[jrayment831]

I know I've shared a lot about my life on here, and I feel right now, I'm falling apart. My marriage is suffering, my work is really suffering, and my husbands son is 8, and we don't get along at all. My step-daughter and I have become very close lately, and I"m so proud of both our efforts. But his son, just the sound of his voice makes me shake. My husband and I have fought for 3 days about his son's behavior, his disrespect, his mouth, he's destructive, he kicks windows, hits people, he's given me a black eye, kicked and punched me, hits his sister, and never gets in trouble because my husband has labled him as a troubled child, and makes excuses for everything he does. And I'm at my breaking point, and I don't wanna lose my husband, but I can't take one more day of this. What do I do? How can I live with this any longer? I have never hated a child in my life, but I"m getting really close. I've been shaking all night and today, and can't concentrate on anything. I think I"m having a nervous breakdown, and I"m really scared.

[Wondergirl]

Get some help -- call your county health and human resources to get a social worker or counselor, or even call the suicide hotline for your area to talk about this with someone. I'm a counselor and will help you however I can from here.

[jrayment831]

Get some help -- call your county health and human resources to get a social worker or counselor, or even call the suicide hotline for your area to talk about this with someone. I'm a counselor and will help you however I can from here.

Just hearing that made me cry. I really feel like I'm losing my mind, I can't stop shaking. Please put yourself in my situation, and tell me what I should do? The weekend is coming up, and both kids are home ALLLLL weekend, and the thought of spending 2 full days with that child, and my husband who allows his behavior, I just want to crawl in a dumpster.

[QLP]

Have you actually explained to your husband the effect this is having on you, rather than focusing on telling him about his son's behaviour? Surely your husband will be concerned about you regardless of how he sees the situation with his son.

In the meantime, can you spend some of the weekend visiting a friend or relative just to give yourself a break until you get some help with this? If your husband doesn't find the child's behaviour a problem let him take care of him for a while.

Is the troubled child getting any help for his problems?

Can you accesss family counselling?

[Emily94]

Hey,
I really don't know if this will help, but it seems like you will try anything.
My mom's boyfriend could stand my brother. My brother did everything your husbands son is doing. What my mom's boyfriend found helpful was doing something with my brother (going to the farm, going for bike rides, and mini golfing are a few) even though my mom's boyfriend hated it at the beginning he started to actually enjoy the time they had together because my brother wouldn't act up when he was out doing something fun and my mom's boyfriend got to know my brother a lot better and was able to calm him down when he did get out of control.
I also agree with seeing a councilor. I believed I didn't have a problem at all. But my family asked me to go so I did. I realized after our first meeting that I had a lot I needed to sort out and after a year of seeing a councilor bi-weekly I can say that even though I had a lot of things wrong, I don't anymore. My councilor helped me understand why I acted the way I did, and how to stop and think (Which is hard when your upset). I can now take control of situations that before I found to stressful to even try. I really don't like going to councilors as a family because it might be hard to say what is truly on your mind, but that is just my opinion.

I hope you all the best with everything and just stay strong, it will eventually get better.

[Jake2008]

Without knowing more it is difficult to know what to do.

Has your husband's ex remarried? What is the child's relationship with him, and do you know how he is at school, or how he gets along with other children. Has he ever been assessed.

I doubt that his extreme behaviour- including a black eye no less- is new. Is this all confined to your house, is what I'm getting at, or is there a problem with this child all the way around.

If your husband has labelled him, as you said, as a 'troubled child', how did he come from that conclusion- with consultations with a Doctor or Mental Health Professional? Has he ever had help with his behaviour?

If you can provide more information, that would be great. And thanks.

[DrBill100]

Let me summarize the advice provided to you thus far. 1) you [and I might add, your entire family] would benefit from an objective evaluation of these circumstances by a skilled family counselor. There are many resources for such counselors so please don't interpret this to mean psychiatrist, doctor or mental health setting. Family counselors, pastoral counselors, etc. are fine. The key is "a disinterested third party" to look at your circumstances absent all of the emotional baggage attached, and outline avenues of correction.

While this is best accomplished with the cooperation of all parties concerned, it must not be dependent on 100% cooperation. If your husband will go that's good, if he will bring his son and daughter that's better. But if you are the lone advocate, or initially want to go alone in order to learn how best to approach your husband, by all means, go alone.

