[talaniman]

Yes, he wants me back in his life but not as his wife as his girlfriend. He wants to continue this all his life out of his wife's knowledge

Screening, and warding off unwanted people in our lives, is an ongoing chore we all deal with.

You don't worry about the whys, its frustrating, it's the how's that you deal with.

He may need a strong motivation if his advances continue, like threatening to call his g/f-fiancé, if he can't take the hint of being ignored.

[broken_ heart]

I did this once, when he first time disclosed his intentions to me about cheating his fiancé with me. I asked him if you have ever think of if your fiancé come to know about what you are doing to which he just replied - if she comes to know? Who will tell her? You? And the fact is I don't know much about his fiancé and don't know her personally and have never seen her. We don't have any common friends as well. May be because of this he is sure that I have no way by which I can contact her fiancé.

[amicon]

On that same note-you know where he works,right?
So you could tell the ex that you might have a word with his boss.. .

[broken_ heart]

Yes, I know where he works. But telling his boss, will it work?

[amicon]

You have a right to be left alone and as he doesn't respect your wishes,I would suggest that you,if he contacts you again,tell him that you won't put up with it any longer.

You could let him know that,if he doesn't respect his wishes you would consider contacting his boss.

[broken_ heart]

I don't know what's happening with me. I couldn't sleep for two nights. All day and night, I am filled with his thoughts, I am not able to concentrate on anything. I don't want to think about him, what should I do? The moments we spent together is coming in front of me. I don't want to feel the way I am.

[amicon]

Find things to occupy your mind-keep busy-and start doing some kind physical exercise to make you tired enough to be able to fall asleep.

You can shut those thoughts down by concentrating on other things and by being active.

[broken_ heart]

I tried with your advice Ami, but its not working. Every time I do some work, his thoughts came up and distract me from the work. Two times I was about to met an accident. I don't know what to do. I thought I was over him but I think something is left inside. After so many peaceful days its happening to me. I am having sleepless nights and if get sleep, I found my dreaming about our marriage.
I don't know what to do. I want to see him, but I am stick to NC.

[amicon]

That's tough,but sticking to NC is your best option.

You need your sleep though,have you tried listening to relaxing music once you are in bed?
You could try some lavender essential oil,which is soothing.
If you do,please read the instructions on the label.

Give yourself time,you will heal,just be patient.

[talaniman]

Sorry BH, there are no easy quick fixes to what is making you miserable. You have to deal with reality and stick to it until you feel better on your own.

Yes its hard, so what? It has to be done so just do it no matter how hard it is. Sorry!

[broken_ heart]

We met unexpectedly in market. But we both ignored each other and just passby. But after this for the next two days he kept on sending me sweet messages saying that he loves me and even called me three-four times to which I didn't respond. He said that he wants to meet me and want to talk to me.
Now, he disappeared as usual. Should I meet him? I am scared of meeting him. Now, there is nothing left we can talk about. And I don't want him to fool me again. He always used my feelings to take advantage and I don't want to happen it again.

[amicon]

'Now there is nothing left to talk about'.

That answers your question.

Keep ignoring him and keep moving on.

[broken_ heart]

He again met me and this time he stopped my way and talked to me for 5minutes. He said that his decision of not marrying me was a practical one, he didn't feel that I can be his life partner but at the same time want my friendship and want me to get settled as well. He said that he is very much concerned with me that's why he thinks about me. I listened to him quietly and then moved on my way because I had nothing to say. And on the same night he text me, saying that he is very much happy with his decision and his life and he wants the same for me. And then he disappeared as before. I don't know what he really want from me now and I really don't believe a single word of his.

[louiseismyname]

Broken Heart - the best thing that you can do is aviod all contact and move on with your life. It is clear that it is over, he has made this clear. Its very hard I know believe me but total NC is the only way that you are going to completely heal and move on without this false hope that you seem to have.

If you do see him again then be polite and say hello but don't stop and chat as you only hear words from him that upset you. You need to understand that this relationship is over and that he has moved on. The sooner that you accept that fact the sooner you will heal. Take care and good luck xx

[amicon]

Should this happen again,a polite Hi-I'm busy-bye,no point hanging around listening to his BS-just walk away.

[talaniman]

I don't know what he really want from me now and I really don't believe a single word of his.

He means to keep the door open, by staying on your mind, but you have done well to not believe him, nor trust him.

He thinks he can wear you down with his friendship, to eventually convince you to be friends with benefits.

Often people do that when they,

1)Are involved, or married, but have need for a very discreet partner.

2)Have an outlet for any future lust. So he is grooming you by keeping you close with no hope of anything solid in the future.

Lets face it, what guy presses this hard for friendship? But as long as your confused, then you will not stop him from doing as he wants.

If he was a respectful, and honest guy, would he not care if his current g/f knew of you? As it is, he can come to you as a friend, he can lay the typical pity trip, his girlfriend/wife doesn't understand him, and he is miserable, and need you(his friend) to console him.

He just keeps the feelings stirred up for his own purpose. Don't let him, you're smarter than that. Never accept being his mistress, or secret lover.

[broken_ heart]

I already said no to his proposal of being his secret lover and after that for few days he kept silent then he came back with the things I mentioned last time.
I don't have any hope of getting him back. Yes, sometimes his behaviour left me in doubts but now I have seen his engagement ring from my own eyes and now there are no doubts.
And the latest , Last night he text me saying that he has changed his job to some other company and location. Because his fiancé works near to his workplace and now she will not be around him all the time. He wants to take me on lunch. I didn't reply to his message yet and even I am not going to.

[amicon]

Good on you for ignoring him,I think its time you block him,or change your mobile phonenumber.

He is trying to year you down with his stupid little games well done for not letting him.

[broken_ heart]

He text me again saying, that he contacts me because he is very much attached to me and misses me and if I have not refused to get physical with him for which he always insisted then today I would have been his wedded wife. Is this his way to convince me for the things he wants?

[amicon]

Delete his texts without reading them-or,as I said before,CHANGE your number.

Let this go now-stop trying to analyze his actions-its not important anymore.