You know, come to think of it, I'm almost looking forward to No contact because I think it will bring her back to me in some way... which is the wrong reason for initiating it. My heart hurts, my head hurts, I'm confused, and I'm madly in love with someone I can't have. Feel like I'm losing my mind help desk!

[amicon]

See how the confusion escalates and the heartache increases tenfold when you up the contact?

Your best bet is minimum contact till you can go no contact.

[the_original]

Your right amicon, and I knew that before I initiated the Facebook messages... I just didn't want to feel like I didn't try, you know what I mean? Like yea the break up was messy in some parts, but we do not hate each other, and given how hard the circumstances are at work we have managed to be pretty polite/decent to each other. I just wanted her to know where I stood on things between us one last time. Another thing I forgot to mention was when getting back together was brought up, she said "i dont know how ill feel in the future, im just to afraid that if we do it right now it will go back to the way it was"... does that mean she's open to the idea? I hate myself for even starting this messaging because now your right I'm just more confused than I was before. I don't even have her as a friend on there anymore but its nothing to type her name at the top and bring her page up, which I find myself doing in my darkest hours. 1 1/2 weeks till no contact can start, I don't know how I'm going to do this :(