Let me assure you that the mistreatment you have endured is unreasonable, abusive, dangerous and intolerable. The fact that it issued from an 8 yr old boy is reason for more, not less, concern. If this behavior is allowed to continue the danger to you, to the child himself and other family members will only escalate.

Your husband's description of the boy as "troubled" is correct. He needs to be professionally assessed without delay, the "trouble" particularized with appropriate action immediately following. If not, the behavior is more likely to escalate than abate.

Jake2008 points out that more information is required. The history, details and contributing circumstances must be known in order to provide meaningful advice. I believe, in accord with WonderGirl, that process is best and most efficiently accomplished through a skilled family counselor. WonderGirl recommended contacting a suicide hotline. Another excellent suggestion as they deal with a full range of emotional distress and can provide appropriate referrals for your particular needs. Following is the 800 number that will connect with your local provider:

1-800-273-TALK (8255)

The circumstances you have described aren't going to self-correct. You must take affirmative action immediately. It may mean a few ripples in the water when you do so but that's a lot better than drowning in sorrow.

Please accept the consensus of advice offered and reach out today for the assistance needed. It's all around you. Your plea here was a first step now take the next. Make that call.

[this8384]

Let me summarize the advice provided to you thus far. 1) you [and I might add, your entire family] would benefit from an objective evaluation of these circumstances by a skilled family counselor. There are many resources for such counselors so please don't interpret this to mean psychiatrist, doctor or mental health setting. Family counselors, pastoral counselors, etc. are fine. The key is "a disinterested third party" to look at your circumstances absent all of the emotional baggage attached, and outline avenues of correction.

While this is best accomplished with the cooperation of all parties concerned, it must not be dependent on 100% cooperation. If your husband will go that's good, if he will bring his son and daughter that's better. But if you are the lone advocate, or initially want to go alone in order to learn how best to approach your husband, by all means, go alone.

Let me assure you that the mistreatment you have endured is unreasonable, abusive, dangerous and intolerable. The fact that it issued from an 8 yr old boy is reason for more, not less, concern. If this behavior is allowed to continue the danger to you, to the child himself and other family members will only escalate.

Your husband's description of the boy as "troubled" is correct. He needs to be professionally assessed without delay, the "trouble" particularized with appropriate action immediately following. If not, the behavior is more likely to escalate than abate.

Jake2008 points out that more information is required. The history, details and contributing circumstances must be known in order to provide meaningful advice. I believe, in accord with WonderGirl, that process is best and most efficiently accomplished through a skilled family counselor. WonderGirl recommended contacting a suicide hotline. Another excellent suggestion as they deal with a full range of emotional distress and can provide appropriate referrals for your particular needs. Following is the 800 number that will connect with your local provider:

1-800-273-TALK (8255)

The circumstances you have described aren't going to self-correct. You must take affirmative action immediately. It may mean a few ripples in the water when you do so but that's a lot better than drowning in sorrow.

Please accept the consensus of advice offered and reach out today for the assistance needed. It's all around you. Your plea here was a first step now take the next. Make that call.

While I think it's great that you took the time and put forth the effort, I think you should read some of jrayment's other threads. Once you start seeing different aspects of her life, the picture changes quite drastically.

[DrBill100]

I think you should read some of jrayment's other threads. Once you start seeing different aspects of her life, the picture changes quite drastically.

Followed your advice. Now better informed. Thanks. Learning everyday [I hope].

[this8384]

Followed your advice. Now better informed. Thanks. Learning everyday [I hope].

I think your advice was great, but the story portrayed in this thread is quite different from what you read in the others - which you now see.

I do hope you stick around the site, I think you'll be a valuable asset :)

[jrayment831]

I can't even respond to this, someone reaches out in desperation, and the first thing you want to do when someone gives positive advice, is make her look like someone who doesn't deserve it. I'm so sick of the critisim on this site. I'm really hurting right now, and really thought I would find help here.

[Wondergirl]

I'm really hurting right now

Are things looking bad for the weekend? Is your family going anywhere to Easter dinner?

I guess I don't understand all the passing off and ignoring that teachers, your husband, etc. are doing about the boy.

[this8384]

Are things looking bad for the weekend? Is your family going anywhere to Easter dinner?

I guess I don't understand all the passing off and ignoring that teachers, your husband, etc. are doing about the boy.

I don't think anyone is doing any passing off. Have you read some of the other threads? On 3/24 she posted that her stepdaughter made her sick because of the relationship she has with her father/the OP's husband. Then on 3/26, she posts that she and her stepdaughter "have become really close." Relationships don't mend in 48 hours and once you factor in everything else she has posted, I am having more and more trouble believing anything.

[this8384]

I can't even respond to this, someone reaches out in desperation, and the first thing you wanna do when someone gives positive advice, is make her look like someone who doesn't deserve it. I'm so sick of the critisim on this site. I'm really hurting right now, and really thought I would find help here.

I, for one, am tired of you playing the victim. You post conflicting stories and when you are asked to explain them, you begin verbally attacking other members of this site, as if they are somehow at fault for your inconsistencies. Nobody else seems to realize/remember that this is your third username for this site; you are not new here by any means and I am sure you understand the rating system by now, yet you gave J_9 a reddie the other day.

If you truly are hurting, then I hope you do find the advice and help that you need. But as I explained when I responded to your PM, nothing you say makes any sense. You're constantly contradicting yourself and starting arguments with anyone who doesn't tell you what you want to hear. This isn't "Agree With Me Desk" - it's "Ask Me Help Desk." We're going to give you the best possible advice based upon our personal experiences and when you start lashing out in anger, it speaks volumes to the content of your character.

The reason we take it all so personally is that there are a lot of people out there who will come to this site, make up a story and sit back giggling while we're all taking the time and effort to give them heartfelt advice. This is not a joke to us; imagine how you would feel if your stepdaughter asked for your help with a homework project, you spent the time and energy helping her, and then have her start laughing and say, "Never mind, I don't actually have to turn this in." You'd be angry that you lent a helping hand only to have it spat upon.

So again... if you truly are having issues, I hope you find the help you need. But you also need to take responsibility. When someone makes a suggestion, there is absolutely no need to snap at them - they're just trying to help.

[Kitkat22]

You need to tell the truth about everything if you want help! You knew your husband had children before you married him. I think you are very selfish and insecure woman. I love my stepson as if he were my own. My husband loves my daughter as if she were his. We have a yours, mine and ours family and it works.

Grow up and accept these children or you will lose your husband. I can't believe you talk so badly about the little boy. Maybe you are his problem. This child senses you do not care for him. Believe me children know. Start treating him better and you may see a change. I hope your marriage works out but in order to do so you are going to have to face the fact, that you are the biggest part of the problem!

[jrayment831]

I, for one, am tired of you playing the victim. You post conflicting stories and when you are asked to explain them, you begin verbally attacking other members of this site, as if they are somehow at fault for your inconsistencies. Nobody else seems to realize/remember that this is your third username for this site; you are not new here by any means and I am sure you understand the rating system by now, yet you gave J_9 a reddie the other day.

If you truly are hurting, then I hope you do find the advice and help that you need. But as I explained when I responded to your PM, nothing you say makes any sense. You're constantly contradicting yourself and starting arguments with anyone who doesn't tell you what you want to hear. This isn't "Agree With Me Desk" - it's "Ask Me Help Desk." We're going to give you the best possible advice based upon our personal experiences and when you start lashing out in anger, it speaks volumes to the content of your character.

The reason we take it all so personally is that there are a lot of people out there who will come to this site, make up a story and sit back giggling while we're all taking the time and effort to give them heartfelt advice. This is not a joke to us; imagine how you would feel if your stepdaughter asked for your help with a homework project, you spent the time and energy helping her, and then have her start laughing and say, "Never mind, I don't actually have to turn this in." You'd be angry that you lent a helping hand only to have it spat upon.

So again....if you truly are having issues, I hope you find the help you need. But you also need to take responsibility. When someone makes a suggestion, there is absolutely no need to snap at them - they're just trying to help.

I'm really offended by you accusing me of having other user names, can you prove it? Because this is the VERY first time I've ever been a member of this site. Maybe if you spent more time giving people advice that they need, instead of when someone DOES try to help someone else, you try and make the person look like some piece of crap liar. Life changes everyday, so for anyone to accuse me of not being truthful about my life, is assanine, all most people do on here is ridacule other people for their problems, blaming THEM for being the "biggest problem" whatever, this post needs to be closed. It's a crock of *s**t. have a nice day!

[Curlyben]